This is my first time on this site, and I have to admit I'm very nervous. I've been reading some older posts regarding methadone, and need some advice.
I've been taking 1 to 1 1/2 of a 10 mg methadone pill each day...half in the morning, half or whole mid afternoon, for the energy it gives me. I love it. My husband doesn't know and I get them from a less-than-desirable guy that lives in a trailer behind my home. He gets huge bottles every month by prescription from the VA, and he sells me 3/$10. I'm a mom of 3 kids, I have child care jobs...the methadone doesn't affect my life negatively at all, except for the dishonesty in my otherwise excellent marriage. I've tried to quit, but feel like I'm jumping out of my skin. I get flu like symptoms, can't sleep, diarrhea....all the symptoms I've read here. I guess I'm addicted, even though it doesn't feel like that much.
I don't want this to have a hold on me, and the guilt is horrible. My husband is such a hard working, decent man and I'm tired of hiding my failure and guilt. I really don't know why I started this, except maybe out of boredom? Is that horrible? I used to party on weekends before I had my children....cocaine on weekends. Haven't done that in 10 years, but I think it kind of gives me a little tingle of excitement, like I'm "doing something bad" again.
Does anyone know a safe way for me to get these out of my life? I don't want to tell my husband, or my doctor...I just want to go through it, and get back to a clean, pill-free life that I can enjoy without this hanging over me all the time.
Thanks for any help anyone offers. I have alot of respect for those that have had the strength to detox from any addiction. It scares the hell out of me.
I've been taking 1 to 1 1/2 of a 10 mg methadone pill each day...half in the morning, half or whole mid afternoon, for the energy it gives me. I love it. My husband doesn't know and I get them from a less-than-desirable guy that lives in a trailer behind my home. He gets huge bottles every month by prescription from the VA, and he sells me 3/$10. I'm a mom of 3 kids, I have child care jobs...the methadone doesn't affect my life negatively at all, except for the dishonesty in my otherwise excellent marriage. I've tried to quit, but feel like I'm jumping out of my skin. I get flu like symptoms, can't sleep, diarrhea....all the symptoms I've read here. I guess I'm addicted, even though it doesn't feel like that much.
I don't want this to have a hold on me, and the guilt is horrible. My husband is such a hard working, decent man and I'm tired of hiding my failure and guilt. I really don't know why I started this, except maybe out of boredom? Is that horrible? I used to party on weekends before I had my children....cocaine on weekends. Haven't done that in 10 years, but I think it kind of gives me a little tingle of excitement, like I'm "doing something bad" again.
Does anyone know a safe way for me to get these out of my life? I don't want to tell my husband, or my doctor...I just want to go through it, and get back to a clean, pill-free life that I can enjoy without this hanging over me all the time.
Thanks for any help anyone offers. I have alot of respect for those that have had the strength to detox from any addiction. It scares the hell out of me.
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id talk your doc if he is prescribing it to you-or get a therapist thats specialized in addiction and recovery so that you have a person right there while youre stopping this. i think if you reduce the mg throughout the weeks, it can help you start the jump off-does that make sense? i was on subox, and reducded the mg per week until i was .25 and then i stopped. youre always going to feel withdrawals, but they arent bad..but everyone is different. id have multivitamin and st johns wort handy. good luck!
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