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I'm a 24-year-old female.  I have only been actively trying to conceive for the past three years, but we have been unsafe periodically in the past.  I need no lectures about this, but, it has happened.

I stopped taking birth control when I was 18.  I was not trying to conceive at 18 and took preventative measures, like condoms and spermicidal lubricants.  I have been with the same man for 7 years.  We are not married.  He is very focused on the married life and children but I feel like I cannot provide.  I have finally, after three years, made an appointment with my OB-GYN to discuss this, but I would like to hear some feedback from some others trying to conceive, first, as I am very nervous that I am going to hear that I cannot conceive.

At around 21, close to my graduating year of college, we stopped using protection.  I have not used a pill for birth control since I was 18, as I said.  I have very irregular periods.  For the past year, my period has been: two months on, a regular five days approximately, beginning around the 14/15, and then three months off.  My period has never been regular, except for when I was on the birth control.  Even then, it cycled:  the first four months it was almost dead-on the second day of the placebos, then every month it became one day later until the month that I didn't have it, and then it would begin the same cycle again.

We have sex 1+ times a day, or, on slower weeks, 2-3 times per week.  For seven years.  Sometimes we fight, mostly about our inability to get pregnant, and skip a week.  Or two.

My mother did no drugs, but, my father did drugs during my conception - coke - that I have learned recently may make your offspring infertile.  His parents have done no drugs.

I have heard, also, that an unhealthy lifestyle, weight, and stress can affect your ability to become pregnant.  Neither of us are overweight by a significant amount, though we are not slim.  I have been hitting the gym regularly in the past few months to try to make my body more receptive to a fetus.  We have both changed our diets to a more organic, hormone-free, lesser fat, more home-healthy diet.

We both drink, excessively.

We both have histories of drug use.  Both more opiate-based.  His was severe, mine in passing.  We have both, other than opiates, consumed acid and crank 1+ times apiece.

I have heard also, that stress can affect your ability to get pregnant.  While in school, this was understandable.  Now, we both have sufficient jobs and a house together.

I'm dying for a baby.  All he has ever truly wanted out of his life is offspring.  Seven years later, he is telling me that if we can't conceive in the next two years, he is leaving me.

We have a healthy relationship.  This inability to conceive is the only breaking point.  I am helpless with what else to do.  I take vitamins but nothing serious:  folic acid and a Women's 1-a-Day.

Any suggestions, things I haven't thought of yet, or questions to ask my OB-GYN?


There can be many factors that can affect a woman's ability to conceive. Hormones, environment, etc. Only your doctor can test for and rule out possible causes. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 5 years with no luck. (I'm 30 and have never been pregnant). Doctors are calling it "unexplained infertility". Try to understand that you don't have control of nature. Stressing about it will only compound your inability to get pregnant. The idea that your partner is threatening to leave you if you can't produce a child is sickening to me. You have no control over your reproductive system and are actively taking steps to maintain a healthy body. Perhaps his drug use has clouded his judgement but rest assured that there are men out there that will love and support you for who you are, not for what your uterus can produce for them. My advice- seek a medical professional you trust to help you find some answers, and show your boyfriend the door. You are a woman who deserves respect and understanding and you are worth more than what he is giving you. Do some serious soul searching and think about whether or not this is someone that you want as the father of your children.