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Well, recently there have been several things in my life that i just don't know what to do with.

1. I'm in a long distance relationship, and have been for over a year now, and I truly love her. But the problem is that; it seems the absence of her is just killing me more than the overall positivity in the relationship.. But at the same time, I just don't want to split up with her..

2. I'm a bit of a loner, which makes me slightly depressed at times. And the friends that I do have, are some that i don't want to lose - at any cost. At the same time, I'd like to know more people, maybe even have more friends.

3. I have most of my life wanted to be a girl - I'm "in the closet" about that, though. I really want to come out, but (and this is where my maze starts) I don't know how people would take it. Now, being a loner already, it's probably not going to "help" in that department, what I am scared of, though is that maybe the few (3) friends that I do have, will also think less of me. Also, my mum is a Doctor, and she'll tell me "It's just a phase you're going through as a part of puberty, etc. etc." which may be true, i don't think so,though...

4. I have a bit of a crush on one of my friends, though, but she's already in a relationship too. A thing I don't want to spoil - They're a good couple. Also, see 1. also, the other of my friends is the sister of the before mentioned, which kinda would make it a bit awkward

so basically,

3 is a problem due to 2 (and 1, actually)
4 is a problem because of 2,1, 4.5 (and possibly 3, I don't know about that yet..)
and so on..
I'm really confused and my mind is just spinning.. I really need some ideas/comments/whatever on all of this...

It's probably even more complicated than this, but these are the points that my mind can grasp...



How old are you? Have you had other relationships? Was this a physical relationship? If so, was she your first?

You also indicate that you want to be a girl but that you like girls. What is it about wanting to be a girl that intrigues you?

I'm just trying to understand what you're feeling and looking/hoping for.


16(and my puberty started at around the age of 11, if that helps you any), no - always been extremely shy before, physical relationship??
I would also like to point out, that i have taken several trips to see her.

Clothing, make-up, the kind of relationship that seems to be between them - one that does not resemble apes, there are a bunch of things, but it's not too easy to actually explain. Just like it's hard to describe an emotion.

and yeah, it's understandable that you might want even more detail - It's not easy to understand others, no matter how detailed a description you get.

also, thanks for your reply!


Thanks for answering. My response depended a bit upon your age.

1. You're 16. It's great that you both have maintained this relationship. I'm not discounting that you love her but you need to understand that especially at your age, people change. Your relationship is going to change as well. You're going to meet a lot of other people in your lives and you may fall in love with them too. She may not feel the same as you do.

2. Get out and meet those other people. There is nothing wrong with having good friends. You don't have to change who you are to meet them, just get out. Find a common interest with others, it helps to build a relationship.

3. So you like women's clothing and make-up. You have options as a guy and make-up is becoming more accepted. Relationship like "apes?" I'm not sure what you mean by that but not all guys behave like apes. You can have a close relationship with a guy, I do, and I'm 45. I know my son does as well, he's 18. They're always out working on cars, into sports, or camping, and they can gossip with the best.

I think you're trying to find out who you are, and who to identify with. That's normal.


1. i know that people change, but that doesn't really change too many facts about my Opening Post. the fact still remains, that i have a relationship, but I feel conflicted, yet don't want to split up.

2. Trust me, i've been at this one before, and no matter what I do - it's just not gonna work. I've tried practically anything in my power, but I can't bring myself to initiate a conversation. I even went to this very forum about it, around a year ago. It's just not possible for me to overcome that last barrier.

3. Yeah, i know that, but those options are quite limited. I started wearing black nail polish not too long ago, and the results were not exactly positive, when it comes to my schoolmates' opinions. and that's just one slight thing.
The thing i mean about apes (might have been quite offensively said, and i apologize for that.) is that it seems as though the girls sit in a big group, talking. While the boys are trying to have some fight over being king of the tribe or something. I don't know..
But as i said before, and this is important, there are other things involved that I just can't explain.


You've tried, that's all anyone can ask. I know it sounds like I'm prying. I'm just trying to understand what you want.

You posted saying you wanted ideas/comments/whatever and I obliged. I'd be happy to discuss anything with you, that you feel comfortable discussing.

