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Difficult situation

This can be a very difficult situation for a pregnant woman, especially since hormonal changes are occurring in a pregnancy which tend to make one more emotional. This can affect decision making at this time and one needs to carefully evaluate their own unique situation.

Couples may have decided to not have children and the reasons for this decision need to be expressed in order to understand why the decision gets made at the end of the day. The reasons can range from financial issues to personal preference to being worried about genetic issues which may be present in one or both parents. Whatever the reasons may be, if both parties agree that they won't have children then they need to abide by their decision.

The pregnancy was an accident

Even by stopping hormonal contraception today, one can become pregnant tomorrow despite the rule of thumb of, "it takes you as long to get pregnant in months for as long as you've been using hormonal contraception in years". 

When one is now faced with the situation of becoming pregnant, especially when both spouses agreed on not having children, then it becomes very important to open the channels of communication again. Just as it was important to discuss the reasons why the couple didn't want children initially, it will now be important to discuss the decision forward.

My husband doesn't want the baby but I feel differently

A potential mother's decision may change overnight regarding whether she should carry on with the pregnancy, but the father may still want to follow on with the original agreement. This can be a very emotional time in the mother's life and may increase tension in the couple's marriage and lead to some regretful comments being made.

Having an abortion done is the topic which will come up almost immediately, if the couple are at an impasse, and the threat of divorce could follow soon afterwards. This may be a very unfair situation and it can seem like "emotional blackmail". It would be suggested to speak to one's family doctor about the situation as well as seeing a psychologist, together as a couple, to help understand the situation better. No-one can or should be allowed to tell a pregnant woman what she should do with her pregnancy as that decision is hers and hers alone. The father can give his suggestion, but the mother has to make the decision because she is carrying the baby and it's her body which will be affected. 


The potential mother will need to sit down with her husband and discuss further steps regarding the pregnancy, but the ultimate decision is hers to make at the end of the day. If the couple are still struggling with the decision, then a third party may have to be included to help assist the couple in the decision making process. This may help in giving clarity to the couple regarding the decision the potential mother will ultimately make.

In the end one doesn't want to regret a decision, whatever it may be for the involved couple.

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