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Hi - Day 4 or 5 of stopping the insanity Methadone is. I feel like you know what, and from what I've read, the worst is yet to come. I started at 2.5 mgs. once a day 10 years ago. I peaked at a measly 25mgs (max) Xmas 09'.
In the prior 2 months out of boredom, I began injecting 75mgs of quick release morphine every other day. It was easy to stop that nonsense about 3 weeks ago. Have never like morphine personally.
Methadone's another matter. The nets full of info and lots of it claims methadone is not addictive. BS!

Day 4 or 5 . . . very tired, cannot sleep yet, chills, floating stinky feces. Very weak. Walking dogs major event, craving salt on my food? funky muscle spasms, and on and on.

I'm not craving it one iota. I'm hating it! Morally bankrupt, I lost ages 48-58 to that c**p. I gotta get well, so my wife might get well, so we can save our daughter 26 and already a pillhead.
Thank God no Methadone addiction . . . yet! (well of course we've given her some?)

I've done drugs my entire adult life and never been addicted to anything, but methadone.
Like a thief in the night, Methadone will steal your soul! :cry:

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Good going MrFishy!! I was on Methadone for years - I used it (silly me) to get off the other opiates I was on. What a BIG mistake. I went off 100+ prescribed milligrams a day within 14 days just by myself. I did have some help from the doctor in the way of encouragement and during the 14 days I used a Fentynal patch (stopped the patch the day I took my last methadone). I am the biggest wuss in the world. If I can do it - you can do it. Now, I am looking forward to getting off the Oxycodone that I have now become physically addicted to. I hate the things, they do nothing for me anymore, including help my pain. So, I am going to do the Suboxone route. Good Luck, hang in there and you'll feel so much better for it.
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Thanks for the encouragement. Another restless night. Yeah, I suppose Fentynal would tend to ease the symptoms, since it's 10X stronger than pure morphine!
I'm done trading one addiction for another and, should I falter, will stick with the "street drugs" ie:heroin and coke, until I'm dead.
Of course, first I have to go outside, which Methadone has inhibited FOREVER!
Both of my parents died during my addiction. I didn't bother flying home for eithers demise. No need. I had Methadone.
I am morally depleted.
Best of luck with OC detox.
Staying super busy has kept my mind off itself.
I still feel really bad. A good nights' sleep might allow me to actually know how I'm feeling. I've not a clue.
BRAINDEAD. o.O
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Hello again, MrFishy. I hope and pray your doing well. You are the only one in the entire world I have "blogged" about my OC problem. When I told you about my detox from Methadone using the Fentynal Patch - I only used the patch for three weeks - two to detox from the Meth and one to wean off the Fentynal. It was quite easy - I don't know how - maybe sheer determination. I have been on one drug or another since I can remember. I am 52 and am sick of being sick. I need to do this but I think/feel like I am losing the battle due to too much pain. Let me know how your doing - I think of you often. :-(
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I can fully empathize w/your plight. When you say "too much pain" are you talking from the withdrawal, or actual? Ya know, when all's said and done, some people need to somehow learn to live with the physical pain. I suppose I'm lucky that I'm simply addicted, and not in pain, though I am feeling things in my body that have been numb for a decade in the last 10? daze. I figure I'll get clean just in time to find out I've run out of earth-time, am (terminally ill) then O.D. when/if the pain was too sharp. (unassisted suicide!)

Anyway, this is also the only place I've posted re:opiates, so it looks like it's you and me, Marie55.
To be honest, I have had 2 set backs in the past four days. The exhaustion of methadone wd is so overwhelming that I've used morphine to function at all. (due to foolishly over-loading my schedule with tasks needing doing immediately)
It worked the first time (Thurs PM) but not last night, Saturday. It's allegedly much easier to dump morphine (or any drug I know of) than methadone. I really don't want to trade addictions.
BTW, I am the BIGGEST WUSS in the world, but am determined to escape this brain-fog.

