Well, as the years progressed, I quickly learned that my mother was an alcoholic. I would sometimes walk in on her mixing some liquor in with a soft drink for me not to notice later on. I would sometimes find half empty bottles of liquor in the cabinets. My mother even went as far as to break the lock on my father's wine cooler!
A couple of weeks back, my father became very furious; he finally got fed up of my mother's drinking and threatened to leave (not that he hadn't done this before). My father threatened to leave several times before, but this time, my entire family got worried that he would not come home that night. However, he did. At that time, my mother finally came out to me and admitted that she had a problem.
About a week ago, I celebrated my 18th birthday by having a BBQ with my friends in my backyard. Later that night, I went out clubbing with a few friends. Before having left, a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in almost two years came over and brought me a bottle of Tequila (drinking age in Quebec is 18 ). We each took two shots and my other friend had one, for a total of five shots. I placed this bottle near the coffee machine in the kitchen right before I left.
My father was fully aware that I had a bottle of Tequila and that I had taken a few shots; he was present when I did it! Anyways, two nights ago, everything seemed normal until I was getting ready for bed... I noticed my mother had gone to bed MUCH earlier than she usually does. Little to my surprise, I found out that she had been drinking. When I got home yesterday afternoon, I noticed that my bottle of Tequila had vanished from the kitchen counter and had made its way into one of the cupboards above our freezer, only... About 1/3 of the bottle was full. What happened to the rest of it? Well, your guess is as good as mine. I asked my mother and she admitted to having drank it.
Well, my father found out earlier yesterday morning and again, got really mad. I received several text messages from my mother yesterday saying that she had "screwed up again" and that she was sorry.
My mother has a problem, and to be honest, I don't know how to deal with it. Inside, I feel disappointed and hurt by her actions, but I just don't know how to express those feelings. My mother called me up no more than half an hour ago and asked me if I could talk to my father about it; he had been on the phone with her right before she called me.
I am as tired and fed up my mother's drinking as much as my father is, but I just don't know what to do!! On the side, my mother's been going to see a psychiatrist and going to AA meetings, but it doesn't seem to have helped at all. Anyone that's gone through what I have, please, what can I do???
This group of people (in ALONON) are going through the same as you and they will help give you pointers on how to deal with your mother and make your life easier.
Best of luck!
**edited by moderator**
Anyways- i dont know what the laws are in your state but in Massachusetts they have something called a section 35 in which "Any police officer, physician, spouse, blood relative, guardian or court official may petition in writing any district court or any division of the juvenile court department for an order of commitment of a person whom he has reason to believe is an alcoholic or substance abuser" ---basically this sends a person into a maximum 30 days detox with no ability of them to leave! also they'd be encouraged for further treatment upon leaving! here the Massachusetts link mass.gov/legis/laws/mgl/123-35.htm
hopefully if you guys do some searching you might find something similar in your state!
every day im constantly wondering what my mum is up to, how much shes drunk, where is she and any number of other things. so far this year shes run away twice, ended up in hospital several times (about once a month) and tried committing suicide. she can spend several days in bed at a time not eating anything and just drinking, oblivious to the fact she has children. on these occasions i take her food nowing she won't eat if i don't and i usually get this thrown back at me uneaten. when drunk she becomes verbally abusive (usually directed at me) and passes out anywhere and everywhere - i once found her in a ditch by the side of the road!! coupled with this she also suffers depression.
my dad also does the shouting at night thing except he threatens to throw my mum out if she doesn't get help etc. she accuses him of abusing her as when drunk she falls and injures herself but the next day is unable to remember what happpened so blames my dad.
i know how hard it must be for the rest of you. i have tried and failed to get my mum to realize she needs help. sometimes you just gotta let them hit rock bottom however hard it may be for you and for them. sometimes this is the only way to truly help them
Good luck x
I would think whomever you told this story to would have to agree that your mother has a drinking problem.
Do you have an adult friend, teacher, minister, etc. that you can confide in and tell them your story so they can try to help you?
My mom remarried another drunk. He has been sober for a while because he to, has bone cancer.
For me, it took a tradgedy for any one of my family members to stop drinking. And only because of the mountains of medication that they were on.
You can tell them you love them all day long. You can threaten to leave them all day long. It doesn't work. I remember so much bad things from when i was a kid, all alcohol induced.
I am the only child, (i thought) and thank God, i don't really drink. When i was a teen i did, cuz i wanted to and thought i was cool. I find no humor in a falling down, slobering crying drunk, it literally makes me want to puke.
