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Hi :-)

The girl

I'm a quiet and observant kind of girl. Not unpopular - more like neutral but leaning against popular. And that is very new to me. Because I'm among the popular girls in my class I can help the less popular in my class. We've got this girl in my class which is VERY unpopular. She has a problem with her heart which has caused her mom to spoil her because the girl only live until she's like thirty. But that caused the girl to get overweight and to get an attitude. She has it so bad that she imagine that vampires are real - trust me, she belives it herself. She thinks that she's a vampire and that's why she can't get pregnant. She even thinks that she will marry a vampire! I took pitty on her and became her friend. No damage done for my reputation apparently. But now she thinks that she's the one that are protecting me from the others when she really got it backwards. I really love that she's protective over me, but she doesn't realize that when she's trying to act cool and untouched that she's sending a signal to the "predators" that she's woundable. So one day they achually pushed her and touched her stomach to mock her weight. That made me explode and caused me to yell up at them. That's  when i discovered the power i hold! Apparently they get so shocked that they obayed when i asked them what there was wrong with them and told them to leave her alone (probably said it a little rougher and didn't get to end the sentence because i can't speak when i get upset!) But they went all quiet and starred at me while they sat down at their seats. The thrill of victory ran through me and my friends said that they were proud of me (I'm not the type to yell or freak out).

This only worked because they never saw me like that and I never raise my voice at anything!

The boys

Next day some friends from my class and I hang out in our lunch break. Some texted and some chattered. I, as usual, listened and observed. The girls all seemed to be sitting on the boys laps or hugging them friendly (In our culture we don't see that as sexual, just a sign of friendship - unless they're in each others throats..) and i began to feel jealous. I always wanted that kind of attention from the boys but I'm too shy and afraid of they thinking I'm heavy. I'm not the smallest in my class but neither the largest. I'm in the middle (I think). But I'm afraid that it's too late now. I've probably rejected them too many times. Some boy that are kind of dorky because of his fast growth came and sat with me. He has always liked me (as in more than friends) and i've considered it many times. But it just doesn't feel right. Maybe it's my instinct that are telling me that he's not the right to mate with (not that i intend but it is the way our instinct work. We like a guy because our instinct tells us it's the right thing to do. All that stuff with genetics.. xS) He's a real sweet guy and my mother loves him, but i don't think i do. He said that some "lame" girl asked him if he wanted to date in a text and he wanted me to answer her...  Figured it out jet?.. Luckily another boy insisted on answering and took the phone from me. The boy followed me around. Inside the classroom another boy from my class confronted me and began talking to me. He was apparently also impressed with my standing up the day before. He was flirting so obviously that i wondered if that was why he didn't feel my rejection. That went on for a while and still does.

Me

I just think it's annoying. I know i'm good at being a girlfriend because i do what i feel is natural and follow my instinct. My boyfriends always liked that. But now i no longer want boys. Now i want men. With big strong arms to hug and protect me (and to scare those loveblinded boys that i always seem to attract away for once!). I know that i can't have those just yet because of my age - and to be honest i'm a bit scared of them. I was sexually abused from the age of three to ten/eleven which has caused me to be frightned by intimacy and men that i don't know. As you may have noticed this might be a problem.. I really want a boyfriend that can take care of me and that i can sleep with without feeling sick the morning after because i've overstepped my boundries

 

How can i help the girl any further?

How can i keep her safe from mockery?

How can i make those boys understand that i'm not interested without hurting their pride? (Basicly tried everything!)

How can i overcome my problem with intimacy?

Sorry for such a long issue :-) Hope you can help me out!

 

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Wow, that sounds like a lot going on! Well, first off, good post. I enjoyed reading it. Anyways, I know a girl EXACTLY like the girl you are talking about! Really, hats off for you for being such a good friend to her, not many are that lucky. You might want to help her by just being supportive, and when she say, needs advice, ask her what does she think could cause it, put in your input and what you would do/act, but do not accuse her, this will put her on defense mode for sure!

You shouldn't have to take responsibility for what comes to her mocking. She herself can avoid that, but she must look into her own behavior. All I can say is give her some friendly advice maybe? Or maybe be encouraging and tell her that "she must rise above those people and be neutral about it" or something like that. You sound like a very mature person and probably a very good role model, so if she was smart, she should take after you.

Ah, yes, them boys.. I can say I know what you mean. You don't want to hurt anyone, but you need to think of yourself. You will not date a guy because your mom wants it that way, or because he wants it that way. You do it for yourself and it should come naturally given the right guy. If those guys cared about you, they would understand probably because they've faced similar situations when they didn't have mutual feelings for some other girl. Just spit out that you are not interested in them, because men are in general pretty bad at taking any signals. But still, make it loud and clear that it's nothing about them, but you just don't feel the same, but you are positive that whichever girl they will get will be lucky and will be right for them, also offer to always be a friend who they can talk to and that you do not wish to lose their friendship.

Oh dear, I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through! Looks like you need someone who is mature, and who would understand your anxiety so he will not rush you. There is no harm in dating a guy a few years older, seeing that men tend to mature all the way up 'til their 30's. What comes with the intimacy is that you cannot ram your limits, you will just feel more broken. You need to take small steps towards getting closer in a relationship and only push through once you know you are 100% ready. I am sure that any guy who is lucky enough to have you is willing to wait for the sake of your well being and try to be as supportive as possible!

I really hope this helps and good luck! :-) if you found these helpful and have other questions I'll be more than happy to reply!

Yours truly.
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Thank you so much :-) Your answer hit just the right spot. I will try to push her (discretely) towards being more natural. I very much appriciate your impression of me and I appriciate your suggestions :-) I will wait for the more mature and understanding guys and I will let the other guys down gently :-) I'm so happy for your respond!

I wish you steady health!

Maria :-)

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