My mom passed on in March of this year, my ex sister in law's mom passed on a month later. I had a horrible relationship with my mom, she, on the other hand, had a wonderful relationship with hers.
She and i have been friends for years, even tho i divorced her brother 21 years ago, we stayed in contact. We share many things, including the nieces and nephews.
She was around back in the dark days and she saw first hand how i was raised, tho there were problems in her childhood as well, mine were much worse.
She knew that my mom was real sick and didn't push the fact that i should see her before she leaves this world, she understood why i couldn't. Her mom got very sick just before my mom died and i would call my x mother in law just to talk. I visited her a few times before she passed.
When my mom died, my sister in law, we'll call her D, never called me and for some reason wouldn't take my calls. When D's mom died, i sent flowers and a small donation to the Hospice House. I sent a sympathy card to the whole family, but purposely put the envelope in care of D.
I have tried a dozen times to call her and left messages on her ans. machine, she does not call me back.
I heard thru the grapevine that she is virtually apalled at the way i did not respond to my mom's passing. She was taken back because i sent flowers to her mom's service. I don't understand. She had a great relationship with her mom, me, not so much. But does this give her the right to be "angry" at me because i could not respond the way she did?
My x hub, D's bro, says that i should just leave it alone for now, i have. D is still very much in mourning and visits the grave every Sunday. I understand how she feels, but her feelings are so different than mine. Is this a reason to end a 40 year friendship?
She and i have been friends for years, even tho i divorced her brother 21 years ago, we stayed in contact. We share many things, including the nieces and nephews.
She was around back in the dark days and she saw first hand how i was raised, tho there were problems in her childhood as well, mine were much worse.
She knew that my mom was real sick and didn't push the fact that i should see her before she leaves this world, she understood why i couldn't. Her mom got very sick just before my mom died and i would call my x mother in law just to talk. I visited her a few times before she passed.
When my mom died, my sister in law, we'll call her D, never called me and for some reason wouldn't take my calls. When D's mom died, i sent flowers and a small donation to the Hospice House. I sent a sympathy card to the whole family, but purposely put the envelope in care of D.
I have tried a dozen times to call her and left messages on her ans. machine, she does not call me back.
I heard thru the grapevine that she is virtually apalled at the way i did not respond to my mom's passing. She was taken back because i sent flowers to her mom's service. I don't understand. She had a great relationship with her mom, me, not so much. But does this give her the right to be "angry" at me because i could not respond the way she did?
My x hub, D's bro, says that i should just leave it alone for now, i have. D is still very much in mourning and visits the grave every Sunday. I understand how she feels, but her feelings are so different than mine. Is this a reason to end a 40 year friendship?
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I'm really sorry to hear that you had such a hard time with your friend. I think that it sounds to me that she's projecting some negative feelings towards herself onto you. And that's unfortunate, really, because you don't deserve it! I think that what you should do is just give it time. If she's really decided this is a huge issue, you won't be able to convince her otherwise. I'm sorry that she may have chosen to end a relationship over this and I hope that she doesn't. But all you can do is give her time...
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There was a similar issue in my family. My aunt's son died years ago and she has never gotten over his passing. My brother died about five years ago and my mother didn't go to the funeral because she was concerned for her health. Her mourning was so deep that she started to break out in hives due to the stress. She felt that if she went to the funeral, she could end up with serious health risks. My aunt was very angry at my mother for not attending the funeral and was so for a while. When I spoke to her, she couldn't understand why she wouldn't go to the funeral of her son when she (my aunt) loved HER son so much and would never have missed the funeral.
I'm telling you this story because it's so similar. I think the post upwards is correct. Your friend is projecting her own feelings onto you. She misses her mother tremendously and can't understand why you would miss your own mother's funeral.
Mourning takes time and I do think your ex is right in that giving it some time would be best. I don't know how long to wait, but after about six months, perhaps, if things are still rough, I would try sending her a letter. I suggest you start out saying how much you love her and love your friendship, what it means to you, and what her pain means to you. Explain to her that you understand she's upset with you and that you hope you two can talk about it. Tell her you miss her. I think she'll respond to a note full of love and compassion.
I'm so sorry she's not speaking to you. It's always rough when a friend stops speaking to you suddenly. I hope the pain you're experiencing yourself gets better. I don't blame my mother for not going to the funeral (she looked terrible and I could see that it was probably in her best interest) and I hope you don't think ill of yourself for not going to your mother's funeral.
I'm telling you this story because it's so similar. I think the post upwards is correct. Your friend is projecting her own feelings onto you. She misses her mother tremendously and can't understand why you would miss your own mother's funeral.
Mourning takes time and I do think your ex is right in that giving it some time would be best. I don't know how long to wait, but after about six months, perhaps, if things are still rough, I would try sending her a letter. I suggest you start out saying how much you love her and love your friendship, what it means to you, and what her pain means to you. Explain to her that you understand she's upset with you and that you hope you two can talk about it. Tell her you miss her. I think she'll respond to a note full of love and compassion.
I'm so sorry she's not speaking to you. It's always rough when a friend stops speaking to you suddenly. I hope the pain you're experiencing yourself gets better. I don't blame my mother for not going to the funeral (she looked terrible and I could see that it was probably in her best interest) and I hope you don't think ill of yourself for not going to your mother's funeral.
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