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Help!  It seems like 14 is the magic number for girls having sex!  My now 15 year old daughter just told me that she had sex (using a condom) with a then 17 year old boy 11 mths ago!  I am still in shock!!  I believe that I handled it well when she told me.  She told me because my niece just had a baby and we always talked about waiting until she was married or found the right guy (and definitely older than 14!)  She was feeling guilty and decided to come clean.  She said she hated herself for doing it and she knows that it was wrong, but thought she loved this guy and they would get married one day (yuck!).  The only problem is that we didn't approve of the relationship from the start and didn't like the guy.  We didn't even know there was a relationship until her little brother told on her when he saw a text.  I'm sorry to say that I didn't like the boy, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but lost trust in him when I found out that he didn't respect our wishes and had snuck over our home when we were away and she would sneak out of the house.  He doesn't go to school and that really bothers me.  Now, she tells me this and doesn't want me to tell her overprotective father, which I know I have to!!!  I think I should tell his parents that they had sex only because when I did talk to his mother last year about my concerns that I didn't want my daughter to "hang out" with an older boy, she told me "my son isn't your typical 17 yr. old."  Right, sure mom!!  She needs to know that he is like any other boy and I have to accept that my daughter lost her virginity to this creep.  My daughter doesn't see him anymore and now realizes that it shouldn't have happened.   I told my daughter that I love her and will help her in anyway to get through this.   She has self estem issues and I believe that she had sex with this boy because he was the first person to say she was pretty and he liked hanging out with her and they share the same interest in music.  I guess she thought he was the best thing she could ever get.  I'm sorry to say that the judgemental side of me thought there was no way she would ever like, let alone have sex with this guy because his appearance just "grosses me out" and my daughter is a very beautiful girl.  Please don't bash me for saying that!  I know it sounds superficial, but I'm her mom and I want the best for her.  He's just a kid who's content playing xbox all day and has no interest in getting an education.  He was being homeschooled and that stopped 3 years ago.  He quit his computer classes and now volunteers at an animal shelter.  My daughter wants to go to school to become an veterinarian (sp?)  and does very well in school.   Am I wrong to tell his parents?  I don't care if she gets mad at me, she'll get over it.  She also told me that they have recently been texting at night and that he told her a few weeks ago, that he couldn't be her friend anymore because he was too mature for her.  REALLY????  His parents need to know that their perveted boy had sex with a 14 1/2 year old girl and he was almost 17 1/2 yrs. old.  Any advice???  Thank you!

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Hi,

I'm glad your daughter was able to tell you this. It must have been difficult for her but it shows her trust and respect for you. You're raising her right.

