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Where do i start..

well at the end of December 2011, i entered a psychosis that came from my cannabis use. before the psychosis i wasn't the brightest kid or even the most social or happiest, but i knew how to keep myself busy.

So anyway, i was taken into a mental ward for my psychosis and i remained there for 11 weeks. during thins time i was put on the medication resperidal and oxazepam. my psychosis lasted for about 2 months and after i was just left with emptiness. needless to say this was the start of my emotions going blank. in this type of place there a quite an amount of people and it just seems to be polite to talk to one another. However i never felt the need to converse and i was emotionless. i could never find the right words to respond to someone and even now i'm having trouble finding words to type.

after the almost three months in the ward, i was finally released home. shortly after i began see a psychiatrist for medication and status checkups. he took me off oxazepam but kept me on resperidal he informed me that i would have to take the medication for about two years.

anyway, my real reason for being here is i wanted to know if my emotions will ever return after i am taken off the medication. i did some research and some say the empiness stems from negative symptoms of psychosis, and some say its the effect of the medication. Furthermore i read that some who were taken off the resperidal have yet to return to how they once were. this is very frustrating. I just feel a lack of pleasure and even things that are supposed to bring pleasure, such as smoking ciggarettes, are currently doing nothing for me. i don't even get lightheaded from smoking them anymore. i also have no sexual cravings or do i get pleasure from sexual intercourse anymore. i would also like to know how many others are in a similar situation.

thanks for your time and i hope this wasn't too much of a read.

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any replies maybe??
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I was diagnosed as having a psycosis about six months ago and was hospitalized for a week. I was put on Risperdal and have been on it ever since. My psycosis comes and goes and its a confusing mess but for the most part I have control of it. I know sometime I feel like I dont wanna talk to poeple and cant find the right words to say but its gotten alot better this past month or two. It might just be a matter of time before you are talking to people like your old self. Just dont quit trying, I know someimtes I just wanna give up.... But it will deffiately be worth it when we have friends and all that stuff we are used to having before the psycosis.
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Yes well i'm back. i know how annoying it is to see a thread about someone that shows ur symptoms and your left hanging as to what happened to them so here i am with some updates.

 

well right now i still feel emotionless however rarely do i ever notice this and i don't really care to much anymore. although i DO want to get off these pill as soon a possible.

well since my last post which i guess was some time in march 2012 i have smoked weed again a number of three times. once when 4/20 came around and i felt that the culture was still very much still in me. i had a fun time for a while then i felt a bit of the psychosis come back on. i felt to bummed out because i thought that maybe if i moderate it i could keep doing it however my mental health was more important so i quit for another 5 months. the other times the same happened. i ended it in 2012 and have been basically sober for all of 2013. i still sometimes get urges to smoke but i feel like i figured out most of what was holding me back and i converse a bit more freely now.

 

i had been home for all of 2012 and most of 2013 just listening to music and Facebook. My thought were still at this music would sound better high but i guess i was just to lazy to get the weed. I didn't like to talk to people much but even that has improved and to be honest, even before my psychosis and my use of drugs i didn't feel the need to converse. it is most likely progress i wouldn't had made if i had continued to smoke.

 

i am still on my pills, resperidone, which is hindering everything i want to do. i feel like i forgot what life before all this happened was like and this state of mind that i'm in is the normal one. however i know its not because these pills are dopamine blockers and are preventing me from being truly happy. however my life is actually quite stable and maybe this is only possible because i am on these pills. I am most likely getting off these pills in December/January, so i am pretty pumped up about that

 

as for what i do now, well i go to school. i'm 20 years old and i hope this will be the year i can finally move forward in my life. i still feel like i want to go back to smoking weed just because i want to feel at least a bit happy. However, the thought of ruining what i have right now keeps me from doing it. Who knows however, maybe i will one day do it once more, but as it is now, no. still smoke cigarettes now and that could be another reason why i didn't relapse. sleeping and eating is going a bit worse however. the latter has me going most days without food although i never have much of an appetite.

 

so yea that is basically the update and if anyone who has been through this all could give your experiences, i would very much appreciate that. so i will update this again surely and answer whenever (if) some one replies so yea. i guess keep on chilling and thank you for reading.

