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My husband is currently attending school on the West coast this year to complete an advanced degree (we both agreed that this would be best for us financially in the long run- please, no comments on this, as this is not part of our problem. we both agreed to it. he comes home once a month,plus school holidays,because he has frequent flier miles from his previous job.). Prior to his leaving, I initiated separation proceedings because of several on-going, seemingly unresolvable problems in our marriage, but we were able to work these problems out four months before he left and our relationship is stronger than it ever was, with the help of marriage counseling and renewed,mutual commitment. When we were briefly separated (a couple of weeks), my husband flew home to his parents for a week so that he could think things over while we were apart. During that time he decided he did not want to give up on the marriage, wanting to do what he needed to do on his end to keep it together. His parents-namely his mother, told him that he shouldn't go back to me, that I had never done anything/sacrificed for him (both of these, her exact words- no paraphrasing), and proceeded to insult where I was from (the South)- all of this AFTER he told them he wanted to make things work for our marriage. She was also very nasty to my husband a few months afterwards (did not talk to him when he called,etc.), and has had very passive aggressive interactions with me as well (she was uncomfortably distantly polite to me before this). During our marriage she has consistently interfered with every decision/choice we try to make-both big and small, as I feel she wants us to live our lives the way she would like to see us to (we are in our mid thirties). (she did not do this while we were dating!). Given that she said what she did, I dread interacting with her when I fly out to my husband's graduation in June. They live 4 hours away from his school and will be the only family members present at the graduation. I will be there for 3 days, and other than lunches/dinners, and the graduation ceremonies, would like to spend the remainder of the time ALONE with my husband, not spending the entire day with his parents, which is what I know his mother will want to do. My question is- is it reasonable, understandable, fair for me to ask my husband that we spend our time together as a couple-alone- (with the exception of meals, and obviously the graduation activities), and not with his parents? They obviously don't like me ( I tried very hard during our dating and marriage to befriend his mother, but have recently given up), and quite frankly I feel like ignoring the statements/insults she said about me only gives her the signal that she can say such things without repercussion. I just want to be with my husband, without his parents hanging around the whole time! How should I address this? (By the way, I have never broached the subject of his mother interfering throughout our marriage, as I felt that it would eventually reveal itself to him, and that complaining about it would naturally make him defend his mother, making me the bad guy...)

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i think it is quite understandable that you would want to spend those days with only your husband. although if there is one day that he would like to spend the entire time of with his mother let him go do that and you stay behind. let her know by doing that that you know how she feels and that your feelings are mutual. If your husband does not mind not having one whole day with mother then your in the clear to have him to yourself to celebrate his achievment together alone. But i wouldnt try to keep him from her is all im sayin.


congrats on keeping it together and becoming stronger together! and an early congrats to him for his graduation!
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