We can do this! It took us years of use to get into this mess. We need to expect it will take weeks/months to escape it's grasp.
Won't it be great to awaken clear and clean?
You hang in there, and I'll try harder. There will always be pills. Walk away for life.
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I have just gone down 2.5 mg of methadone that was not pleasurable so congrats on taking the plunge of complete detox. I pray I can do one day and from what I read sooner rather than later. Never planned to get off when I got on Methadone but sick of it already after three years and up to70mg oh 67.5,.. Wish you all the best on your road ahead! How are you going now? Is it getting better yet?

'Methadone will steal your soul! Laughing Twisted Evil Evil or Very Mad Crying or Very sad ' -so true - liquid handcuffs
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1macca . . . Good going! So you've just suffered from reducing 2.5 down from 67.5? What a rough drug methadone is. It's not pleasant. Hang in there and recapture your drive for life.

As for me, I may be feeling a teeny bit better. If I've slept a bit, I can function for several hours before I'm overcome w/fatigue again. This exhaustion, teamed w/the inability to get much restful sleep, is the worse of it thus far, at day 10-11-12? I still don't wanna use any methadone, not xanax, but there's morphine around and I have stumbled there when I feel I can't function and must. Also, I'm pretty sure I need to drink more water, but this effort doesn't seem to make one thirsty at all and it's hard to force it down.
I'm finding there seems to be a wall one must break through to be successful. This wall appears about 36 hours after using an opiate, when I find myself too weak to move, but too sick to sleep more than an hour or two. That sucks!
Liquid handcuffs, I like that. Face it, some unaware doctor got ya hooked on the worst substance I've ever foolishly played with. It takes from 2 weeks to 6 months, depending on dosage and determination.
You can do it. It is recommended one have someone around the first week or two to do the stuff needing doing, 'cuz you aren't going to be able to w/o a bunch of effort. You'll hate how you feel. Try and place that hate where it belongs . . . on the drug.
I'm pretty sure we all just want our souls back.
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MrFishy sounds like you are a bit better. Morphine is also HIGHLY addicting so be careful. I am presently on Morphine 60mg 3x per day, Oxycodone 30mg 2 every 4 hours or 12 per day, and I also take Klonopin for an anxiety disorder I have had since my early twenties............gosh I wish I was back there and knew what I know now. I seem to have a high tolerance for these stupid drugs. So, I went to the pain/addiction management doctor yesterday and he wants me to go on suboxone. You have to stay off morphine for 24 hours, oxy for 12 then come in and take your first dose of suboxone. I went to have it filled and it is going to cost 350.00 (to start), and could be higher if I need a stronger dose - so what to do? I want to start weaning down the oxycodone by myself first, then the morphine. I simply can't afford to spend 350 - 600 dollars a month on the suboxone right now. If I knew I would only be on the suboxone for 1-3 months I would do it in a heartbeat - but the doctor said 6 months minimum. That is way too much money. I am just getting my financial situation back to being good. I don't want to be poor again. I am on SS Disability so there is a yearly limit on what they will pay. After that, your on your own. Well, I am up at 2am worrying about what to do and, I was woken up because I tried to go more than 4 hours with the oxy. I took my last dose at 6pm and did not take it before bed. I woke up at 2 feeling the withdrawals already. I hate this so much I could scream. The weather is cold and it is miserable outside so I can't go out and walk like they say to do while detoxing. I have been drinking about 48 ounces of water a day though and that does seem to help but not as much as I was told. I wonder if I am going to be able to do this. Anyone who reads this - if you have a suggestion for weaning off oxycodone let me know, PLEASE. Let me know how your doing MrFishy. Take care... :-(
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Another sleepless night. Arrrrgh! So hard to flop around in my bed. Thanks for asking, Marie55. I'm thinkin' of today as "the wall". I had soooo much to deal with the past 2 weeks. The morphine slips were simply in an effort to clear my schedule which I have finally done today, so I can be as sick as necessary. If I can get through te next 24 hours w/o any relief, I'm thinkin' the worse is over. It'll be a little tricky, since there's plenty of morphine in this house, as well as xanax and methadone. I'll know if I can take it around 5 pm, when I've felt the ickiest. I think I will win this time. All chores done. It's been a l-o-n-g half a month.
Everyone hang tough . . . clean yourself and feel again. Life's just not worth it living in a cloudy haze. Opiates don't kill the pain. Opiates make it so you don't care about the pain, or anything else, really.
It's time to feel human.
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MrFishy... stay away from the other "relief". It's the devil. I'm on day 11... I think??? Of no methadone. I dropped off from a smaller dose, cold turkey. Today is my first good day. Seriously. It still hurts a little, but it's better than the others. So I'm pretty darn thankful. Good luck, and keep pushing your way through the dark hell hole. Light will come. :-) Best of luck...
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Guest wrote:

MrFishy... stay away from the other "relief". It's the devil. I'm on day 11... I think??? Of no methadone . . . Best of luck...