As for the boy, I doubt you'll get anywhere with the parents. You could talk to the police if you wanted to push it. It sounds like he needs help and isn't getting it at home.
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She made a bad decision. Everyone does in their life. I made the exact same one with my first boyfriend when I was fourteen. She's already made the decision, and it was a while ago, she probably doesn't want it to be brought back up again. Just be supportive with her and let her know you love her. I don't really think anything will be down about the boy by his parents, and instead of thinking of ways to let his parents know, focus on ways to get your daughter to be more confident, and happy. That should be your main focus, that's all I wanted when my mom found out. Good Luck.
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I have already done what you said above, so thank you so much for your advice!  My daughter is moving on, she actually has a boyfriend who is the same age as her and goes to her school.  She understands now what relationships are about and everything is innocent.  Thank goodness!  She is enjoying school and actually takes the bus everyday (6:45 a.m.) just to get a few minutes to see her bf before classes.  I'm just glad that they don't have classes together.  That might effect her school work.  Now, my only issue is that as soon as she gets home, she wants to chat on FB or call him.  I can live with that!!!  Thank you again for your response!!
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Do we still have such old fashioned mum in the world? I am so happy to read about your reaction. You are so God fearing. May the Almighty grant you and your husband the grace to train this girl. Talking about facebook, just pray for her and let her know that pushing her books aside for facebook means pushing her destiny aside for facebook. There will come a time she wouldn't care about the face talkless of book. Good luck
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Mam m 19 yr old n i have observed such cases n i kinda get really afraid for my sister as she is growing up n has started going to a school in city .....i have also graduated from same school n its a nyc school where student especially gals r taken care of but still i kno boys can b so pevert still be innocent in front of u it raises my fear the most that what if she is gonna have a bf aftr 2 yr ( she is 12 ) n will not tell anyone m not saying having bf is bad m jst concerned about the thinking most of boys posses that girls friends r just ann alternative for sex....:-:-:- n even more than that i hate the thinking that gals posses that bf has got ryt over them n its their duty to serve them n if they left them still they think its their own fault:-( M so damn worry n i really dont wish her to have a bf atleast before college coz then she myt b mature enough to take ryt decision i guess:-( i dont know what to do PS- N FOR THE BOY I WOULD SAY HE MUST B TAUGHT A LESSON COZ THERE ARE LOTS OF 14 YR GALS N IF HE GETS OUT OF THIS EASILY SOME1 ELSE WILL GET HER LYF SPOILED BUT BEWARE THIS MIGHT ALSO BACK FIRE N COULD TURN OUT TO B BAD FOR YOUR DAUGHTER IF HE COMES OUT BE A EGOISTIC FREAK SO TEACH HIM A LESSON BUT TAKE CARE OF YOUR DAUGHTER AS WELL BEST OF LUCK N YA YOU REALLY ARE A COOLEST MOM I HAVE EVER KNOWN SHE IS LUCKY TO HAVE YOU....I WISH MY PARENTS WERE A BIT OPEN LIKE YOU THEN I WOULD TOLD THEM ABOUT THE GIRL I AM WITH SINCE LAST 3 YR N I REALLY WISH TO B ABLE TO STAND OVER MY FEET N INTRODUCE HER AS MY FUTURE UHUM UHUM :-)
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They better use condoms and tell the TRUTH about that... Can't trust them though, especially the boy... Be careful...
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i an 13 year old and i would never have sex with someone till i am like 20 yrs old and i would tell my dad cause i trust him and hopefully your daughter has got a better bf that you like and he goes to skl
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im sorry but this sounds like a (without trying to sound mean) really ineffective response. if some people had more control over their children and taught them from the beginning the real outcomes and problems that can come from having sex at an early age most-not all-but a lot- would have enough sense in their minds not to do this c**p. I'm almost 15 and I know that if my mom even saw me kissing a guy she'd beat the living mess out of me and then kick me out for disobeying orders. now i have gone outside of her rules and dated other guys but it never got to a sexual level. just kissing was enough to make me feel guilt and break it off. what i'm trying to say is that there is a reason why some people consider dating under the age of 16 child abuse and its because more and more teenagers don't know right from wrong, think yolo, and make stupid decisions. i admire how you approached you're daughter in a humane way but if you do not instill tougher rules, you can bet that this will happen again. I live in Cherry Hill, Nj and see so many girls ruin their lives by thinking that sex is nothing and then not only repeating what they'd done the first time, but coming up with much more drastic results. pregnancy, disease, and heartbreak/humility
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Putting in tougher rules will make things worse because the tougher the rules, the more likely that child would want to disobey those rules.I'm 16 I was rasied by u can do mature things as long as you're responsable with them and MOST teens are are mature enough to handle themselves.
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Yes this is a problem in western countries-I constantly hear of 12,13 14 yr olds having relationships and then sleeping with their partners sometimes being as old as 21/22!! VERY worrying!-the guys obvisouly have poor control and moral standards!!-Some girls of course love the attention(in their nature for some)-especially at this age- when the hormones are raging through,they are dressing more provocatively,feel more sexual, and compulsions,obsessions and feelings of wanting to boost the confidence and 'having a blast' are prominent. His parents should know,The police may well have to be alerted if no firm conclusion is come to by both sets of parents and youngsters! Perhaps-in light of your daughters self esteem issues(obvisouly common amongst teens at this age) she may not have divulged her true age to the boy!? Happens in many cases. Try to get in touch with the boys parents in light of this issue (be respectful of the fact the boy may not know her true age) and i wish you all the best in getting to a solid conclusion over this matter.
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I will tell you, as a fourteen year old girl myself, I honestly wouldn't have the nerve to tell my mother when I lost my virginity if I was under 18. Quite honestly, I know it sounds like your average teenager, but hear me out. Things like those are extremely personal. Age found the pure heart to tell you because she loves you and knows you'll accept her. She was probably hoping you'd accept the boy she liked / loved then. Its a touchy subject and you need to handle it very carefully. If you sound dissapointed in her, she will probably feel as though you don't accept her. Were hormones raging teenagers. When we get our periods by the laws of nature, were old enough to participate in sexual intercourse.
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DUDE! I'm 13, been having my period since I was 11, and I think unless you know you can properly raise a child BY YOURSELF, you should not partake in sexual intercourse! I actually don't believe in sex, love or relationships. This id**t girl is going to ruin her future because of some boy? And that kid, someone needs to anonomously tip 911 as soon as he turns 18 that he's a pedophile.
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Hello, I am not sure if I'm too late, but I am a 19 year old girl who had sex when I was 15 and regret it everyday since. From my experience with my parents, the only thing I always wanted, and still want, is to have my mum and dad still love and respect me. I know you will always love your daughter, but I feel like when I told my parents that I had slept with my boyfriend, they lost a lot of respect for me. I suggest you don't tell her father for a while, let him see that she is still his little girl without giving him reason not to believe it, and after 6 months or so, tell him. Then, for 6 months he still lived and respected her, and he will see that it hasn't change her as a person. My father didn't look at me the same for months, and I hated myself for it. Yes, she is young, and yes it was a mistake. But that's just it. And she knows it. At least she is not one of those kids on the Jeremy Kyle show :) All the best to you and your family, I hope I have given you a bit of insight.
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Urrg reading this is infuriating I'm 14 and I too started my period at 11 but see unlike most people I consider the girls pov. I'm not a virgin, I don't have stds, I'm not pregnant and I most certainly didn't love the guys ( yes multiple) that I have had sex with. Get your heads out of you granny panties this is the 21st century. Kids have sex. What's the difference between 14 year old and adults anyway. What we don't have enough opportunity to make decisions that we thought were right but turn out to be wrong? Your daughter used a condom and most kids with more than two brain cells know that you need one. Adults may be able to financially support a child but in retrospect you have more of a chance to mess up their lives than we do. There are many adults that can't support thier children either but thier not band from sex. If your worried about pregnancy put her on the pill. Simple. There is no so called emotional scaring for a 14 year old non- virgin. Doesn't mean your a 's***' or that you hate god or whatever. And to cookie how many years gap are there between your parents? He's a boy stop with the all 'I'm 13 I'm almost the same age' rubbish. Mate you need to grow up and join the big boys. Maybe take a sex ed class oh and STOP USING CAPITALS. You don't believe in sex hmm. Okay tell that to me in 9 years when your still a virgin. Also a perfect example of how the states is messed up over in the uk the age of consent is 16. People do it before then and the law knows. Get over it. And lady if you don't want this move her to an all girls school and ground her or better yet send her to Antarctica I hear it's particularly boy free this time of year.
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