I find it odd that a friend (mom, dad, even teen) can ask me for advice and I could shell it out so easily, now facing it myself.....I feel as if I am completely lost.
Someone please, anyone help me, what do I do, what do I say????????
Do I stop her from seeing him as much, should I chaperone her always now, what what someone please please help me!!!!
I feel as if I really need a moment to force air to come out of my lungs, because it does not want to come out on its on. My chest is so tight, my heart is so heavy, that I just feel alone. While I know I am not alone, why must it feel as if so?
We were the mom & daughter duo.....we talked about everything.....now that she is with this guy, she suddenly feels compelled to hide this information from me.
and im pretty sure thats how you felt as a mum when you knew.
and its that, that makes kids hide things from mum and dad.
just sit down with her and talk, help her understand the situation and what happens, also speak to the parents of the boy.
its all i can suggest really
I read you post and just had to reply. I found out on 12/26 that my 14 year old had sex w/ her bf. I am shell shocked. Contact me and maybe we can be moral support for each other!
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The next morning she couldn't look me in the eye. I cornered her after school the next day and we talked, calmly. She was okay with giving information because i told her i was not mad at her and would not punish her at all.
I tried to shift the point more towards protection as i knew this kid was a "player"...he didn't wear a condom??? I suggested a trip to the doctor which she eagerly accepted. I decided to hold off with anymore conversation until we saw her doc, which was the next day. He examined her and took several tubes of blood, which the results were all negative.
We drove home in silence, then she burst out crying telling me how sorry she was to have hurt me. I consoled her and told her i was concerned for her health and that i was aware that this day would eventually come. I thought i was ready, but the thought of my girl having sex just sort of floored me, momentarily.
We talked about it in detail and i tried not to let her see me cringe. My insides were screaming but my outward appearance remained lucid.
With my gentle prodding, she decided to get on some birth control.
I know how you feel mom, but the last thing you want to do is to try to keep these kids seperated. They will find a way to be together, teengage hormones are bigger than both of us, and now that they have tried sex, they are going to want to do it again. Your role as a mother is to see to it that she get some protection. You can ground her all day long but it may backfire. You can try to keep them from seeing each other so much, after all, you are the mom and she is a minor child, your rules, your house.
Make sure they are not alone in the house and you may want to inform his parents so they don't leave the house free for him and your daughter.
She is now 20 and is in a committed relationship for the past three years. The "guy" she lost her virginity to now has 3 kids and all by different moms. She regretts it, but she thought she was in love.
You don't have to approve, you obviously don't and rightfully so. Just try to be more watchful and don't give them the opportunity to be alone.
Maybe it won't last, who knows.
Young girls who do not receive their father’s affection will very often reach out to some boy for affection and when they’re in that type of vulnerable state, that can lead to a sexual relationship. Since her father is not around, you didn’t say why you now have guardianship, your husband has to take on that father figure role. The last thing he should be doing in that capacity is giving her permission to have sex, either in his house or outside of it. He needs to let her know that he loves her, he needs to give her hugs (if she’ll accept them) and be as important a figure in her life as possible. I don’t know if he can replace her father, but he needs to try. But ultimately the message he needs to be giving her is that she is loved and doesn’t need to reach outside your home to find love.
Can you prevent her from having sex outside your home? Probably not. If you think whatever circumstances led to you being her guardian have done some psychological damage, then maybe you need to offer her professional counseling. But if she’s seems relatively well adjusted, and is looking to boys her age for comfort, and to keep that comfort coming is having sex, then the best thing you can do is to make your home a place of refuge for her. Maybe, even if not right away, she’ll sense that and use it that way. Allowing her to have sex under your roof will only make matters worse. Once that happens, once the boys in the neighborhood know they can have sex with her at your house, she’ll have no place of refuge where she can be a little girl. And obviously it wouldn’t be a good example for your children either.
So you face a tough situation. You might not be able to control her, but right now I would say what she needs most from you is your love, and the knowledge that she doesn’t have your permission to have sex. The more love you can give her along with being her “backbone,” so to speak, i.e. an excuse she can use to tell the boys that she can’t have sex, the more protection from predatory young males you’ll be giving her
Someone please help me I'm going crazy and i have too much on my plate already! I will always love my daughters but I also love their father very much too. So I to feel your pain Brandie and I'm so sorry for this long story. I to need advice! :-(
Tho back in the day, i was conceived in the backseat of a 56 Chevy to an unwed mom of 16, he took off and complained when he had to pay a whopping $10 bucks a week for support. But back then it was kept on the "down low" and very "hush hush", i'm talking 1956.
