hi,
i started taking cocaine about six month's ago and it's come to the point were i don't want to live any more,this is not a cry for help ive wrote all my letter's ,and dying seem the only option
i was a drug user about seven year's ago i was addicted to herion and crack for about 10 year's seven years ago i kicked the drug's and was clean for seven year's.
i did all sorts in that seven year's clean and the one thing i wanted most was a family of my own,well im married now to a wonderful lady and we have two adopted kid's with special need's she has all so got grown up son's and daughter's, i went to college and was a recovery champion for my local drug agency all so doing talk's in school's that gave me great pleasure to try and stop this misery before it start's thing's couldn't have been better.
about six month's ago i was going on a stag night with lot's of lad's that take drug's so in my wisdom i thought i would get some coke one gram wont hurt i said to my self i suspose looking back i wanted to fit in this was the wife's family, i took it enjoyed it and thought that would be that but the way my addictive mind works i knew me and mr coke would meet again i started taking it few day's a week at first but it wasn't a little 3 to 6 gram's a day to start nobody noticed and my greed was getting more and more i started borrowing money of my uncle i used to tell him all sort's of stories for the money by then i was using everyday up to 10 grams a day my wife thought i was having a affair it come to a head and i told her everything,she was shocked angry and all sort's of other stuff you see my wife has never touched drug's in her life she didn't understand but forgave me.
the next day i was back on it after promising her that i wouldn't do it again well this is the forth time now were she has had to break herself because i owed money to the drug dealer,
last time she found out i owed 1200 pound but this time was diffrent i had broke her mentally and pyscally and she said if i did it again our marriege would be over ,if she comes everywhere with me to stop me this time i can see the damage i have done my wife's not well and waiting to go for a test on her heart she also said i would never see the kid's again she can not take anymore,
well it's started again this dealer gives me tick im in utter despair i dont want hurt her anymore she just want's the man she married back and so do i im a mess inside and have know clue were this come from after i stopped last time i would have bet a million pound that i would never go back to drug's that's why i dont know were this come from it.s very sad and i hate myself of what ive done and i just want to smash my car into a tree and i know this is selfish but i am a selfish person how can i put drug's before my family i cant love them has much has i though or this wouldn't be happening my head totally gone and the only option that i can see is the easy one, i take full resposabilty for my action's ive got know one to blame only me i had a choice and ive chose to do this i just cant stop.
dave
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Dave, You went through this before and you know the drill. So what. You screwed up again and now you are going to go back and fix it. Call a hotline and get help. Go to a centre. Do what you have to do. Don't think about the wife, kids or anything else. The only choice is to get help and get back to your normal self. You were doing so great. People screw up all the time. Its not a reason to die for. Please call a help centre. You are worth it and you are allowed to make mistakes. Everybody deserves another chance so go get yours. Good luck Dave.
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