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Hi there, I am a guy who is 32 years old. My sister has a problem. That problem is borderline personality disorder. I don't have a clue about this condition and because of that I really need your answers about it. Can it be treated and that kind of stuff? Everything you know will do, but it would be nice if I hear from you fast.


Hi there, I will do my best to help you out. This is a condition where a person has "black and white" thinking. There is no middle for those persons. Self cutting is pretty common for this condition. Suicide rate is around 10 percent. There are many types of therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy is most used type of therapy. Group therapy may help also. Antidepressants and antipsychotics are medicines which are used. There is also family therapy and Dialectical behavioral therapy. I can't remember if there are more but I am pretty sure that this is not all.


People with BPD are sometimes described and being predictably unpredictable and consistently inconsistent.

Boundaries MUST be establised with your sister. The boundaries must be fair, clear and understood by her. YOU must be firm and consistent in your response to her breaking boundaries. If for example you tell her "you can't call me after 10PM, and even if you are in crises you still cannot call me, call the crises hotline not me" and then should she call you after 10PM you must follow through with whatever the rules were to begin with should she break boundaries such as she cannot call you at all for one week or whatever you told her.

Manipulation is the backbone of getting needs met for many with BPD. Boundaries must be set and enforced. You are helping her to learn.

Each person with BPD is very different. It's kinda hard to tell you much without knowing both you and your sister.

Time also helps but this doesn't do anyone anygood right now.

Don't set yourself up as being your sister's keeper. If she is an adult then you are not her caretaker or parent. You are her adult brother and keep it that way as you will both be better off and mentally healthier.

DBT is helpful as well as CBT. Most therapists do a combination of CBT-DBT. These therapies teach real life thinking skills and real life coping skills.

Your sister needs to learn and needs to have clear and consistent boundaries with everyone in her life.

You can help by setting boundaries and the consequences for breaking them with her.

Be kind be fair but don't ever give in to her.

Most people with BPD can create a crises in under ten seconds and suck in anyone they can.

Be a good brother, be helpful but don't get sucked into her drama.

Good Luck


As a person with BPD i would suggest that you try to be very open with her and make sure that any co-dependent behavior is not rewarded. make sure that she knows she is loved, but dont be manipulated by her. also, it is hard for many people with BPD to distinguish their feelings from the intentions and feelings of others. sometimes just the wrong look from someone can set off a flood of emotions: insecurity, self doubt, anger, resentment, betrayl...the base of it is feelings of unworthiness and detachment from certain social behavior. it causes anxiety, paranoia, and depression. keep that in mind when youre interacting with her. example: she looks at you and reads into your facial expression (it may have nothing to do with her). She reacts angrily or later seems hurt and nervous. This does not mean you should be hyper sensitive to her feelings, but it may help you to understand her condition and where she is coming from.


Brian1234 - i find your understanding of borderline personaluity disorder completely false and misleading.

"Manipulation is the backbone of getting needs met for many with BPD. Boundaries must be set and enforced. You are helping her to learn. "

i find your answer both deterimental to rogers question and an insult to my pain and struggle.

"Most people with BPD can create a crises in under ten seconds and suck in anyone they can. "

They do not 'create' crises, and their emotions aren't intended to suck people in, the bpd sufferer is in immense emotional pain and this outlook further puts more responsibility and blame on the sufferer. BPD is completely different than other personality disorders.

Your lack of information, empathy and understanding in the disorder is clearly displayed in your answer.
The sufferer needs support and love, not distance and boundaries, this will inflict more pain and perhaps cause self harm

How do i know?
I am a sufferer.


"i am a sufferer"... "Guest"...that goes without saying. Case in point: You have made Brian1234 the "the bad guy," and yourself the martyr. While I can certainly empathize with your struggle, Brian1234 was completely accurate in his statements. I am a Mental Health professional who has extensive experience with this population. They are THE most challenging group to work with. Essentially, the constant manipulation and splitting compounded by the inherent inability for insight, emotional control or personal responsiblity renders this group unable to see any progress in life functioning without firm boundaries. Love and support are required as well but love and support without firm boundaries teaches nothing but acceptance of ill-functioning behaviors. Additionally, it will cause "rogers" and any family or friends trying to help the patient to soon become burned out by the pain inflicted by them.