 

 

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what do you mean by "however, it is not because these pills are dopamine blockers etc" so you dont think the medication caused this?
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Hi,

I can reassure you that it's the medication that has been causing this. Antipsychotics indiscriminately block dopamine and serotonin receptors thus renders you unable to feel pleasure.

I have been smoking weed for many years and just last year it gave me a psychosis and I was diagnosed with schizophrenia afterward. I was court ordered to have antipsychotic injections (i.e., Risperdal) for a year and about two weeks after the first injection I started to suffer from anhedonia. I could not function and lost my job and have been on disability since. 

The medication has ruined my life. Before having started antipsychotic I was happy, motivated, and was full of life. The medication turned me into an emotionless zombie. I would just pace around my parkade all day waiting for bed time. Nothing is worthwhile and everything seems boring. No motivation or desire to do anything. Nothing brings pleasure, including cigarettes and weed. Once I started the med I also found that I cannot get high off weed anymore. No matter how much I smoke or how good the buds, I would feel nothing. Not even a buzz. Alcohols also don't work. Nothing brings joy or happiness in my life anymore.

 

I have finally stopped my medication and my last injection was beginning of September. The injection lasts for a month so I have been off the med for a little over a month now and I haven't felt ANY improvement AT ALL. I also found many others online who have suffered from antipsychotic use and found many of them suffer many frightening permanent side effects.

 

I am scared to death that I will be like this permanently.

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anhedonia - sorry that was a typo. omit the "not". it is def the medication.

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Narshe81 - i don't know much about the injection form of resperidone, but i heard its worse than the pill for. by worse i mean stronger. heard about it shrinking balls and stuff crazy. but yea i can't reassure you any because i am still on these pills and i'm only getting off in january. well actually im starting to lower in january. i'll prob be off in april. so i'll give an update then and tell you whats up. and yea i don't know, weed did have an effect with me when i smoked last year still on my meds although it was not as strong.

as i see it, on these pills we are trapped in a room. the higher the dosage the smaller the room. off the pills is like being out side of that room. its like solitary confinement being in this room. well anyway i'm just rambling. ciggarettes still do nothing for me although i still smoke them. i think its just the habit of smoking actually. any way good luck, Narshe81, and keep us posted!
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I actually made a mistake in my post. I just found out recently that I was actually being prescribed Invega Sustenna which is even worst than Risperidal. It is the metabolites of Risperidone and has a ridiculous half life of 49 days! Pills have a half life of 23 hours, so imagine 49 days. It usually takes the body 5-6 half lives to eliminate a drug, so that's almost 300 days after your last injection!

It has been 3 months and a half so far since my last injection and I still haven't felt any improvement AT ALL. Cigarettes, weed, alcohol still do nothing for me. Though, just like you, I still smoke. It's a habit and each cigarette I light I pray to feel some sort of pleasure from it but so far nothing.

Please, keep us updated. Be happy though to know that pills are A LOT easier to come off than injections. I am so screwed. I have read many cases of people who got the injections and still haven't recovered years after their last injections! It usually takes 4-5 months after the last pills to recover, but for injection, it can take years.


I am very upset about it but there's nothing I can do...
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hey how are u guys doing with the anhedonia?

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I was forced the Invega injection because of a misdiagnosis. I really need someone to talk about this. Is there a way to message you guys?

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Okay, i didn't really want to update the status on how i'm doing but, I'll just post something because it seems like people are asking some questions.

 

OK, so since the last time, i've been doing quite well, not much changes other than not having any psychotic symptoms. which is fine, i'm glad but..

it's not like my emotions have returned either. however i'm still on this pill for a while. i'm on 2 mg right now, so thats from 4 mg to 2. thats something, however i know i won't get it all back untill i get off these pill, and i'm confident i will. It's just basically taking care of yourself. don't do anything that you normally wouldn't think is good for you. and don't give in to any new "theory" that you have found out. it is most likely bs, and if you do think it's right then get some conclusive evidence backing it up. like here..

