There are so many pains it's hard to remember them all (Long

I have a longer version/story if u wan't to understand better how i got to this point. Also I have a list of the "Meds" I am taking if u want to know what helps even tho i don't know if there is any1 else that feels the pain I do. The things I listed here are the bare minimum these things are painfull and tear on a person but the phsychological pains are so different they pull on "ME" and not the physical me if you believe in souls imagin mine(if it was tru) it's being riped and torn into millions of pieces and then put back together only to be ripped apart again thats what it's like for most. For me All i have inside is emptiness and negative feelings which sucks cus if im not sad or mad im not anything

I feel like I am dieing every day I go to sleep sometimes hoping I don't wake up. I lost myself long ago I am an empty shell now discarded on the beach.


SORRY FOR THE BOOK
(sorry about so much writing)


Current Pains unexplainable pains (recent to older)
Tonight: Excruciating Pain just below my left buttocks that kind of circles around my leg then goes down into my toes it makes it so I can't even put weight on the left side when i am sitting or it feels as though I am getting stabbed in the left buttocks cheek hurts to even lay down the only time that it has gone away has been when i walk/limp or press on the spot that it hurts which makes it hurt more for a few seconds then goes away till I let go at which point it steadly comes back within 20-30 seconds.
This Morning: Well I had been in the garage the night before and got locked out of the house on accident. I went inside around 10AM and got in the shower after the shower I went to my room in my towel and laid on the bed for a few minutes then when I stood up I and reched for my Boxers my hand started to open then it started shaking fiercly then reluctently and painfully I open it and start to bring my fingers straight out the farther they go the more it hurts then I look at my Middle nuckle on the right hand and just below it there is a... Lump? It looked kinda like the flat side of a ball point pen cap trying to push it's way through. I kinda freaked out for a second because how my hand got messed up to begin with at which point i grabed the phone not moving the middle finger for the next 15 minutes looking for a ride to the hospital. I couldn't find one so I walked out the backdoor of my house straightening my fingers to look at the lump again and to my suprise opened with semi-mild shaking but alot less pain. Since then my knuckles have been a light shade of a purpleish blueish color kinda like bruises but light most of the time.
Now it is just a dull slightly tightening pain. feels like I am gunna wake up tomarrow with my leg scrunched up close to me and my hand clasped/cramped closed (Explanation in next section Under "Phsycho EX")

Now i'm just gunna group most of the rest of emm together since it's been awhile since they started and because they are there 99 percent of the time these are the pains i have learned to deal with/ignore but still hurt a bunch and alot of varities that pretty much cover the board if they are special i will mention

From head down
Headaches:2-4 a week.. 5 weeks ago I had been taking amnatriptalyn(spelling?) for about a month and a half and i forgot to take it one night and didn't have it with me. It felt like someone just kept hitting me in the middle of the forhead with an axe repetedly Sounds wierd i know. Worste part was that i had to go on a 14 hour drive the next day and only got 3 hours of sleep
Neck: 7 days a week varies in type and intensity.This scares the hell outta me On average about 10 times a month I will just be sitting/standing there and turn my head left to say something or just turn my head and i just get this enormus feeling like the base of my skull right behind the ear got hit with a huge amount of electricity and it just travels down the left side of my body always the left. The first time it happend I was in a doctors office in a room my sister was talking to the doctor and i just screem in agony and drop to my knee(s) cluching the base of my neck and everyone inlcuding the doctor just look at me like im retarted then ask me what happend and i explained it which got the doctor to look at me like i was a lunatic and then started talking to my sister again my arm felt almost tingly but kinda stung at the same time and it's happend over and over again for the past 2 years in all types of situations. Tis kinda embarassing yellin AHHH mother fu..... on a crowded bus old lady's and there mean looks hurt worse then my neck.
Shoulders and surrounding area: sore/tight 7 days a week- About 6 years ago i tried doing a backflip into a lake off of a log and when i came back down my shoulders and inbetween my shoulder blades hit the log and i heard what sounder like a million cracks then my whole back goes rigid at which point i'm thinkin i shattered my spine then i hit the water after rolling off the log and somehow swim back to shore and then drive 25 miles to the hospital were the did 1 x-ray which showed i was fine. To this day that sound haunts me about every 5 to 10 minutes if i breath in a little deeper than normal my upper back cracks. When i am sitting ir just during the end of the if i havn't purposly cracked my upper back it feels like there is a huge pressure on my spine its like some stuck a water balloon in there and it can't pop
Biceps and Chest: Chest-5 out of 7 Biceps-varries 2 out of 7 I have on more than a handfull of occasions thought i was having a heart attack for real
Arms and Stomache: Arms-4 out of 7 Stomache 7 out of 7
I have/had extreme acid reflux used to feel acid in my throat and nostrils it got to the point i had to decide if a hole in my stomache was worth pop and fast food oh yea i also had to stop my damn near 3000mg's a day ibuprofen regimen. Other than the normal lack of energy or constant fatigue always barely having the energy to move my arms

LOWER BACK: 7 out of 7 This area gets a section all for itself
As long as I can remember i've had a sore lower back but long ago it was maybe 7 times a month and thats cus i had pain from growing 8 inches in a year. This was my first core physical area that started "breaking"
I got into a car accident in 04 cus the id**t that was drivin ran a red light an T-boned some1.... Summary: We hit some1 i felt fine then later on my neck and back started hurting/tightening at that point i went to the ER and got one of there famous x-rays which came up with......nuthing they decided that it was muscle spasms in my back and put my in phys therapy were the guy said he thought i had a pinched nerve. I went and got an MRI and guess what... THEY FOUND OUT I HAD A BULGING L5 so the guy had been giving me the wrong treatment the whole time which made it worse i havn't had a very stable life/home imviroment in the last 6 years so now my disk is a herniated L5 so i need a cortazone shot but i dunno

Legs- 3 out of 7
When i was younger i put my left knee through a fish tank and cut about a good inch into it. That is the one and only injurie mostly cus its shorter so the right hits the ground first. Like when it started given out on me after i fell with a female on my back and took the fall straight to the knees so she wouldn't go flyin into a bush or sumthin.......not the smartest decision i've made. Now it's to the point i can't put much strain on it even stretching makes it hurt for about 4 hours