Scared of first pregnancy

I have just discovered Im pregnant. Im 37 and married, not the worst marriage in the world but most definately not the best. I dont want to discuss being pregnant with lots of people as Im thinking of abortion and dont want to be judged. I am very much 50/50 at the moment. All I can see are negatives if I go ahead with the pregnancy. Although I dont know if I can go through with an abortion.
I also have a phobia of giving birth (before you ask,yes we did use condoms!) and I know I will worry for the whole 9 months (I worry about everything and anything). I also used to use laxatives (having bulimia - for 18 years) which I have now recovered from but I am concerned about water retention if I go ahead with the pregnancy. I used to have trouble with fluid retention because of the laxatives I took.
All in all I have no idea what to do. Husband says he will support me whatever, but I know he didnt want children initially... I really dont know what to do. any suggestions or help or comments would really be appreciated.