I am lucky if i drink twice a year, and then i can get drunk on a half bottle of beer. I am glad i have no tolerance for alcohol. You would think, me being the only spawn from a set of drunks, that i would be one too. I saw to much when i was small, way to much for a child to ever have to see. This is probably the reason why i hate drinking so much. I saw the devestation that it caused and the lives it ruined.
You can support an alcoholic (if you want) but actually trying to get them to stop is another thing. They have to want to come off the sauce and they have to be counciled, continually.
my mum is similar to all of yours, infact she has just left to go to the shop for the third time for a bottle of wine. She always lies and thinks i am oblivious to teh fact that she is drinking, my mum isnt so bad as that she starts drinking as soon as she gets up its normally after iv had my tea and i go and sit to do my own thing my mother hits the bottle. She blames her drinking on being lonely and me not spending time with her and all of her past relationships (my mum and dad are divorced). I am 14 almost 15 and find myself devoting every second of my own time to my mum praying to good she wont drink but still it is never good enough. Can i not have a life? My friends think i am paranoid ad when i have friends over i am constantly tidying obsessively after them telling them not to sit on the sofa and all sorts because when my mum is drunk she goes completely physco about teh littlest things which of course then snowball and come back to teh usual problems.. my dad.. me. I know things hurt my mum but she has never gotten over them and she expect me to do it for her and thinks i am my dad. When my mum starts to argue when drunk i normally agree or stay quiet as i feel helpless and there is nothing that i can do to calm her down. Sometimes i just burst and scream back but then my mum can become extremly physically angry and hit me, throw me to teh floor throw things at me.. etc. No matter what my mum does too me i always feel the need to stand by her as i dont want anyone to think bad of her because i do know the woman without the drink is a lovely witty charming woman, teh one i remember from childhood. Sometimes teh morning after my mum drinks she will come and say sorry for anything she said done and promises she wont again.. but it always does when ever she is feeling insecure. She will not admit to being alcoholic even though she has lost her license twice and used to go to AA meetings. My family has been involved many times and will always be there for mum but often starts arguments as mum blames everyone or her mistakes. My worst memory of mum was on christmas day i was about 11 i got my presents thrown at me unwrapped and tatty as she had completely forgot being drunk tthe day before. I remember dad coming over to see us both and all was nice until he had to go see his girlfriend. Once gone, all hell broke out on me, i remembe rmum holding a huge chopping knife to her throat crying and screaming at me. Me also crying and screaming scared as and not knowing what to do. I feel i have no support as my dad doesnt understand and really cudnt care, i feel unheard and have many time sconsiderd writing a letter to my mum with all my feelings as much a i doubt it wud work. She has many a time given me sucide scares, and argumenst in the mornings before school. Sending me to school completely batterd in tears and worried. I used to worry all the time. Where is she? is she at work? did she do to work? is she sick? has done sumthing silly? will she be drunk when i get home? I made myself sick with worry. Ontop of that i have lots of stresss rom dad as he has new girlfriend and i am no longer wlecome in my own home. I have no idea who to turn too, how to get help. My guidance teacher at school talks to me every week, but she dusnt understand really how bad it is or how bad i feel, many many many times i have wished not to be here anymore or considered running away.. but i just have nowhere to turn. Sorry to make you read all this just felt i needed to let go of how im feeling and wish that sumday someone will coem save me. I really feel liek this is going to be how im going to live teh rest of my life :-(
thank you so much for reading, i can relate to all of you people above and i know hard it is
stay strong, eilidh xx
My heart broke when i read your story as i see myself in you. Your heartbreaking words took me back to the "dark days" when i was just a little girl.
Listen, you can not do a thing to help your mom, nothing. The only way she can be helped is when she finally realizes that she needs it, and if your situation is anything close to mine was, that will be almost never.
I know it kills you to see this stuff, and her nasty remarks and mean spirit is overwhelmingly hurtful to you. I stll have flash backs to this day and i am an adult with five children/grandchildren.
I used to pick my mom off the floor and drag her to bed, she used to fall down the stairs and split her head open needing an ambulance.
She wouldn't cook for me and just sat in her chair drinking her beer, glass after glass after glass. I was ashamed to have friends over so i would hit the streets every nite. I got into some trouble a few times and i can tell you what the back seat of a police car looks like close up.
To this day, i don't know how i ever graduated from High School, and with high honors to boot. But i went every day and i did what i had to do, and i am glad i stuck it out.
