I am a male in my 50s and have been confused about my sexuality since my earlier teens. Now married with young kids, I still do not understand my sexuality. Ever since a young teen I have masturbated regularly. The main turn on for me is rubbing my own nipples at the same time I masturbate or have sex so even when I have sex with my wife I always want to touch my nipples at the same time. I mostly have female fantasies when having sex, but have some male fantasies sometimes. I also have a very sensitive anus and sometimes fantasize about being entered by men. I have had experiences where woman have both touched my nipples and given me anal stimulation and it has been a great turn on to me. I like the fantasy of "bad girls". Just to complicate matters further I am really attracted to lady boys pre-operation. So from all of this I have figured out that I have some gay tendencies. I have experimented with men but every time when it comes down to the actual act of being with a man I find it unattractive, it seems the fantasy is more interesting than the actual act of being with a man. I find I do not want it and definitely find the female body form more attractive than the male. Recently I was with a lady boy and he/she used a dildo with me and I got really aroused. I have very low testosterone below normal levels. In the end I am attracted to female body but get aroused by gay fantasies, nipple touching and anal stimulation. I am so confused and find it difficult to discuss any of this with my wife. I feel I am going to die one day without really understanding myself, all of this has led me to suffer from anxiety attacks and depression. I have difficulty making and keeping friends. Anyone have any insights? I know there are no easy answers but perhaps someone out there has experienced what I have. It is easy to say that everyone knows deep inside what their sexuality is, but for me there are so many bits and pieces that do not fit together and I feel like a freak.
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Not meaning to offened you in any way, but you are only "gay" if you tell yourself that you are. There is really no such thing as "gay". My opinion is that is just an excuse to make your insecurity problems "ok". If someone like a guy for example is more "girly" then they should marry a women that's more "manly" and it will work... but going off and doing it with other guys just because you have your issues is not ok with me. So... to me no.. no you are not gay. I am not being prejudice to any gays though :). Remember "Adam and Eve" Not "Adam and Steve" LOL. Just saw this thread and though maybe I could speak my words of wisdom haha.
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Rebecca is completely wrong. This is not a religious question, or a question about what is okay with Rebecca, it is a preference question.
To answer you Joe, I do not know if you are gay, but in my own experience I would probably guess you are bisexual, or have physical attraction to both sexes. Like many other things in life, there is usually not a 50-50 split between attraction levels to either sex, it is more of a spectrum, and individuals fall in between somewhere in between (from completely homosexual to completely heterosexual). I personally have a strong attraction to males, but my boyfriend has had some attraction to males too. He is bisexual, and also wholeheartedly committed and puts me before anyone else. When I first found out I was hysterical and upset, because he lied to me when I had asked him about the subject prior. But I was mostly worried and insecure that I would not be enough to satisfy him to the fullest. In his own words: "think of it like this, I am capable of being attracted to anyone, and I chose you, over everyone and I'm sharing with you my most intimate thoughts and feelings, I love you." That's all he had to say for me to gain clear understanding. Anyways, apart from the side story, I would say you are well on your way to figuring yourself out. Part of understanding yourself is realizing what YOU like and do not like. From your description, I think you are sharing your deepest and most personal thoughts and feelings, which many people never realize, so I would say you are ahead of the game in understanding yourself.
~ A friend
To answer you Joe, I do not know if you are gay, but in my own experience I would probably guess you are bisexual, or have physical attraction to both sexes. Like many other things in life, there is usually not a 50-50 split between attraction levels to either sex, it is more of a spectrum, and individuals fall in between somewhere in between (from completely homosexual to completely heterosexual). I personally have a strong attraction to males, but my boyfriend has had some attraction to males too. He is bisexual, and also wholeheartedly committed and puts me before anyone else. When I first found out I was hysterical and upset, because he lied to me when I had asked him about the subject prior. But I was mostly worried and insecure that I would not be enough to satisfy him to the fullest. In his own words: "think of it like this, I am capable of being attracted to anyone, and I chose you, over everyone and I'm sharing with you my most intimate thoughts and feelings, I love you." That's all he had to say for me to gain clear understanding. Anyways, apart from the side story, I would say you are well on your way to figuring yourself out. Part of understanding yourself is realizing what YOU like and do not like. From your description, I think you are sharing your deepest and most personal thoughts and feelings, which many people never realize, so I would say you are ahead of the game in understanding yourself.