a couple months ago i had a "voice" in my head, which is basically thoughts that aren't your thoughts, and i don't remember totally how i was feeling. BUT it said one thing. "ring" and immediately thought of the ring i was wearing. i have been wearing it for about 6 years, and that day i noticed that maybe when you wear jewelry, maybe from other people, it's basically kind of bonding you. i got it from my mom, and i felt like it was just time to take it off. it was like it was sapping my energy, because the minute i took it off, ive been hearing how much i've changed. and i think i look better now too. so now i don't wear any jewelry and i'm just going the natural way. my ring had ying/yang and some other sign on it that maybe for some people brings them peace, it was sapping my energy. try looking up some models, you'll notice that the most beautiful ones do not wear jewelry. anyway my point it maybe this can help in the healing process, it might be a psychotic though, it might be self fulfilling prophecy, i don't know. but i'm just saying it worked for me and it might for you :)

now for drugs, i have more or less kept off of drugs, how ever, i have done weed on time in the beginning of February. it felt awesome! it felt like i could do anything i wanted and that everything would be alright in the end so i didn't have to worry about anything. also that god is watching over us and won't let anything happen. although i believe in god, i do NOT believe that weed is the answer to anything and most likely everything i felt was an illusion. that's why i have not touched it for three months, and i think it will stay like that. although theres one thing i feel. in 2012 i smoked and i had a bad trip. i was very spaced out for all of it and felt dysphoria (if thats the word). so i didn't smoke it in a year. then this time when i smoked, i didn't think of anything at all really, and i had a really calm high. no trips. very stable if you will. anyway. i do some vlogging and i noticed that the videos i made in the year that i didn't smoke after the bad trip, look like i was very spacy and such. like i was struggling to find words. anyway i think that the state your mind is in after the high wears off is most likely the state it will be in when you get back sober, maybe less intensified. i can't really put it spiritually but thats what i think. now when i make videos they sound more cohesive, at least thats what i think.

any way, thats a long rant from me, and if you want to read it all, it can only open your mind and give you possible ideas. anyway for the people who want to contact me, just stick with this thread. when you post i will always be here to comment back. everyone stay safe and keep it stable :) much love!

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I believe that high dosages of medicines like respiredal and invega coupled with severe illness (Im not sure which one although high dosage can have an extreme great impact) can cause the feelings to go numb and if you need to check your self you can go to a very pleasant place like a beach or even a cosy room and still you will feel nothing and the important thing is that to contemplate if you feel enclosed by the space and the grace of the room that you are in not just feel the same everywhere. Also, another hint is that you will feel that the world is big and has great to offer and not just a small place which has no significance anywhere. Another note on risperdal is that I think it affects your sensation of light and very nice places can seem extremely dull because you cant sense light well. In addition, if you want to know if you are fine you should have a good line of remembering of the past events from childhood until now and have the mental status that says to you openly this is me when I was young after all most of us are not born with mental illness. To recap from my experience, feel enclosed with the grace of the space, feel the world have lots to offer, feel real which you can sense by being in connection with others and feel that this is you and that nothing is blocked from your real past. I know it is difficult to feel that if you are not perfectly fine with the right set of medications, but at least you can try to have the "right" combination of medication (In my case resperidal is the safest effective choice along with mood stabilizers) and a good mind set with the help of psychotherapy and mostly family support. Although my opinion is not really vivid my self since im still suffering from mental illness, still I have reduced my dosage of respiredal and Im talking the right combo of medication which I believe have helped me along with psychotherapy to feel my self again. Finally, this is my honest opinion which suits my case (schizo affective disorder bipolar type) and is not always the ultimate truth and if you still suffer from mental illness, my advice is not to take everything online as truthful because it might be wrong and might not apply to you, but you can always look for sites with credentials.
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this medicine is poison. i was forced to take 6 monthly shots because i wouldn't take the pills. i have been bed ridden for over a year and have over 50 deadly side effects from this medicine. it will drive you insane from all the pain. tinnitus, falling over, dizzy, headaches that won't go away, ruined my intestines, very bloody stool and can't go to the bathroom, torture, don't take
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ok guys i'm off medication as of yesterday. i'm going to post in a month with a surprise (hopefully haha). i hope this will help some of you. so stay stable and safe until then!
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