I'm currently engaged, and besides my fiancee, I've only had intercourse when I was rapped. I trust my fiancee with my life, and I've given myself to him completly, but still, while making love to him, I cannot cum. I have (until lately) been very open with him about this issue and we have tried diffrent positions, speeds, and force to try to resolve this. but lately I've pretty much given up. and started to fake my orgasams so that way he would feel better. i know he used to hate knowing I didn't cum, he felt he was the issue. but he's not... its got to be me. sex with him feels wonderful, but I just can't climax. any ideas what I do to make this better? someone... please help me!
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Well, there seems to be a lot going on here.
You mention that you were once raped, and I suspect that might have something to do with your feelings.
But you've chosen to be dishonest with your fiancee, to make him feel better (presumably about satisfying you). How is he going to feel when it comes to light that: 1) You've not climaxed with him 2)That you've mislead and lied to him?
Trouble ahead.
I would suggest two courses of action immediately.
First, I would get a copy of Betty Dodson's book "Sex for One" (it comes highly recommended) and read it if only for your own personal growth and satisfaction. There are some women who do not come. And others who are easily stimulated. The average is that many women do not learn how to orgasm until later in life. This book may help you determine which you are.
Second, though I am not a rape counselor and don't know where your head is on this, I would urge you to seek out a counselor to talk about it. You may have come to terms with your past, or you may not. But talking about it privately with a counselor in light of your current "inability" may shed light on both issues. Only you and she can answer this.
Third, I would seriously consider stopping the "faking orgasm". Your fiancee needs to be intune with your feelings, and when you present a false front, you two are not. I'm not sure that I'd tell him everything (that you've always faked it) but I'd let him know that you're working on some things and that you may not be AS responsive for a while. (See #2 above. Does he know about the rape? Do you want him to?)
Good luck.
Perhaps some women can give you better insights on this than I.
You mention that you were once raped, and I suspect that might have something to do with your feelings.
But you've chosen to be dishonest with your fiancee, to make him feel better (presumably about satisfying you). How is he going to feel when it comes to light that: 1) You've not climaxed with him 2)That you've mislead and lied to him?
Trouble ahead.
I would suggest two courses of action immediately.
First, I would get a copy of Betty Dodson's book "Sex for One" (it comes highly recommended) and read it if only for your own personal growth and satisfaction. There are some women who do not come. And others who are easily stimulated. The average is that many women do not learn how to orgasm until later in life. This book may help you determine which you are.
Second, though I am not a rape counselor and don't know where your head is on this, I would urge you to seek out a counselor to talk about it. You may have come to terms with your past, or you may not. But talking about it privately with a counselor in light of your current "inability" may shed light on both issues. Only you and she can answer this.
Third, I would seriously consider stopping the "faking orgasm". Your fiancee needs to be intune with your feelings, and when you present a false front, you two are not. I'm not sure that I'd tell him everything (that you've always faked it) but I'd let him know that you're working on some things and that you may not be AS responsive for a while. (See #2 above. Does he know about the rape? Do you want him to?)
Good luck.
Perhaps some women can give you better insights on this than I.
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