Additionally, "self-harm," is caused by the "self". Again, your lack of insight into your own disorder becomes apparent by your statement that somehow enforcing boundaries would be the cause for a client to hurt themselves. You have ignored personal responsibility. I would suggest further counseling so you have a better understanding of your own disorder. This is not a personal idictment of you but an observation. I wish you a healthy future.


Personality Disorders
Personality is a set of traits and characteristics that defines the behavior, thoughts, and emotions of a human being.
These traits are not as simple as we think. These are defined by society, religion, sex, culture, child upbringing and development, and genetics. A personality disorder is present when these traits and characteristics are inflexible and maladaptive, causing either impairment in social or occupational functioning.
Overall, there are 3 groups of personality clusters: Cluster A, Cluster B, and C. Cluster A: These people are odd and eccentric. Examples are paranoid, schizoid, and schizotypal personalities. Cluster B: These people are dramatic, emotional, and erratic. Examples are histrionic, narcissistic, antisocial, and borderline personalities. Cluster C: These people are anxious and fearful. These include avoidant, dependent, compulsive, and passive-aggressive personalities.


Reply to "Guest" - the mental health professional. I think your message is quite rude and arrogant. You do not sound like a nice person. I am also a BPD sufferer and unless you suffer from it yourself, you cannot understand what it FEELS like - even if, like you, you are working with BPD sufferers every day and think you know it all.


@Claire   Your post got me to sign up just to offer a thought in response. You highlight the emotion instead of the words. In essence, you are just like 'guest,' sharing a core element of BPD. That you zero in on the superficial instead of the intended meaning. Thus, mutating the intended message with totally unrelated issue (Facts vs. emotional perception).  You have made the mental health professional to be the 'bad' guy. In truth, the individual was stating truths.  Fact: BPD-ers are hard to work with. Fact: BPD-ers cannot understand how others see them. Fact: BPD-ers can and will manipulate you either directly or indirectly to serve their ever-shifting ends.  Fact: A BPD to get better really has to work very hard. Many don't put in that effort, instead sticking with "what works." So sadly, recovery rates are low.

You lack any acceptance of how a third party observer and mental health professional sees a BPD person or understanding how the condition affects others. This, to me cements that you carry the condition as well. This isn't about emotion, its about facts. Your road to recovery will be enhanced by understanding how others see you.

I had a relationship with someone like you. I know the pattern. It always went: discussion, missing of the intended communication due to focusing on the emotional rather than the spoken message, frustration then it would turn into a fight.  I don't fault BPD sufferers for doing this with malice. The BPD brain due to past events cannot perceive communications in the manner intended. Instead, the BPD reacts to vocal inflection, choice of words or facial expressions. There may be a impulsive reaction that has no basis in thought. It just comes from nowhere and can't be controlled.

The BPD even on a rudimentary level is difficult to communicate with because of this for the non-BPD.

So Claire, while I am sympathetic to your suffering. I also expect you to see how the rest of the world, and especially professionals view BPD. Being a 'victim' will only continue what is. The first step to recovery is acceptance and understanding your condition. I would kindly suggest you take that path.




Bravo Stepahine.

A few weeks ago i came to the relisation something was up, and having had worked on myself for over six years to be the person I am today I am in my late thirties. I realised I do not like this kind of behavior in my life. It wasn't untill I asked my sister not to engage conversation with me unless there was one positve thing she could say, (instead of the constant whining), I asked her and "what are you going to do about it", not in an attacking way or sarcastic way but truly putting owner ship on herself to do something about her whoas.It escalated  to the point of things she said to me were un thinkable. ( mind you this was thorough txt and I did not respond to any of it) I went back to my "life coach" and have been working through the guilt of letting go and that its ok not to put up with this persons behavior anymore even if she is my sister, this is something I have to work with now keeping on with the personal boundaries, being honest even if i know I will be ridiculed for it. I am also aware that she may never come to relise that anything is wrong with her and this may continue for all her adult life, I am prepared to do my bit, to let her know in a calm and honest  way that she can not treat me this way and if she feels that having me not in her life is the easier option than so be it. my door will always be open if the day she comes and genuinely seeks help for her inner self.

PS my sister has not been diagnosed and if she had she hasn't told any of us her family, the last Mental Health Worker she saw she told me " I didn't like her"

This condtion is really heart breaking and sad