Take it from someone who has been in it for 4 years. I've forgiven so much and each time we'd break up I'd be hopeful again after being convinced by my bi polar ex things would change. It's crazy because I go back now and read emails and they all tend to repeat themselves. The love, the high, then the start of coldness, critical mood of his, his depression, the always backing off eventually no matter how I'm there to let him know it's just the illness that's making him say he doesn't want or can't handle the relationship. That never works, we split from things he does or says to me in that state - then within 2 weeks or so of no contact (twice it included sleeping unprotected with 2 different girls)... then it's back to he can't live without me- he loves me, he treats me amazing ..a few months of bliss and then the cycle returns!! It's only been 2 days since I told him I'm out of his life. Been together 4 years and we break up every 2-3 months. He's on Kalonopin for anxiety and depression, Oxapazine for a mood stabilizer - does cocaine for recreation about 3 times a month, drinks up to 2 or 3 energy drinks a day, 2 or 3 12oz cokes a day and gives himself his own Testerone shots which he gets from a friend not from a doctor. He was doing well the last 2 months - he was finally put on a mood stabilizer, then got a pdoc.  He was loving, sweet, attentive again, not seeking other women, eased up on porn, wanted to do regular day activities like bowling, going for walks. Then 2 days before our first vacation in 4 years since we met, he gave himself a testosterone shot, couldn't get his mood stabilizer for almost a week for some reason (so he stopped taking them)- -and has been in a low depression for about 2 weeks.  Now even since he got his mood stabilizer again and he's taking it- he's still in depression - I guess because he stopped for just those 4 days it will take about 6 weeks to get stable again?? He's told me he'd stop the T shots after a few break ups ago, I think just to get me back.  But I'm so upset at him because now our dreams of the future are gone -AGAIN!! After saying he's so in love and we will have a future - now he doesn't want to be involved with me or any he says.  Why won't he stop drinking, the caffeine, the coke, the cocaine, the testosterone shots?? I've given him research that all these things don't mix well with his meds and that's why he keeps having the episodes! He also has a little girl he has to be a dad for. She stays with him a few days of the week. So I told him out of his life and blocked him from contacting me. I need to move on. I just miss the person he can be those months when he is stable- but it never lasts