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hellow,

     i am girl age of 25. i have 3 brothers. they are all in their school. my mom is a single parent, i am working and i live with my mom i spent my salary in my home with her. my mom had been drinking since from my childhood, we are middle class family with ow budget and  she is 57 now and still she keeps drinkin, by the time she drinks she always starts fight and abuse me and my brothers and neihbours ,her colleagues, and also she brings strangers in our home thats also drunker and street hangers.she had beat me many times including injuries and now adays people says they will take her to police i tired to admit her in many rehab centers but they are all avoiding me says she old and we cant do take her.i am really very helpless as she starts fight with people even in late night after 12 or 11pm i am going to my work and she even comes there and abuses me..i am totaly helpless i cant think about my future or carrer because of her ,i tried everything i could she also had relationship with some mens but they all ignores her with few months...and since she brings stranger in our home the strangers later also abuses me on the roads iam really very in need of help!!!!what shall i do or what can i do  now please please help me........!

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Oh Tenzin, my heart aches for you. I think you have made the hardest decision which is to seek help. Hopefully I can help guiding you towards localized help near you.

 

First your mom:

You need to realize that your mother is very ill. Alcoholism is not only a physical addition, but also a brain chemistry abnormality. She is not herself and sounds as though she hasn't been for a long time. This is not her, and people do change and she can to- she is still in there. Trick is, she has to hit her bottom and you can't decide what that is (as her actions are already horrifying to you).

I'm sorry the rehabs you called are run by terrible human beings just making money off of people. "Old" people can get sober too. I've seen it. They are not all like that at all. I would like to help you find resources near you- any center should accept a willing participant. I am new to this forum is there private messaging? I would really like to send you some things to read online that will better help you understand what she is going through but we can't link other sites. I'm sure when you read "what she is going through" you probably scoffed, What SHE'S GOING THROUGH?!?!" Some of the reading I will send will help you understand she is a sick person who doesn't know better. If she had cancer you would not be as angry. She has an untreated illness, plain and simple. She does not realize the pain she causing herself, she DEFINITELY can't see the pain she's causing her loved ones. Knowing that, will help you help her.

My basic advice for anyone reading this is to contact the Central Office of Alcoholics Anonymous in your area. It will be in the phone book. They will set you up with a meeting schedule. I realize your mom probably won't go to a meeting. Central Office will call some woman in the program to come to your home and meet with her. We call this a 12-Step call. They will try to get her help any way they can. I went on a 12-step call last night and the woman came with us to a meeting. But they can also give you resources of good rehabs. I would love to get the name's of the rehabs you applied to too since I'm pretty sure it's criminal to reject someone.

 

Second, my advice for you.

Are you enabling your mother? Is she living with you? Spending all the money and you just accepting that as life? Well congratulations, you are eligible to be a member of Al-Anon. :-) Since you are 25 you can get yourself to the meeting. Al-Anon is for family and friends of alcoholics ad it will help you work out the resentments in your life towards your mother and anything else you may have stuffed down in there. Here is my basic advice for you if nothing anything else. You need to make yourself happy, that is the most important rule. If you are becoming depressed, sick, angry, unhappy because of your situation you need to fix it. If your life is on hold to babysit her then she is not different to you as alcohol is to her. This is where Al-Anon comes in it will also give you a support system so you realize you are not alone in this either.

Where the line is is up to you but you have EVERY right to walk away. She has obviously not hit her bottom and perhaps you kicking her out may be a good jolt she needs to realize she needs help. I AM NOT PRESCRIBING THIS AS A SOLUTION!!! THIS IS ONLY A SUGGESTION! I don't know your whole story, and even if I did, I don't know everything and everyone is different. I'm not telling you to abandon your mother, but, she's not learning any lessons. You mentioned brothers so I'm sure there is a whole lot more to the complex story.

As I said I would love to find out where you are and get you in touch with your local Central Office so I know you're in capable hands (no specifics to me, the stranger on the internet, just your city so I can give you the correct CO number. And understand, there is no fee or requirement for AA membership or for the house call. There are also other ways to get sober, but this is how I did it and I have a life that is so happy and pure. You're mother is still in there, unfortunately all us alcoholics are different and it takes a lot more lessons to learn then other. It's never too late, I promise!

 

PS. And no we're not a cult or "God warriors" as you may have misconceived!

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