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MY DAUGHTER IS 6 YRS OLD, SHE CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL THE OTHER DAY AND ASKED ME WHAT SEX IS. I ASKED HER WHERE SHE HEARD THAT WORD AND SHE SAID FROM A FRIEND AT SCHOOL. I TOLD HER THAT WE WOULD TALK ABOUT IT WHEN I HAD THE DAY OFF WORK, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH I WAS SO STUNNED I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I HAVE BEEN GETTING ALL KINDS OF ADVICE FROM TELL HER THE TRUTH, TELL HER JUST THE BASICS (WHICH WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT THE BASICS ARE), TELL HER IT IS KISSING, TELL HER ONLY REALLY OLD PEOPLE LIKE GRANDMA AND GRANDPA CAN HAVE SEX. MY HUSBAND SAYS SHE IS WAY TOO YOUNG AND NOT TO TELL HER ANYTHING. WHAT DO I DO, SHE HAS ASKED ME ABOUT 3 TIMES NOW.

MY SISTER SAID HER SON SHOWED HER WHAT HUMPING WAS (ON THE GROUND) THEN GOT EMBARRASSED WHEN SHE HAD A TALK WITH HIM, HE IS JUST ABOUT THE SAME AGE.

I AM SOO LOST I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO SAY - ANY ADVICE?

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Celebrity
495 posts
I work in a school.

It is such a shame that our children hear these words.
It annoys me an upsets me that children use them. (older children)

Most of the time they havnt got a clue what they have said. Its just a word. A word they have heard from an older child say, someone else laughs so they think its funny. Then it becomes an interesting word.

If a child comes out with a word at school. I usally turn it around, just to see what they no.

My daughter at the age of about 11 said to me "iv made out with my boyfriend mum" i was horrifyed. But luckly i stopped an thought. I asked what she ment. She said he kissed me on the lips.

If i was you i wouldnt bring it up again, if she dose ask her what she thinks it is. She prob wont no. So at that you can just say something llike.

Well i think its when older people have a big kiss (snog) ect. She will prob find this funny an you can laugh together.

She is def to young to be told the details. Keep her young an not put that pressuse on her. It could upset her.

When my daughter found out the full details of sex she was horrifyed an upset.
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How do you want your daughter to think of you when she's an adult?

Would you prefer to be the cool, collected mom who isn't afraid to tell her child about the world and to teach her child things that matter, or would you rather be the overprotective mother with prudish views on sex?

If it's the former, tell your child the truth. She should already know what a vagina and a penis are, tell her what they DO. Give her an overview of the different kinds of sex (oral, vaginal, anal, masturbation), and tell her some of the reasons people have sex. Try not to appear flustered or embarrassed while talking to her, as children are good readers of facial expressions and will take that as a cue that sex cannot be talked about safely.

If it's the latter, go with the kiss story. That sounded really good. Check with her teacher a few days later to see how many people she's kissing on the playground.
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Oral, anal, masterbation and vaginal sex is certainly nothing a baby needs to know at the age of 6 Pavtoryayu. Are you crazy? Tho it is a great idea to have "the talk" with your child, i am firm on the fact that a 6 years old does not need to know about anal sex, or masterbation, and further more why in the world would you talk to a child that young about oral sex???

There are several gentle ways that you can explain sex to your young child, and without direct detail.

There are many books out there that will help a parent answer some tender questions. I have to say, with respect to you, your wrong.

Hmmm...that's all this mom needs is for her child to go to school and tell all her little friends that a penis goes into your butt, or it's okay to put your mouth on a boys penis or visa versa. Teachers will not take that to lightly either and before long mom gets a knock on the door from child protective asking how her 6 year old got this information.



Do you have children?
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bbfeet9 wrote:

Povtoryayu wrote:

How do you want your daughter to think of you when she's an adult?

Would you prefer to be the cool, collected mom who isn't afraid to tell her child about the world and to teach her child things that matter, or would you rather be the overprotective mother with prudish views on sex?

If it's the former, tell your child the truth. She should already know what a vagina and a penis are, tell her what they DO. Give her an overview of the different kinds of sex (oral, vaginal, anal, masturbation), and tell her some of the reasons people have sex. Try not to appear flustered or embarrassed while talking to her, as children are good readers of facial expressions and will take that as a cue that sex cannot be talked about safely.

If it's the latter, go with the kiss story. That sounded really good. Check with her teacher a few days later to see how many people she's kissing on the playground.



Oral, anal, masterbation and vaginal sex is certainly nothing a baby needs to know at the age of 6 Pavtoryayu. Are you crazy? Tho it is a great idea to have "the talk" with your child, i am firm on the fact that a 6 years old does not need to know about anal sex, or masterbation, and further more why in the world would you talk to a child that young about oral sex???
There are several gentle ways that you can explain sex to your young child, and without direct detail.
There are many books out there that will help a parent answer some tender questions. I have to say, with respect to you, your wrong.
Hmmm...that's all this mom needs is for her child to go to school and tell all her little friends that a penis goes into your butt, or it's okay to put your mouth on a boys penis or visa versa. Teachers will not take that to lightly either and before long mom gets a knock on the door from child protective asking how her 6 year old got this information.

Do you have children?



Legally, I am a child. Does that count?

These are things I was genuinely wondering when I was 6-8. If my parents had tried to explain sex to me without going into "direct detail", as you reccommend, I would have been disgusted with them, because when I ask a question (when ANY child asks a question), I want to know the answer, not a sanitized version of it. Withholding information from a child or being reluctant to share information can only teach them that the information is bad.