I was afraid to come home half the time as i didn't know what condition i would find her in, which was always a bad one anyway.
I ran away a few times before i was 18 and she and her drunken husband and their drunken friend would fine me and drag me back home.
I remember one night they found me at my bf's Aunt's house and dragged me to the car, my mom beat the snot of me in the back seat, broke my glasses and everything. My bf's Aunt called Child Protective Services and they showed up at our house the next day. When asked why my face was scratched up, i said my friends puppy did it while i was playing with him.
That is how it continued until i moved out at 18.
I know your dying inside, but you have to be strong for yourself. You matter the most and you have a whole life ahead of you. Many times i just wanted to make myself invisible, or completly gone, for good. But i grew into a responsible and sensitive person who has no room in her life for a drunk. You are so young, and the road is long until you finally are able to be on your own. But there are support systems out there for you. Have you ever hear of Alateen? This is similiar to Alonon or Alcoholics Anonymous. It is a group of wonderful folks who offer their personnel support in the form of meetings. You can go as often as you like, and there are kids that are in the same situation as you are. Everyone has a story to tell, everyone can relate in some form or another. Just know that you are not the only child who ever had to experience this way of life.
Alcoholism is older than dirt, it is not a new disease and it won't cease to be anytime soon. But you can be one more person who insists that you will not be a part of it, and you don't have to be.
You can not save your mom, you can not tell her to stop drinking, and i do fear for you that you will carry some scars with you into adulthood. How sad, i know, i have the same scars to prove it.
You have to worry about you, as it sounds like your the only one with a head on their shoulders at this point. I know you love your mom with your whole heart and i am not telling you stop loving her at all, i am just telling you to look out for yourself right now. I loved mine to, but she chose the bottle over motherhood.
Every member of my family had some kind of a tie to alcohol and several of them died with alcohol related problems. I am the only one who honestly doesn't drink. I may take an occasional beer in the summer or induldge in a daiquiri when company is over, tho i do have a favorite retaurant that serves a great drink that i really like, but i don't love it, it doesn't consume me, it doesn't make me crave another.
The last time i was drunk was 5 years ago and i acted a fool around my kids, that reminder hurts me and makes me feel sad.
So listen, just take a little of my advice and think of yourself. Your mom is a big girl and this is her decision. It is by her own hand that she is in this position and she is not strong enough right now to know any other way, because she doesn't want to.
I am here for you anytime, just log on.
What you have written to that girl regarding her alcoholic mother made me cry and smile inside because everything you were telling her it made me feel like you were personally telling me. Im going through exactly what she is. in fact and unfortunately worse. my mother has been an alcoholic for over 20 years. when i was 3 she was taken to prison for a dui and unforunate death for 6 years and when she got me and my other siblings back she was a whole new mother. she was amazing. she had her flaws but i actually miss those little motherly things she did. I WOULD GIVE EVERYTHING to have that mother back. .. im 20 years old i live an hour away from her now. Her addiction to alcohol is bringing me down so hard i lose sleep over it. ive physically and mentally have become ill because of it. my whole family has tried to help "patty" and it hasnt done a thing! we've poured tears, lost our voices screaming and nothing has gotten through "pattys" head. this illness has made her become very VERY selfish were she would binge so much that she wouldn't even be contious for my 20th birthday or even when i asked her to just do me ONE FAVOR as my belated bday present and meet me at a college i wanted to go to just prove to them she was there for them to sign off on financial aid and id do all the rest so i could better myself in a higher education she couldn't do that. she told us were not her children anymore since we all have our own lives.. so she neglects us as her kids :-( shes missed family get togethers in the past 2 years. lied to family on Christmas and never showed up on xmas . shes stolen from family recently & just has caused our family so much pain. we are a loving family who otherwise stick close together but with her addiction to alcohol patty is putting a huge damper on us all.
its 420am . i cant sleep tonight. i try so hard to get my mothers pain she has caused on me outta my head and live my own life and be a strong person for my future but her addiction still haunts me. lately ive been having nightmares about me catching her try to commit suicide by drowning in a bathtub and now i cant even walk into a bathroom and look at a tub without cringing. my siblings have lost faith. they told me to also. But in my heart all i want is my mommy back. sounds stupid but im the baby in my family and even though i need to grow up and get over the fact my mother will never be back i still need her in my life.
Shes gone for good but her ghost still lingers around me in the shadows. i need counseling. .