Some random humor

Why is it that a mans blood pressure goes up, his heart rate goes up, his breathing rate increases and he begins to sweat when ever he gets near a woman in leather?

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She smells like a new truck.

YOU DO THE MATH
I have often wondered why I am absolutely exhausted.

For quite some time now I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax build-up, poor blood or anything else I could think of.

But just today it dawned on me and I am certain that I have narrowed it all down to the real reason: I am tired because I am overworked. Here is why I have drawn this conclusion:

The population of this country is 273 million.
140 million are retired, which leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this, there are 29 million employed by the federal government, which leaves 19 million to do the work.

Of the 19 million government workers ..over 2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Bin Laden, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total ..the 14,800,000 people who work for state and city governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, which leaves 1,212,000 to do the work.

As of today, there are 1,211,998 people in state or federal prisons.

SO! That leaves JUST TWO PEOPLE to do the work ..YOU and ME!!

And since your are sitting on your butt at your computer reading this joke ..that LEAVES JUST ME to carry the burden to do ALL OF THE WORK for EVERYONE. Nice, real nice..

Whale Tale


A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan,
when they noticed a whaling ship.

The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his
father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out
of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn
over and sink."

They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and
were swimming to the safety of shore.

The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the
female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the
shore."

At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow
him.

"Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely
refuse to swallow the seamen."

A little known fact about the Catholic church...



There are more churches in Las Vegas than casinos. During Sunday

services at the offertory, some worshippers contribute casino chips

as opposed to cash. Some are sharing their winnings - some are

hoping to win. Since they get chips from so many different casinos,

and they are worth money, the Catholic churches are required to send

all of the chips to the diocese for sorting.



Once sorted into the respective casino chips, one junior priest

takes the chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips

into cash. And he is known as.......







The Chip Monk

So there I was, sitting in a coffee shop next to a blond. She was temporarily engrossed in reading a newspaper.
One of the headlines blared: "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed."
She shook her head at the sad news. Then, turning to me, asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"