Post back if you'd like.


There's an awful lot on your plate right now.

You have concerns with your gf, with your friend's gf, your sexual identity, fitting in at school, relating to other boys, and your mom.

At age 16, it can seem overwhelming.

I hear two things loudly in your posts.
First, you're wearing black nail polish. On a guy, that's a real signal that you want to be perceived as "different". But what it means to your group or your peers, I can't say. Except that you're sending up a really really big flag for them to notice.

Second, you don't identify with "apes", or guys in general... however you want to describe that. You'd rather be "one of the girls". Got it.

I would urge you to lower your flags a bit, and not be so strident. You DON'T HAVE TO BE ONE OF THE GUYS. You're already different. There's no reason to go out of your way to advertise it. I think if you just be real to your friends, they are already going to know that you are different from "the pack" and will accept you for it.

About all the rest, give it time. There's still LOTS of time to experience life and decide what you like, dislike, are or are not. Relax.


I'm really sorry if I came off as angry in any way, just before, that was not my intention at all! :$

I always post back (although I will head to bed after this post)

well, what i have now realized myself, is that the big overall topic of this whole "maze" is social acceptance. Something I've tried to achieve before, although with no luck.

the problems i have are these:

First off, the town i live in has a population of about 10.000, so it's not that darn big - meaning that most people know me to some degree. Problem is, that the person they know is not someone you'd want to hang out with, as they only know the first impression of me, which is an isolated prick, basically. But my past and present selves are pretty much the exact opposite of each other.

Second off, I just can't be an initiator. I guess it's an old barrier, that for some reason still functions.
Basically, I have the feeling that; unless I'm 100% sure something is okay, I'll need the other person to initiate.
example: I see someone that I'd like to talk to, but unless i KNOW that the person doesn't mind that I talk to them, I just can't bring myself to do so. So basically if I want to talk to that person, but I don't absolutely know as a fact, that they want to talk to me, I'll need the other person to start the conversation.
You can probably imagine that this can be quite the burden at times.


I didn't detect any anger, no worries here.

Social acceptance can be very difficult, especially as you say if they think of you as a "prick." It is hard to overcome barriers but it can be done, even in a small town. Like Kevin said, you have lots of time.

There are always going to be people that you have nothing in common with or don't want to hang out with. That's OK. Tolerance is also something we all need to do. It works both ways.

It can be hard to take a risk, to start a conversation, to start new friendships. Part of it is that we ourselves may be afraid of getting hurt. It takes a lot to put yourself out there, to take a chance, and maybe get shot down.

Get some sleep.



yeah, I know that all of this is true and possible. Problem is that I have no idea how I can approach it.
any ideas?


Yes, it is quite overwhelming, that's true..
So you're telling me to lower my flags, yet I don't feel as though I have any up.
Also, the bits about wanting to be a part of different groups is - as mentioned a few times above - only a small part of it. There are more things involved than that.


The only thing I could suggest would be to just take it one step at a time. Let yourself be seen, even if you don't speak up, let people see you. Sooner or later someone should invite you into their "group." Hang out where people congregate, do your thing there.

Can you join any groups at school, if not sports, then hobbies or something? Maybe drama? School newspaper, anything? Get out and be seen. Meet people, get involved.

I'm not saying to change who you are but to let others see who you are. Acceptance just doesn't happen immediately, it can take time.

Hope it helps.


hmm, there aren't any clubs or the like at my school - there are some out of school, but soccer nor Handball really interests me.
do you have any other tips as to how i can "be seen" easier? because the plan is sound, but as socially awkward as I am - I simply have no clue as to how I should go about it.

Again, Thanks for all the help you guys are trying to give - it means a lot :$


How about volunteering for some activity, or a part time job? Both of these will get you out and seen.


I do have a part time job, but it's not a job in which i have any co-workers; what i do is buy food and stuff for my mum's clinic (they're 5 doctors in total)
and I don't think there are any volunteer arrangements nearby. :/


That's good, but it isn't getting you seen. Lets think about it a bit.