If the thought of sexual experiences between 2 guys makes you feel disgusted, you might want to leave this topic ;-)
So, i've been with my boyfriend for a few months over a year now, we actually met online (lol) and live quite far away from each other. Infact, a 5 hour train ride or a 1 and a half hour flight is needed for us to see each other. Well, we started meeting up in person toward the end of december of last year and since then have met 5 or 6 more times, each time for a week or more (which is not really relevant to the story but a nice scene setter!) anyway, i'm going to be moving in with him in a few weeks / a month or two and things on that side of things are great.
However, when it comes to sex we have a little bit of an issue, which neither of us really know how to solve, it's not specific to gay sex, so i'm hoping some here may have some words of advice.
I am unable to make him cum without plenty of assistance from his own hand during oral sex / hand jobs by me. I've took advice when he has offered it about how to hold his penis, how fast to jerk it, what he likes me to do with my mouth, etc but it just doesn't work out.
He's assuring me that it is nothing to do with what i'm actually doing, that what i'm doing, is good, he just doesn't feel it in the way he should, as if his penis is a little numbed when i'm doing things to him. He says his penis often feels 'harder' and less sensitive. For him to finish, he has to take over and do it himself for a while get himself quite close and often then gets me to finish the job, which works.
I want him to enjoy what we do as much as i do, he says he enjoys the intimacy, it doesn't feel bad, it just doesn't make him climax. He says that when he does cum with me (again through him helping) that it feels good, although 'different' even when finishing himself after i started, he says that the orgasm is different. It feels good, but feels 'harder' as if the cum is being forced out different and is slightly uncomfortable. He also has never finished during actual sex, in which he topped, although apparently came close once.
I'm not sure what i can do to help, i'm not sure what advice i can offer to him, or what he can even do to help the situation either. I'm not sure whether it's his penis getting too hard / worked up, or whether it is me being bad at it without him realising the problem is mine.
Any suggestions or advice will be great appreciated.
thanks.
So, i've been with my boyfriend for a few months over a year now, we actually met online (lol) and live quite far away from each other. Infact, a 5 hour train ride or a 1 and a half hour flight is needed for us to see each other. Well, we started meeting up in person toward the end of december of last year and since then have met 5 or 6 more times, each time for a week or more (which is not really relevant to the story but a nice scene setter!) anyway, i'm going to be moving in with him in a few weeks / a month or two and things on that side of things are great.
However, when it comes to sex we have a little bit of an issue, which neither of us really know how to solve, it's not specific to gay sex, so i'm hoping some here may have some words of advice.
I am unable to make him cum without plenty of assistance from his own hand during oral sex / hand jobs by me. I've took advice when he has offered it about how to hold his penis, how fast to jerk it, what he likes me to do with my mouth, etc but it just doesn't work out.
He's assuring me that it is nothing to do with what i'm actually doing, that what i'm doing, is good, he just doesn't feel it in the way he should, as if his penis is a little numbed when i'm doing things to him. He says his penis often feels 'harder' and less sensitive. For him to finish, he has to take over and do it himself for a while get himself quite close and often then gets me to finish the job, which works.
I want him to enjoy what we do as much as i do, he says he enjoys the intimacy, it doesn't feel bad, it just doesn't make him climax. He says that when he does cum with me (again through him helping) that it feels good, although 'different' even when finishing himself after i started, he says that the orgasm is different. It feels good, but feels 'harder' as if the cum is being forced out different and is slightly uncomfortable. He also has never finished during actual sex, in which he topped, although apparently came close once.
I'm not sure what i can do to help, i'm not sure what advice i can offer to him, or what he can even do to help the situation either. I'm not sure whether it's his penis getting too hard / worked up, or whether it is me being bad at it without him realising the problem is mine.
Any suggestions or advice will be great appreciated.
thanks.
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Hi gaydude,
I can only speak in general terms but I don't think the problem is yours. Some guys are just used to getting off in certain ways. Whether it be with a woman or a man it doesn't matter. Your partner obviously has specific ways that he likes. I think it is great that the two of you are communicating and that you are trying your best to satisfy his needs. Again, it is not your problem.
I think that he has basically trained himself to orgasm only in specific ways. With time and patience you can probably get him to learn to adapt to new ways. Have you tried to get him really worked up for a long time so that he really needs to ejaculate? I tend to think you would have.
Keep working with him and keep trying. There could still be a bit of a "comfort" factor involved here too. Once you've moved in and things have settled down it may change.
Hope that helps some, keep us posted.
I can only speak in general terms but I don't think the problem is yours. Some guys are just used to getting off in certain ways. Whether it be with a woman or a man it doesn't matter. Your partner obviously has specific ways that he likes. I think it is great that the two of you are communicating and that you are trying your best to satisfy his needs. Again, it is not your problem.
I think that he has basically trained himself to orgasm only in specific ways. With time and patience you can probably get him to learn to adapt to new ways. Have you tried to get him really worked up for a long time so that he really needs to ejaculate? I tend to think you would have.
Keep working with him and keep trying. There could still be a bit of a "comfort" factor involved here too. Once you've moved in and things have settled down it may change.
Hope that helps some, keep us posted.
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Thanks for the reply :-)
Y'know i've thought that perhaps as you say, it might just be down to him liking the way he does it and being used to that way and it does seem plausible. A few times i've took his directions to doing it as close to the way he does it as possible, i'm not overly sure whether it was working all that well.
I think the issue has gotten slightly better over time, the reason i'm looking for advice about it now is because where as i knew there was a problem, after talking with him about it yesterday, he finally told me about it fully, so it was a bit of a shock to hear it is quite as 'serious' in the way of him not getting much pleasure out of the physical things i do.
I'm hoping time and the new place will help. In his uni halls, and at my place, we've had to be quiet and such because of other people in the vicinity and perhaps that is creating a problem too.
I wish i knew for sure which factors were causing this, the not knowing exactly what's going on, is the bit i find hard to cope with :p but i love him and i'm going to support him and i guess eventually we'll get to the bottom of this.
Y'know i've thought that perhaps as you say, it might just be down to him liking the way he does it and being used to that way and it does seem plausible. A few times i've took his directions to doing it as close to the way he does it as possible, i'm not overly sure whether it was working all that well.
I think the issue has gotten slightly better over time, the reason i'm looking for advice about it now is because where as i knew there was a problem, after talking with him about it yesterday, he finally told me about it fully, so it was a bit of a shock to hear it is quite as 'serious' in the way of him not getting much pleasure out of the physical things i do.
I'm hoping time and the new place will help. In his uni halls, and at my place, we've had to be quiet and such because of other people in the vicinity and perhaps that is creating a problem too.
I wish i knew for sure which factors were causing this, the not knowing exactly what's going on, is the bit i find hard to cope with :p but i love him and i'm going to support him and i guess eventually we'll get to the bottom of this.
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Hi,
You're welcome.
The communications between the two of you is the key to solving this. I also can understand what you're saying about having to be quiet and how that can affect performance.
Give it some time, be patient and understanding. You'll come out with a much stronger relationship in the end.
Good luck!
You're welcome.
The communications between the two of you is the key to solving this. I also can understand what you're saying about having to be quiet and how that can affect performance.
Give it some time, be patient and understanding. You'll come out with a much stronger relationship in the end.
Good luck!
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