Signs Of Pathological Lying

Pathological lying, whatever its cause, is still a little understood subject. Can a pathological liar change? What causes pathological lying? There are some pointers that may lead to a clearer understanding at some point. If you yourself believe you have a problem with habitual lying for no apparent reason, seeking therapy is certainly a good step. In this case, you can expect the diagnostic process to take quite a while — you've already admitted to compulsive lying, and your therapist wants to make sure you are not lying to them. The clearer you can be about the circumstances in which you tend to tell lies, the faster a treatment plan can be developed. 

Treatment may focus on an identified underlying cause of lying — such as a personality disorder, low self-esteem, or problems originating in childhood — or the lying may be treated as a stand-alone problem. Pathological lying can be an addiction, and treatment strategies that help people with other addictions that don't lead to physical dependence (like gambling, internet, eating or sex addictions) may benefit pathological liars too.

Spotting A Pathological Liar

What if you suspect someone you care about may be a pathological liar? Unless they are a close relative or someone else you can't avoid, steering clear of that person may be the safest strategy for you. How do you spot a pathological liar, though? It's not as hard as you may think. We're going to focus on spotting pathological lying in a partner or romantic interest, something that's a common scenario.

Avoiding Stability

People who constantly tell lies are quite likely to be caught out at some point. Pathological liars may not be able to hold onto a stable life both because they have to "move on" after being caught lying, and because they need to stay away from their original environment to facilitate lying. (For example, a pathological liar can hardly stay in the same job after their employer finds out that they didn't really have cancer, and Rachel Dolezal had to hide her white parents and even pretend a certain black man was her father to make her claim to being black believable.)

Attention Seeking

People who gravitate towards drama and are bored in its absence, tell tall tales to get attention or impress others or to get attention, and appear to display a constant need to be admired, pitied, or otherwise in the center of attention, are waving giant red flags. People engage in these behaviors for all kinds of reasons and they certainly don't all indicate pathological lying, but if your partner routinely relies on attention-seeking behaviors, something is certainly amiss.

Changes The Subject

What happens if you ask your partner probing questions about their past or something that seems off? Pathological liars don't want to be caught out in their lie, just like anyone else who has told a lie. As a result of this, you can expect them to change the subject when you approach them with uncomfortable questions, become extremely defensive, get angry, or tell yet another lie to cover the previous ones. Remember, pathological liars are going to want to prevent contact between you and people who know the truth (or are familiar with different lies) at all costs. 

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They Lie All The Time

Yes, Captain Obvious speaking. If you frequently notice that something about your partner's story doesn't add up, or you simply know they are lying because you have fact-checked or the lies they tell contradict each other, you know you are dealing with a liar. Keep in mind that people lie for all kinds of reasons that aren't pathological. Pathological liars tell lies routinely, out of habit, in a way that often causes them more harm than benefit. If you spot that happening — and you will, if you are around the person long enough and often enough — you know you have a pathological liar on your hands.