I've been stressed about this for a while now, I don't know what to do and hope people here can give me their opinions, share their similar experience or give me some advice.
My boyfriend was told by the doctors that he has psychosis, not sure if that's a diagnose (from what I read, psychosis is just symptom? But Schizophrenia requires ticking a few boxes to make definite diagnosis). He has a family history of mental health problems, his dad has Schizophrenia and his sister also has been admitted to hospital for psychosis.
I met him about 9 month ago, we got along great, he's a very nice and calm person, we have a lot of fun together. He told me about his dad and sister's conditions, but he seemed perfectly healthy.
I'm hopeless attracted to him, but I don't think we are suited to be a couple, he had some commitment issues and I didn't like the fact that he smoke weed. I tried to stay away from him, but couldn't. So we decided it to be a casual thing.
3 month ago, he had his first onset of psychosis. At first, he was very teary and asked me to come over. He couldn't make it to work for two days, he started telling me about his delusions and paranoia, said he has done something wrong and police are after him, he wants to end his life before "they torture him".
In the beginning I didn't know what was going on, I went with him trying to get legal aid, trying to see a lawyer. Soon after I realised what was happening, I called the crisis line and was advised to take him to the hospital, which I did. I burst into tears when the doctor at the hospital was trying to convince him to stay. I bought some clothes and bare essentials for him and visited him frequently for the 2 months he is in in hospital. He was like a helpless child and was crying a lot. I felt that I had to be there for him and I wanted to be there for him.
He firstly told me that I don't have to visit him and he does not deserve a girl like me, later he asked if I want to be his girlfriend, he said that I taught him how to appreciate others and made him see something he thought never really existed, that is love. I said ok.
He eventually got better and was released from the hospital, with medication to take at home. But he told me he lied to the doctors about not having delusions anymore, because they suggested ECT and he does not want them to electrocute him, he does not believe the doctors can help him.
He lost his job after he was admitted to the hospital, out of boredom and attempt to self medicate, he is now on synthetic weed as well as the meds.
He has become a very different person, he is very quiet, talks very little and he seem to have trouble focus on the conversation if you try to talk to him. He is very loving and tells me he misses me everyday, and it still feels amazing when he kisses and hugs me, but I feel like his presence is only half of the person he used to be, I could not really connect with him on an intellectual level.
Another thing is the physical side, at first he seems to be still interested in sex, just that he couldn't get or keep an erection, now he says he just don't like sex anymore. I've read that sex dysfunction is a common side effect of anti-psychotic drugs. This has been very frustrating, he said he'll talk to the doctors and figure something out.
I'm worried that he will never get better, mentally or sexually. His mum and sister love me but my side of family and friends all tell me to leave him, I'm with him "secretly". I'm not sure if I can be happy if he does not get better, and whether my feelings for him will deteriorate now that we are having difficulties to connect intellectually and physically.
Should I stick with him, or just be friends, or wait a while and see? what would you do if you were me?
Thank you for reading my story, appreciate your kind comments
"It also shows he is not able/willing to take responsibility for his health." I totally agree with that.
Thank you Sally.