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everytime i talk to my mother she always has something negative to say and she never supports me or encourages. She has a woe is me attitude that she is the victim and that i say mean or bad things about her to her face. I only say bad things to her when i retaliate to her. She seems to like to start things and antaganize me, and then she says that im the one who causes the turmoil in the family. The other day she yelled to my best friend telling her that i am an unfit mother, that i have a mental disability and that i use and take advantage of people. She also told her that i had demons in me. After i told her i found out what evil things she said about me, she denied it. I want to know, is my mother legitamately crazy? or does she have a split personality?

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Hi! How long has this been happening? Has it started maybe when she started (peri)menopause and other menopausal symptoms started happening like weight gain, hotflashes, insomnia, etc

A very good friend of mine has the same problem. It has been going on for like a few years now. Her mother is a widow, her father died when she was 14.

Her mother keeps telling nasty things to her how she should move out from the house, stopped giving her any money for years (by the way, she is still a student), is always molesting her psychologically, is never supportive, won't even eat lunch when my friend makes it. Really frustrating.

SHe tried talking to her and she denies everything or goes mad ...like are you trying to make me mad???

I really don't know what this could be, but I do know that it is annoying. I just wanted to share the story, so you could see if some things match.
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I think she is transferring all her own issues this mother onto her daughter and other people, her own unhappiness with life rather than taking responsibility and doing something about it such as seeing a counsellor. I think the mother has major issues.
I had a neighbour who did exactly the same to me. Her mother sounds lonely attention seeking and not happy with herself and her life and blames others. She must see a counsellor and help her to cope and even get ready to even move out. Her mother will alienate herself if she does not get help.
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Sounds like a lot of projection. She probably has borderline personality disorder. She fears she is the things she accuses you of being. By condemning and punishing you it makes her feel like she is okay, but not enough, because she has to keep doing it. I know some people like that, they are a real pain because they play the victim role so well. The truth about the victim-persecutor-rescuer triangle that they try to set up (Karpmann Triangle is what the game is called) is that the person who seems to be the victim is often really the persecutor. That's why it seems like split personality, but it's just massive manipulation. They drive you up the wall with their false accusations and "poor me" routines and then when they get you angry and you respond in anger, they can turn around and say, you see what a rotten person he/she is! They are so good at their game that they can get other people to buy into their lies about you fairly easily. This is how borderlines operate. Whether she is your mother or not, there's nothing maternal about her behavior. As long as you look to her for support and encouragement the more you open yourself to her slings and arrows. The way to handle borderlines is to set firm limits and keep them. And tell the people around you to do the same with her, or she will be manipulating them into her games with you too. Decide what limits you want to set and let her know what they are. She'll fight it of course but it's the only way you're going to survive this. She'll get worse for awhile, more abusive and demanding, but ultimately it will be to her benefit as well as yours because the borderline needs structure and limits desperately. Maybe at some point you can suggest to her that she needs help, but going to a therapist has to be her choice. Also find support and encouragement elsewhere so you are no longer vulnerable to her abuse. She hasn't got it to give. Why do you keep looking to her for it?
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you poor thing to have to go through that. It sounds like your mother is ill and normally she should be the one to get help but in her state of mind theres nothing wrong. Dont let it tear you down its not your fault and your not a bad person. Is she ever in good moods? Can a family member help out to get her help. Maybe you should talk to a counslor. Dont hate her though she could be seriously ill and doesnt mean any of it. I hope things get better, stay strong for your own mind.
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