She got pregnant again at 17 by an Afro American, which was soooo taboo and unheard of, he was 27. This child was adopted out right after birth. A lot of this indiscretion was done under wraps back then as it was humiliating to the families. My mom was 16, her sperm doner, my (bio dad) was 22. This happens just as much, if not more, today. The only difference is that the parents of these young girls who are messing around with an older guy wants to string these guys up by their nuts.
But......in many instances it is consentual and many times these young girls scream "rape" when the s*** hits the fan for some reason.
I think the female body is a beautiful piece of work, but when i drive down the street and i see a young girl with her fanny hanging out of her daisy dukes and her girls nearly completly visible to everyone on the street, i shake my head. But on the flip side, i did the same thing when i was a teenager. I wasn't happy unless just about everything i owned was exposed. I was 16 and i was involved with a guy in his freakin thirties, yikes, what was i thinkin??? My mom knew i talked to him but i don't think she knew that i skipped school to go to his house and roll around under the sheets all day. Can you say statchetory? I led him on and i certainly didn't back off when he made his first move. Today, this poor guy would be behind bars and i would be fa la laing around like nothing ever happened. My daughter is 20, but when she was 17 she started dating a 15 year old. When she hit 18 he was was 16 and so on, that was looked at as not right by many people in the family, but they are still together. She will be 21 in September, his birthday was just yesterday and he turned 19.
By rights, she could have gotten into some trouble if the right person said something negative to the right person.
So..i more or less have to defend some of the guys as well as the girls. If it's offered to you it's taken, by either sex. Like these female school teachers having CONSENTUAL sex with an under age young man. Something happens, the guy freaks and before you know it, the teacher is behind bars, now he is the victim. I don't believe it at all. A young man would jump at the chance to have an intimate relationship with a "cougar"!!!! The same with a young lady, and i don't, for a minute, believe it's a "daddy issue"
But in the eyes of the law it is wrong. And it does look weird that a young girl of 16 or 17 is hanging out with a much older guy, but it's mutual. Now this guy or girl gets hauled into jail and has a record and is now branded a sex offender. I have read posts from a man saying that he had a crush on a young, underage girl of 15. They kiss and snuggle but have not had sex. My advice to him is to wait for her from a distance or run like hell because that is what the law says.
So to all you parents out there who may be going thru something like this with your son or daughter, don't be to quick to judge. The first thing we as parents think of is, "you took advantage of my little girl" maybe not so. That sweet little princess of yours has another side to her, i know, i was a sweet little princess too!!!
She is 14, a minor and living in your home, you call the shots, period. Raising a teenager, especially a girl is mind numbing. We don't want to even imagine our little girl having sex. What makes it worse is that you say the guys a jerk.
Is he older than her? By older, i mean much older to where he is breaking the law? If so, you can get a handle on it, legally if you want to.
Talking to his parents is many times, useless, which you have found out.
There are many ignorant parents of boys out there think it's "cool" that their son is doing the "wild thing" and their dads give the kid a big "atta boy" i think it's ridiculous that these parents don't see any thing wrong, especially while the mom on the oppsing side is trying to get a handle on it.
Why are you taking her to a counselor? Are there other things going on? Her having sex with someone you don't like isn't worth a trip to a shrink, at least i don't think so.
It makes me sad to read that you have nothing good to say about your own child. Really mom, your real angry i know, but this is your child. I am sure there are a million things that you can come up with. But because you are so flamin mad, you probably are not interested in remembering all the good this child probably brought to your life.
I think counseling is waste of time right now (for this instance) she is going to do whatever she can to get to this guy. She will lie to the counselor for sure. Kids have hormones that are off the chart and now that she has experienced sex, she will do what ever it takes to be with her bf.
I had sex for the first time when i was 14 to. Me and my bf would have climbed up a freakin tree to get it, it didn't matter where at all.
I know when your trying to talk to her and she gives you that rotten smug cocky remark, you prolly want to smack her face off, just don't do that as it will push her further out of your life. Where is dad? Are there brothers and sisters?
My daughter was a miserable little lying b**** back in the day. I came so close to sending her to military school, no joke!! She used to climb out of her bedroom window at nite and take off. I kept riding her like a horse, she hated my guts. I even had bars put on her window. I had a PINS order placed on her and she was basically forced to behave.
Today, she is 30 with 3 beautiful boys, holds a job and goes to classes.
But...she also had 2 abortions i the past.
My advice for now is to get her on some birth control. I know you hate hearing it and the thought prolly sickens you, but take a moment to be realistic, just for a second.