That said, studies show that six year olds often ARE masturbating or even engaging in sex games, and teaching children what is and is not acceptable is ultimately more beneficial to the child than learning it off age-mates who know just as little.

Parents are legally allowed to teach their children about sex in any manner they wish (barring sexual abuse), and mentioning child protective services is rather misleading of you.
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I'm sorry, but your wrong. There is not way in h*** that i would talk to my 6 year old about the details of sex. (real details) There is a way to put it, and your way is wrong.
When a child is 6, i highly doubt that they are wondering about anal sex.
When a child is that young, they don't know the right answer or the wrong answer. You answer correctly in such a way that a young one will understand, without going into detail.
And mentioning Child Protective is NOT mis leading at all. Don't you think ears perk up when a child mentions something that may be a little to mature for him to be talking about? Especially in todays society? Come on, you have to be nuts. Teachers are alerted to such conversation and they will take the child aside and gently "dig" the answer out of them.
Masterbation, of course nothing wrong with it and perfectly normal.
I don't think a child will take mom's answer and counter it, especially at the age of 6. Usually, mom's word is gold to a young child and should be good enough.
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And as someone who was curious about how exactly different sexes worked, I must void your doubt.

You seem to have a varying definition of detail, in one post implying that it is anything specific about sex, and in the next implying it to be arcane information.

When the teacher digs out "I asked mommy about sex and she told me this and this and this", the teacher is going to ask the child not to disrupt the class anymore with it, pat her on the head and send her back to her seat.
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I'm done. This discussion as well as several others that your involved in could go on for ever. Merry Christmas.
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And happy holidays to you too.
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What I would consider to be age appropriate would be the very basics of sex and gender differences.

* Tell her about the differences between female and male genitals (again don't get specific just very general)
* Sex is how couples express their love for each other and how a child is made
* Tell her that if someone ever touches her inappropriately that she should tell you as soon as possible.

Then when they get around 12 or so talk to them about masturbation and how its normal and maybe breech on the subject of contraception and STDs and maybe incorporate homosexuality into it around that age as well if you feel comfortable enough talking about that.
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I actually found the debat very helpful. It showed me that a subject like this is absolutly personal and individual to each situation and child. I believe from the bottom of my soul that 10 and 12 is way to old to start that talk by the time I was that age I was practly doing most of that stuff. I learned that for me and my family my kids will have maost information on sex by 8 and even though he asked at 6 I will definatly be giving him some info. I also believe that masturbation is the healthiest form of sex. And if we don't teach, esspecially our daughters, that they can please themselves we wouldn't be having as many 14 year old mothers. I just wanted to share what the "debate" taught me. Each child and situation are different. And thus parents should teach there kids according to that individual child. No 2 kids are the same and you can NEVER use one closed minded, broad, parenting stratagy for every child. Thanks for letting me share
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That's a lot of what I got form this thread too. I think that every child kind of proceeds with their own sexual deelopment at their own pace. I think that the second a child asks you about sex you need to be honest, no matter how old or young. I also think that you're right, we should teach masturbation to boys and girls early on too. ANd if your child doesn't ask you about sex but they're starting to develop sexually, you should talk to them about it. Thanks for your perspective!!
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I agree that a parent should discuss the issue with a young child but certain details are not necessary. Why would a 6 year old need to know about oral sex? The poster back in the beginning of this thread was entirely to liberated.
There is no way that i would ever talk to my 6 year old about that, not yet anyway.

Two of my grandsons are 9 and their moms have gone over minor things, but neither one of them have even come close to the other issue. She has walked in on my 11 year old masterbaing in his room, and said nothing at the time. He avoided her for the rest of the day because he seemed embarrased. She took him aside and told him not to feel funny and explained that it was okay and to pretty much "keep it in your room"
I began the dreaded "birds and bees" issue when they were about 8 or 9, but i never even got close to oral issues, that didn't come up until much later.
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OMG this is what my cousin told her daughter about sex when she was about 6.... Bayley says mom whats sex?
Mom said its when people scratch thier butt and smell their fingers.
Bayley...OMG gross why do people do that?
Mom...I dont know sis some people are jus crazy.
Bayley... That is so gross! Im never doin sex!
This is true.. 
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My 6 yr old got into trouble for asking another child to put his penis in her mouth.  When I found out, I asked him where he learned about it.  He told me that our 8 yr old next door neighbor told him a bout a game called sex.  This troubled my wife and I and we didn't let our kids play with the next door neighbors for a while.  When we did finally let them play together again, our 6 yr old got into trouble again, this time asking a little boy to touch it.  I had to pull my kids out of this daycare place and a detective got involved.  Our son went to a children's hospital and spoke with a child psyhciatrist, where it was determined that him knowing about this stiff "sex" came from our next door neighbors.  The detective spoke with our next door neighbor's 8 yr old and a little girl next door to them (7 yrs old).  We never heard anything from the detective, which is good, since he said we wouldn't unless more follow-up was needed.

We are taking our 6 yr old to a psychiatrist to help him learn to tell the truth and to find out why he sometimes acts out.  I explained the situation to her and she said to talk to both our boys (8 and 6) about sex.  She mentioned some picture books that help explain, without going into too much detail.  I am going to go to the library this week and check them out.  hopefully it will work.

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