~ A friend
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engineer717, reading your reply was so helpful to me and encouraging. I really appreciate that you took the time to reply. Unfortunately my wife is from a very conservative background and so it is difficult to communicate about these things with her. I find women attractive but get aroused by physical things normally more associated with gays and as you say in the end I am probably somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. I do not really mind being bisexual (or gay) I kind of just wish I would have sorted all this out when I was a teenager and then lived my life with full on awareness accordingly. I hope all the kids reading this realize that they should embrace who they are early on and enjoy being themselves to the fullest. Don't let your parents or society dictate anything to you as to who you are. Anyway, life is a journey. Your husband is very lucky to have someone like you who can empathize with him and share his true self. Thanks again.
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Rebecca95, thanks for your reply. I feel like it is not that simple, but appreciate the time you took to help. All the best.
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im close to your age but ive known i am bi since i was 8years old but i like you have never gone as far as having sex with a guy sex as in anal sex i have had other experiances though i have two ex wives and four kids but i still would like to have sex with a man but like you i could not do that i have had the chance a couple of times but never took them up as i get a blockage that says no its not for you so like you i think i also will die never knowing realy if im a real gay guy or just bi
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Pansexual. You like men, women, tansvestites, and possibly have other fetishes.(:
-bi guy
-bi guy
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Pardon me, and meaning no disrespect to you... but you are an id**t and totally ignorant of the reality of sexual orientation and its diversity. Sexual orientation is set prenatally. I have never been insecure around women, and have never had a desire to be with one. God did create Adam and Eve, and He also created Adam and Steve....please do not talk about things you do not understand. I have been a therapist for many years and have seen many many men and women whose primary sexual orientation is homosexual. Please do not dismiss gay persons as merely insecure when their sexual orientations are legitimate.
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Bud, in my oppinnion, You are just "bi-sexual". There are many male voices in this world who prefer females over males, but still enjoy the thought of a male fantasy. I have many close friends who prefer females over males but still are aroused by males. This just means, you have different tastes. I cannot say i understand your frustration with this, but i can tell you that it is nothing to be worried or stressed, confused or any of the sort. You are who you are, if others do not accept it? Then that shows where they need to be in your life. Im sure your wife will and can understand. Talk to her about this, after all yall are married and have a close bond. Keeping your head up is important, cause you wont be able to see how to get through this if you dont. Know that there are others with this same problem, Many others are confused about their sexuality and decide to keep it concealed. Express your self and show the world who you are.
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I don't think you are necessarily gay at all-only the female body attracts you visually which is unlikely if you were also interested in guys.Fantasies often have no relation to reality-for instance I fantasize about being with prostitutes sometimes but I have been approached by attractive prostitutes quite a few times and I never felt the least bit interested.Ive also fantasized about very strong minded almost aggressive women but in reality when such women flirted with me I was not the least interested.Ýour fantasy is more likely a psychological desire to be dominated by someone at times as in how men dominate physically(hence the anal penetration desire or fantasy)-some men and women like to be penetrated anally,often with the female enjoying to do it to the man,which is just a fantasy to dominate him.I hope this helps.
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Hello Friend
Have researched in the subject of human psychology for over 2 decades and w.r.t your situation, the answer lies in the understanding of human evolution.
Human beings live in various realms simultaneously; preservation, pleasure, occupation, relationship, expression, knowledge, realization and spiritual.
Just like a flower evolves from the seed to its fully manifested form, so does human being. The difference is that flowers have been around for millions of years before us. Therefore their fully manifested state in each instance appears clearly defined. We are in the infant stage of manifestation. As we have also been gifted with the ability to observe and analyse our own behaviour, we are presently reflecting transient behaviour in all aspects of manifestation.
What you are reflecting is the truth of the present moment in the aspect of preservation, relationship and pleasure which is manifested as transient sexual, sensual and relationship behaviour.
This happens with every species and we are no different. As time goes by, each generation will be more clearly defined in each aspect.
The important thing is to embrace ourselves completely and be in harmony with the truth. Be blissful in that embrace. Be total in that embrace. You are complete in how you are right now.
Have researched in the subject of human psychology for over 2 decades and w.r.t your situation, the answer lies in the understanding of human evolution.
Human beings live in various realms simultaneously; preservation, pleasure, occupation, relationship, expression, knowledge, realization and spiritual.
Just like a flower evolves from the seed to its fully manifested form, so does human being. The difference is that flowers have been around for millions of years before us. Therefore their fully manifested state in each instance appears clearly defined. We are in the infant stage of manifestation. As we have also been gifted with the ability to observe and analyse our own behaviour, we are presently reflecting transient behaviour in all aspects of manifestation.
What you are reflecting is the truth of the present moment in the aspect of preservation, relationship and pleasure which is manifested as transient sexual, sensual and relationship behaviour.
This happens with every species and we are no different. As time goes by, each generation will be more clearly defined in each aspect.
The important thing is to embrace ourselves completely and be in harmony with the truth. Be blissful in that embrace. Be total in that embrace. You are complete in how you are right now.
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