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I'm 17 years old and was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder
last year when I was 16. I want to know what it's like, as a personal
experience, for other with this. I have friends, family, and a boyfriend
who all love me, but sometimes I just really want to be able to relate
to someone with all of this, you know?

Thank you ever so much.

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Hello! I'm 16 and i'm diagnosed with it too.
It's very hard at times, and I have problems with my lack of emotion and I get angry very easily. I like starting arguments with close people, especially my boyfriend or my parents even though it upsets me everytime and in the end, I don't know why I did it. It's like an impulse to get a reaction from somebody from how I feel.
My self image is always progressing. I remember being really unhappy with myself so I changed the way I looked and acted in a way... but still, 4 years later, i'm not happy (but if a little more confident). I find it hard to recieve compliments and take them well.
When I was younger, I had a slight eating problem where I just never loved eating and didn't see the point. I'd only eat enough to survive and I wouldnt enjoy my food at all. Last year after my ex broke up with me, I went on a drinking binge for a few months which really damaged me. And I became alot angry, to the point where I was making death threats at girls who just batted an eyelid at him. I also smashed a few objects out of sheer frustration, including my tv. What a bummer. Though, he hurt me real bad (he cheated on me) and I wasnt prepared, no matter how much I loved him, too put up with that. It made me feel like I wasnt good enough for anybody and I hated myself.
I get paranoid alot and people can't understand why i'm being so sensitive over one subject. Especially abandonment.
I can be a bit promiscious at times too, not in a slaggish way... like I get all the boys but if I want it, I can get it.
As far as suicidal and self harm goes, i've only self harmed a few times and that was to kind of 'teach myself' not to do a certain thing again. It wasnt anything deep but it stayed there for a while, even as a mark. I've wanted to kill myself a fair few times but after my family history of suicide, I'm not selfish enough to do that to my parents. And I feel that if I leave it, the feelings of emptiness and dispair go away or neutralise.
At times I do sympathise for people around me who have to deal with me day to day with it but they need to understand that I need help and it won't just 'go away'.

What about you?
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I was diagnosed with BPD not too long ago.it was not a big shock to me
when I was about 12/13(16 now) I started having most of my problems like self harm and emotional breakdowns.
When I was really young I threw temper tantrums like a devil child and I pulled my hair out a lot and didn't talk to anyone my age
I went through a point where I had to be hospitalized twice to try and stop from killing myself
my parents don't deal with it too well and a lot of people hate me for my anger problems
it's very hard to deal with but I'm getting help now that they figured out what's wrong with me.forgot to add that I cry about almost everything..
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Wow! You're all so young. I have a 66 year old parent with BPD. Borderline personality people are usually very emotionally reactive, have impulse control problems & extreme difficulty with responsibility & relating with other people. They can be very violent (Jekyll & Hyde types)-extreme mood fluctuations/swings. Some are chaste (abstinent or very sexually reserved) others are sexually promiscuous (sex addiction). BPD's are the hardest to deal with and as all disorders there can be concurrent psychiatric problems such as OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). BPD's can be inherently selfish & immature. They don't see beyond self-preservation. It's extremely difficult growing up with these people or being married to one because it's nearly doomed to violence, & dissolution.

I know that the moodiness, reactivity & outward aggression/escalation of violence is a security concern. It's hard to get treatment, as it has to be voluntary & they are stubborn, refuse to acknowledge a problem/invested in personal rights & priniciples/project blame onto others, thereby further disacknowledging a problem. I believe my mom should never have had children (though I'm an only child) as BPD's cannot effectively parent/deal with the compounding stressors/responsibilities of parenthood/family. I've not heard of a successful BPD marriage (I was married to one). They can be brutally violent, deviant, aberrant in their behaviour/warped & distorted pattern thinking/behaviours. Unknowingly being married to a man with a psychiatric history & the ensuing problems post-baby & family built to an escalation of violence in which he'd threatened to kill me multiple times; repeat police involvement, child protection involvement & the complete devastation/destruction of my life & permanent loss of all my children.

The continuing saga of co-dependency (poverty) & minimalist relations with my mom (who contributed to the marital turmoil via incessant interference, manipulation & control) means micromanaging the chaotic personality anomalies. It's nearly insane what can happen...years ago the compounding stressors of refereeing my mom & my spouse (at each other & me) trying to manage child raising, police involvement, constant conflict etc.; I ruptured 2 vessels in my eye from the strain (my blood felt like it was boiling from internalized rage at the two). I had a total emotional collapse, at one point, which precipitated the loss of my children & personal ruin. Neither will acknowledge or accept any responsibility for contributing to the devastation. They continue to focus their hostilities & project blame onto myself. They can be nearly socio-pathic in the lack of empathy or realization of acts of purposeful cruelty/emotional and/or physical abuse. The different dynamics of the intimate personal relationships with BPD's can be astronomical. For me, with my BPD parent; the majority of conflict is because she refuses to accept me for who I am, though she's minimized the behaviour, she remains inflexible in her guilting-that I am her daughter therefore I have duty/obligation to her for all she's done for me-financially & supportively;as an adult individual & during the marital crises...including being a grandparent to my children. She often still attempts manipulation & control of my personal time/interests because as her biological child she tries to take ownership of me.

You have to become masterful at the finer points of conflict resolution, as principles of setting boundaries & having those limitations/boundaries respected in not in their cognitive capacities;but BPD's are definitely adept of "I can do whatever I want to you, but don't you dare do it to me or I'll meltdown into hysteria & beat your ass BLUE!". Sometimes I wish I could carry tranquilizer darts when my mom gets going at me. There's also the need to micromanage your own emotions against theirs;to RECOGNIZE THEIR TRIGGERS & AVOID THEM AT ALL COSTS NO MATTER THE sacrifice of personal gain.

It's a constant struggle against the morphing & changing personality traits-though many are consistent, with aging & lifestyle changes new manifestations of the BPD may reveal (I call this "flip flopping"...today there's this trigger, next week it's something new; maddening to contend with, cause you sort of have to guess what it is-I've developed a good intuitive instinct & I'm generally right on target). Interestingly I find speaking to a BPD & treating them like a misbehaving/inappropriate child has shown me much success/positive result (but not guaranteed-there's been times of failure...I literally have to unplug my phone or she'll call 10-20 times ranting, cussing & swearing etc.). There's just so many variables. But I've got great instinct for it now...I recognize triggers; she doesn't/can't manipulate me anymore (not gullible)-she's not guilted me in years (pretty well lost that tool-doesn't work); she still overcompensates,tries to perfect & incessantly criticizes/chastises almost daily;her favourite is to pick at my weight then sabotage me by gifting 6 boxes of chocolates at C'mas.

BPD's can have concurrent issues/problems. It's trying to find a level, not being afraid to "unplug" or not answer the door (even if you can hear them swearing & freaking out on the other side);not succumbing to their "tricks & ploys". Asserting your independence, boundaries, & keeping a positive, compassionate outlook.
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