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Hi,
I am 24 years old and married to a wonderful man. We have been together 8 1/2 years, married for 2 1/2. The problem is his mother is well...let's just say she doesn't like me at all. She is extremely critical of both me and my husband. She has said and done many hurtful things over the years, things that are really unforgivable, but I try to let them go because to me family is family. I was raised in a big family and even though we don't always get along, I know my family loves me and is there for me.

The problem is she is getting worse. She was nice for a bit when we were moving, or should I say, she was nice to my husband, then waited to get me alone to criticize everything in my life. According to her, I am the cause of all her son's problems. I understand that I have medical problems and am not working, but not working is a decision my husband and I made together. I am back in school, and all she can talk about is how I'm not working. Nothing we ever do is good enough, and I know it never will be. But she is still his mother, and I try to get him to be involved in her life. Now she is being extra cruel and manipulative to him. He tells me everything normally and he is so hurt he won't even tell me what she said to him. She is kind to others but she can't leave him alone. I know she loves him, but we need to make our own mistakes.

I am concerned because I recently found out I am pregnant. My husband am I are very excited. We didn't know if it was even possible for us to have kids, and we thought it would take a while, but it happened right away. I know she will not be happy, and she doesn't have to be, but her criticism is hurtful, especially to my husband. We have not told any family yet because I have a high risk of miscarriage, and are waiting until we have our first prenatal appointment and hear a heat beat. I want to tell my family first, as they will be thrilled, and we will be seeing them a few days after my appointment. They live out of state and my mother in law lives ten minutes down the road. My family will not keep quiet once they hear, and as angry as I am, it is not right that she hears our happy news second hand. She and my husband aren't even speaking to each other right now. I just don't know how to handle this all. I don't know if I can forgive her, again, if she is critical about this baby. I don't hate her, I just am done trying to win approval I will never get. Both sides of my family get along (my sister and I are the only grandkids on both sides) and it hurts me that it can't be that way. My family invites her to family events, but she only likes some of them, and my parents are not on her "like" list, so she never comes. I am glad to get this out, I was just wondering if anyone had any advice. I want things to work out because it means a lot to my husband, but he understands that the problem isn't coming from my end. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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It is definitely a very very tough situation, but I would definitely recommend you that you and your husband put the pregnancy in the first place, especially because there is a risk of miscarriage - the last thing you need right now really is additional stress and worry about how she will react. It's kind of hard to imagine that she would not be happy about having a grandchild, but from how she behaves towards you - it's not that impossible that she will react badly. Obviously, both of you have to tell her but maybe first you should start with the warning that her reactions will have the effect on the baby, I'm sure she can realize that herself. How is she around other children?
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Hi. She's not great with kids. She is dating a man who has two teenage sons and when it is his weekend with his children he stays at a hotel. They are "too destructive" and she doesn't want them destroying her house (her words). I've also seen her discipline other people's children sternly if she doesn't like what they are doing.

She has decided to come down for Easter at my grandmother's house. She, of course, did not mention it to husband, but I talk to my family every day, so they let me know. I think she is doing it to spite us, but that's okay. We planed on telling everyone that morning because they will all be there, together. I think this is the best thing, because she won't make a scene, and if she does I will have both back up and support.

I know she will lecture about the responsibility, time, and money that goes into raising a child, all things we considered before getting pregnant. We are not destitute either, we recently bought and moved into a three bedroom condo in a great neighborhood and my husband got a significant raise. We could be better with money, but we are not nearly as bad as she imagines.

I just feel bad because I want my husband to be able to pend time with his mom with out guilt or anger. I know this will upset her because having this baby means she definitely will not going anywhere anytime soon (not that I was before). But this baby representing the strength of our relationship. For now, I'm going to try not to worry about it. I am grateful my family will be there when she finds out, because the look of joy on their faces will greatly out way the disappointment on her.
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Viperbunny,

I myself know what its like to have these kind of issues. Although the mother in the story is mine.
My mother has always been self absorbed & believes everyone is against her.
My now husband & I have been together going on 9yrs (married for 9mths).
A little over 3yrs ago we were expecting our first child & she came to stay to help out. Well she didn't help & it escalated into a fight & I had enough & asked her to leave. Well less than 24hrs later & I was in labour & gave birth to our son (who has just turned 3).
In numerous conversations over the following days (where she did not mention her grandson at all) she adamantly claimed she was not at fault...
I vowed to not have her in my life full stop, I didn't need the drama. For me or my new family...
She has never seen her grandchildren (I had my 2nd son 15mths after the 1st) although she has somehow acquired a photo thru facebook?????

All I'm trying to say is just don't push it, let it happen if its going to happen. If she wants nothing to do with it, she is the one who will miss out in the end. And then maybe she might wake up to herself.
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Of course your husband (her son) would rather his mother and you all got along with each other. However, there comes a time for him to grow up and separate his needs from her needs. I have sons and I thought I was being a good mother-in-law, by not becoming over-bearing. However, I have one daughter-in-law who feels that I'm interfere because I tell my son about himself - his wife said "since I am your wife, your mother should NOT tell you what to do, that is my job" - and I felt that a mother's job is never finished - she still needs to guide her child though the challenges of life.

However, out of respect I decided to keep my mouth shut and not get involved - long story short I stay away and only come over when invited. I would critique them on how they lived, where they lived and little stupid things - but I did mention things like money and spending and planning for their future. I stop doing that, now the marriage failed because this daughter-in-law had her own agenda - now I'm worried about future daughter-in-laws -

What is the solution? I would sit down with his mom and him and perhaps even your parents for a family discussion - do this once your pregnancy is safe and secure. If anyone yells or screams - then end the conversation and let all parties know the guidelines prior to the meeting. If his mom really wants him to be happy she will compromise - if she just does not like you not matter what you try - then she is missing out a good daughter-in-law and hopefully the new baby will make her think
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