I'm trying to curb the relief, but it's always around and I have zero support system. The only one here, besides myself, is addicted to methadone, morphine, and xanax, by script. I've reached out, but no ones' there to help. All the folks I've leaned on are addicted to one thing or another, and I don't know anyone else. I keep signing on to see if anyone I've leaned on has written me an email. Zero last 3 days.
"Hang in there" and "Good job" are pretty meaningless coming from addicts. Today I feel like I'm stuck in a big, deep, dark hole, from which there is only one escape. I might succeed if I could get out of here, but I'm too sick to make the effort alone.
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MrFishy, I truly "feel" for you. I am going through hell at the moment as I decided to just go for the wean off the oxy without the suboxone. I decided that trading one drug for another was just not right. I will get off this because I am determined. Like you, I wish to God I had support. Unfortunately, I have none. I will support you here online as much as you need. If you want my personal email address let me know and I will give it to you. Life is just too damn short to NOT get back to normal. You should think about all the good things that will come your way once your clean and clear headed. I honestly thought I was the only one who had problems getting off my pain meds but I do now know there are many more like me. You sound tough at times and at other times you sound lonely? Are you married, have a girlfriend, live with friends? How old are you? Do you work? Let me know more about the real you and what you want out of this life. Did you ever have a normal life? Hope your doing well today. I do think about you every day. Talk to me.
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Marie, I do appreciate your concerns . . . I'm 58, married w/2 min-pins (dogs) . . . I was an entertainer until about 00', when I started feeling silly performing in clubs. I have been socially unavailable for most of the past 25-30 years.
I have faltered majorly in the past few days, but no methadone, nor xanax. I plan on stopping this other nonsense today, Monday, Feb.1.
You hang in there, and I will get real again now.
You are far from alone in this difficult mission.
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It's about Feb. 17th? and I'm on day 3-4 with no opiates. The morphine was obviously really stupid and I'm paying the price for that excuse. Last night was horribly uncomfortable, but I keep telling myself that I've just got a bad flu. I'm hoping the foolishness hasn't majorly affected my 4-5 weeks of zero methadone and xanax. I'm determined to at least get clean for real so I can access how I actually feel physically. I haven't seen a doctor since the mid-80's.
After flippin' and floppin' (thrashing) all night long for nights on end, I've realized that I've probably been addicted to one thing or another since I was maybe 17. What a waste of the gift of precious life. I'm thinkin' a week or two of misery is deserved for a lifetime of self-neglect.
Marie and others, it's extremely hard and takes all your will power to suffer thru this c**p.
What did we expect. Remember, it's only too late once, and if not now, when?
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It's March 1st, 2010. I've finally busted through the "wall" (hours 72-110?) and it's been 12 days since I used any opiate. I am feeling slightly better, but not good by any means. I really hadn't considered all the nutritional damage these ten years of addiction have done. I wish I'd have read this prior to going cold turkey. It appears I could have eased some of the misery and accelerated the detox process by avoiding certain foods and storing certain, mostly herbal, supplements for ingestion during the hell.
I did begin taking .5 xanax before bed and have managed to get 6-7 hours of decent (but probably not restorative) sleep the past week. I'm in a medical marijuana state and find using this helpful in reducing stress and calming the minds' thoughts so I can get to sleep in the first place.
I find myself impatient to feel better, but have zero craving for any narcotics, which is HUGE. Having just gone thru the most awful 6-7 all but sleepless weeks of my life, I suppose it's normal to want to magically feel better once the toxins/opiates have left your body, but it's become obvious that this is going to be an uphill climb for a while yet.

If you're serious, here is some perfect info:

***edited by moderator*** web addresses not allowed
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