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So, i'm 20 years old, virgin, and I have a wonderful girlfriend for 3 months now. She's loving, beautiful and experienced (I'm not) and last night we were lying in bed and one thing led to another and we got naked and then suddenly... I couldn't get it up! Or i could if she intensely stimulated me, and I mean grab it quite rough, but it would go limp again if left untouched for half a minute. She already gave me handjobs before, and there were no problems then..
Things you gotta know are that:
1) i feel completely comfortable with her, really not stressed
2) i'm in medschool and currently have semestrial exams (that does cause stress ofcourse)
3) the shaft of my penis was feeling a but numb, i think because i jerk off twice a day lately (seemed natural to me, but i think it might have been a bit too much). Have not jerked off for 24 hours now and i'm starting to notice it getting more sensitive again. As a kid (16 yrs or so) I could easily get random rocksolid erections for like an hour, but i think i jerked off less then, and have now accustomed a bit too much to my own stimulation. I especially noticed it when she grabbed my scrotum or sucked on my earlobe (i love that), that that was actually more erousing for me than her touching my penis..
Me being a virgin and not being able to get it up in front of my experienced GF was quite embarrassing, though we were able to talk about it, but i couldn't point out what was causing it. Also i'm quite worried because of this desensitization thing, hope it goes away!! If someone could give me some reassuring advice, that would really ease my spirits..


PS: don't think that because i'm in medschool i'm able to solve my own medical problems :p it's a common misconception for people to think that from the moment you're in medschool, you suddenly already have as much knowledge as an experienced doctor, which is not the case.. :p


Hi medicc,

I think you know what's going on. Every guy occasionally has troubles getting it up. As you said, not being able to get it up was frustrating. You're worried about the feelings so you do have some stress and then add in the exams. It all adds up.

Now, were you thinking that this might just be your first time? Add that in and yes, major anxiety. As you said, she's experienced, you're not. You don't want to disappoint.

You won't. Just take your time and don't focus on the erection. There is much more to sex than the act itself. If you have trouble next time, do something else, cuddle. Make her happy and explore her. Then let her explore you. Don't focus on the act, enjoy each others company and let whatever happens, happen.

I know, easy for me to say right? Well, been there.

I really think it is just nerves. Don't focus on it next time. Discussing it with her was a very good thing and I'm sure she'll understand.

PS: I'd cut back a bit on the masturbation, for a while anyways, and see what happens. It can't hurt.



Thanks for your understanding response. Although I thought I felt completely relaxed, looking back on it, that might not have been the case.. I think now that I was very much focused on 'performing', or 'going to perform' anyway, and I just wasn't really enjoying what was going on. Somehow i wanted to 'make it happen' more than i just let it happen, and the time was probably just not right for it.
Oh yeah, and I decided to cut back a bit on masturbating, it can't hurt and will most likely get me more excited next time I see her (which is not much due to the exams).



i had a similar problem a few days ago, im only 14 and obviously a virgin, so i was feeling a bit stressed and decided to masturbate, like most i put on some porn and it shoots up like a bullet, but it just sagged, i had constantly rub it and stuff to get it going, and even then it just collapsed like an OAP witohut cruches (hehe random line i made up)

im guessing its just normal, although it may be slightly different to me and may have something to do with puberty where as you would ve most likely finished growing a few years ago