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I've been in a relationship for 6 years with a wonderful man... problem is.. his spoiled adult children and his overprotective ways with them. I am not allowed to be involved in any part of their lives. When I ask about them, I'm given one word answer... "fine". Not sure where the "line" is that I can't cross when it comes to them, but essentially, they are off limits. I feel like an outsider when it comes to his family. We do live together and the children live in another state. They never call him at home, only on his cell phone and I very rarely have the opportunity to speak with them. He constantly makes excuses and I think he doesn't want to believe that they are fine and are now adults living their own lives. He wants to believe they are small and needy for some reason. THis is causing havoc in our relationship. Is this a red flag of things to come? Is it time to go?

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I wouldn's say it's time to go, but it is a red flag for sure. 6 years is a long time together, and it's not worth throwing in the towel until you have gotten into the meat of the problem.
The nice thing is that they live in another state. Could you imagine if they were local?
No matter which way you slice it, blood is always going to be thicker than water, these are his children and that's that, but.............you are his partner and you deserve to be treated as such. Remind him that you are here with him and that you love him, remind him that you don't want to pry into his kids lives but you might want to know how they are.
You two need to sit down together and hash this one out. Put your concerns flat on the table, don't p***y foot around. You have been with him long enough to be able to express your feelings and concerns.
If that won't work, suggest relationship counseling. Is he receptive to stuff like that or will he buck you?
The kids are ALWAYS going to be in his life somewhere, all the time, whether you like it or not, but you can fix it.
You must be direct and forget crossing that line for right now, just jump in and talk. If he refuses to meet you at least half way, then maybe it is time to consider something or someone else. Your not getting any younger, but you are getting wiser. Don't marry him, not now anyway.
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Thanks for the reply.... I'm not so sure that he is the real problem here. Seems that he wants to make these adult kids "needy" in his own mind when in fact they are not and actually live a happy successful life. It's like he wants to believe that they need him and are still teenagers or something. If I try to reason, that's when the problems start. I have 2 of my own and it's now to the point that we don't ask about or discuss each others families other than "they're fine". I don't want to share my family with him if it's not a mutual thing. I believe I get along great with his kids, never had a problem before. THis is just about his feelings of guilt or something over never being around when they were growing up.
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That is exactly what it is "guilt" for being an absent daddy. Now he feels he has to make up for all those lost years. He is probably struggling with himself all the time over this.
We can't keep our babies little all their life, as much as we want to.
I lived with a guy who had three boys. It was all about them. They ran over me like a steam roller. My kids were totally unimportant to him.
After 7 years of taking this, i left him. I hear that he is with another women and he is doing the same thing, she is about ready to hit the bricks.
He is becoming the problem in your relationship due to his over bearing connection to his kids.
Would he get angry with you if you took it on your own to contact them?
Maybe just to have conversation on the phone? Ya know like, hows the weather kind of thing?
Maybe if you felt a tiny bit closer to his kids, you may be able to connect better with him.
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Hi, confusedtoo. Just wondering what's happening with you now - how are things?
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WOW..i have te same problem. My fiance's wife died from MS. hE WAS GOING THREW A DIVORCE..hE HAS A 40 YEAR OLD AND A 25 YEAR OLD.   His son asked for his mothers insurance money..so my fiance gave it to them..Daughter went to Germany..son blew his share..Daughter dropped out of college..pulled the rest of her college money out cashed in her insurance policy parents took out for her..She is living on her own working at Traders Joes.               My fiance pays for her car insurance ..her AAA..LIFE INSURANCE..sHE CALLS HIM ALL THE TIME AND ASKS FOR THINGS  ..LIKE A new I phone...a APPLE COMPUTER...A NEW BED..A CARPET SHAMPOOER..NEW SNEAKERS..NEW BOOTS..CLOTHES..COATS..FOOD MONEY.. hair styling...AND WHAT EVER ELSE SHE CAN THINK OF.  hE IS ON A FIXED INCOME AND CHARGES ALOT OF HER THINGS SHE WANTS..I feel she is using his love for material things...and it causes alot of fighting between us..  I just dont like her..I think she is a big fat user..daughter or no daughter..he supported  and paid her way through college until she dropped out. wHAT DO YOU THINK?  He has a big insurance policy on his self ..going to them..They told him they was going to cremate him..too much expense and trouble to lay him out..He agreed with them...

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I do believe that his children do not want you in his life. Calling him on his cell, and mostly when he's at work. There is no line for you to cross. I've realized that my boyfriend of 8 years, with 3 adult children truly hate me. My interactions with them are very superficial. The 2 daughters who are 25 and 28, NEVER look me in the eye when they are speaking directly to me. I've tried to explain this to my dear, sweet man. He always gives them a way out. "They are shy, they feel insecure, they are threatened by you". After a long weekend at "his" beach house", I've finally realized that they will never love me or like me or even except me in their fathers life. I'm seriously looking for a way out of this relationship. I love him dearly, but I will not be called "tart", their mothers name for me or any other awful name that they want to throw around. My advice, if you want to hear it, is..... Get out and find someone else to love and someone who will love you. I would NEVER put myself in this situation again. I'm 50, not that old. I'm on my way out. Good luck to you!
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