ive been a chronic smoker for the last several years of my life, it has tormented me as much as its helped me. I havent had a decent job for at least 7 years, due to the fact that everyone is doing urine testing now... Finally i got the nerve to just quit smoking until i got a job, or so i hope, my last blunt was smoked on december 8, 2009 and now today i feel so strongly about smoking that its beginning to f**k with my thought process.... my partner still smokes, and now that i cant, i constantly find myself irritable and bashing her for the things that i wish i could do. She says that she wants to be respectful and not smoke around me, which is good, but then when she comes out of the room after smoking, i cant help but to feel some sense of hatred towards her when i smell the afterscent or see her eyes are glassy, red, or low.... its not fair for me to treat her like that, but i find that now ive been really really mean to her and she now thinks that i hate her, which isnt true... its just i dont think i know how to handle the fact that she still smokes when i cant. So i start arguments every 2-4 minutes about anything because my anxiety is so bad and my mood swings horriblly, and i really dont mean to do that, i just find myself in that state, and not being able to break from it... i find that now its actually harder for me to think positive without it.... and if you knew me, you would know that i am the most positive person you will ever meet My intentions for not smoking are great, but my body wont believe that!!!

Through these past weeks, ive done overloads of natural and vitamin supplements along with at home marijuana testing kits that have cost me more than my marijuana consumption will.... which frustrates me as well, because after taking several thousand milligrams of niacin, apple cider vinegar, cranberry, and 7 day detox pills, i still feel those same urges like i havent even began to get over the effects of the weed in my system.... i really dont know what else to do, i do have an awesome job that should be here shortly, so i dont want to mess that up with consumption again, and i really dont think i want to smoke weed anymore after i get it, but something keeps telling me that what im feeling is false about that.... like as soon as i get the job, ill be right back where i started, and i truly dont want to do that.... i just want to be sober..... i love the feeling of me being sober, its just that i dont know how to get over that feeling of nobody understanding my reasons for not smoking or perhaps wondering why i get so anxious when i know theyve been smoking or are under the influence, all of my closest friends smoke heavily, and as ive stated earlier, my partner does as well, so how do i really get over this if everywhere i turn, there it is with someone that i love, and dont want to avoid or take out of my life under any circumstance but everytime i see them it hurts me to my heart that i cannot smoke with them like we used to, and they still do???


Somebody Please help me with this, i swear im loosing my mind over here, and this detox tea that im drinking doesnt feel like its doing anything for me either..... ugh.... i dont want to go through this anymore!!!!! :-(