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Hello, My spouse has been taking Ambien for over 4 years and it has grown into a massive problem in our home. We have children, two, and I'm beyond concerned. I have been the person to give out the nightly medication (after uncontrollable over-using) and I'm at the end of the rope.  The prescribing doctor does not know the abuse that has taken place.  It's safe to say our marriage is almost gone for the fact lies have taken precedence over the truth.  Money goes missing and spending is completely out of line.  I've been in therapy in hopes of rectifying the pain I have over this.  There has been alcoholism in the family history as well as major physical childhood abuse to my spouse.   Respect has been lost by seeing so many lies and untruths.  I have considered hiring a detective to help this situation.  Addictive behavior is present and our family is just a mess because of this out of control white pill with the number 74 on it.   I know it is considered an opioid for two attempts with Suboxone have been attempted.  My spouse's permanent residence is in the state of denial to put it kindly.

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It's a wonderful thing that you are in counseling, but what about your spouse? Seem's like he/she has a bigger fish to fry. You signed in as Tim, so i am going to assume that your spouse is a female? What would a detective do? Do you think that something shady is going on beside's everything else Ambien related? You need to speak with her doctor ASAP. Ambien has some pretty ugly side effect's including pondering suicide. Your wife need's some counsling as well has rehabilitation, preferably inpatient. You are the only one thatcan help her, as you are the closest to this situation.

You said the doctor doesn't know of the abuse going on......well, what are you waiting for? This is up to you to get a handle on, your wife won't. You must tell him what is going on. Your wife will be furious with you but you still have to do something to curb this abuse. Many doctor's give med's out like candy these day's, ere go.....people die because of it. Watch TV, you will see it all the time. Michael Jackson, Anna Nicole Smith, Heath Ledger, the list is endless, and these are just people that are in the media, we don't hear about the little people like us dropping dead from a controlled substance. It's good that you came here for some guidance, but you must go further. We can tell you what we think you should do, but will you do it?

You love your wife right? So help her. Go to her doctor in person, get her the help she need's. I lived my entire childhood with an alcoholic family, i suffered some sexual abuse as well but i pulled myself out of the dark place i knew so well. If you have insurance then there is no excuse. Set your kid's up with a family member and get your wife into rehab or your marraige will be over. This is the mother of your children, if nothing else, help her to help them. They are going to need her for a long time, don't deny them their mother.

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Thanks for your ideas and suggestions. And yes, I do still care for her and the condition of our family's future. Let see what else she takes; Cymbalta, Prozac, and Ponstel, as well as her Synthroid for her Grave's disease. I'm wondering how I've become the great enabler (I guess you would call it love)?
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Well the Synthroid and probably the Cymbalta will have to stay on the menu, but the Prozac is "iffy" at best. You are sort of an enabler but it is because you love her, i know. Please get your wife some help because you do love her. If someone doesn't step in soon, meaning you, the problem's are just going to get worse, then you are will eventually ask yourself, why didn't i do something? Before she wipe's out your checking account or something worse, make the call to her doctor, you have the right as her husband.
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Thank you for the motivational points. It is reassuring to learn from an outsider's perspective. She definitely will be shocked to be away from the easy arena she has built. Over the last several days I have made it a point to mention to her that pills do not mask the true underlining problem. Surprisingly, she has listened and has responded by mentioning her desire to rid her system of her sleep med, Ambien. If I were to call her Doctor to discuss her medications and the overuse my wife would feel betrayed. She is very much embarrassed for her need for medication. Can you suggest other possible methods as pre steps to admitting her? We have been married over eighteen years and she needs help. She has been active in church in past years, but feels ashamed and has pushed away from even talking about church. The family suffers in turn as a result of her selfish addictions. She holds the procrastination title in her ways. Will a retreat or a mission trip help or hurt her condition? Or is just a band aid to a deep wound?
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Hi Tim,

   Your wife doesn't need a retreat or a mission trip, she need's rehab with professional's who can monitor her and help her. No matter where she goes, she will obviously take her med's with her, a rehabilitation setting will not allow her to do that. My daughter was an addict for 5 year's or better, tho my situation differ's greatly from your's, they are both addict's, meaning your wife and my daughter. We tried outpatient therapy for a year to no avail and finally went all out on her. I had her arrested. How do you think i felt calling the cop's on my own child? It was either that or i would probably have gotten a call from the county coroner asking me to identify her body. She detoxed behind bar's, with nothing to help her get thru it, just the occasional officer checking on her to make sure she was still breathing. After 13 week's of jail time, she was remanded to a rehab setting for another 20 weeks, then remanded again to a half way house where she lived for another year. That was 3 years ago. Today she is beautiful and healthy and confidant with a BA on the horizon. She lecture's in college's and half way houses as part of her clinical study now that she is an intern. I didn't mean to go off about my own issue's here, but i want you to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for your family.

Please, set your wife down and really have a heart to heart with her. You must tell her of your fear's and concern's, make her listen to you. You are the closest one to her and your the one who know's what's going on every day. I am sure she feel's ashamed, that is part of it. At least she is aware of her problem. Just know that she has a problem and that it is not her fault. She is an addict, this is a disease that can be fixed. I sat around and complained all the time about my daughter's problem and never really did anything. I would cry to her and beg her and was constantly looking on the internet for any info i could find, but i never picked up the phone, i was scared to, for her. I was scared for me as well. I felt like i was the victim, but in reality, my daughter was the one who was suffereing, right under my nose. I would see the needle mark's on her tiny and thin arm's all the time, i saw her hair fall out, i saw the once beautiful complexion of her face change from bright and creamy to dull and pimpley with sore's and scab's. I saw her teeth begin to rot and her figure go from a healthy 130 pound's down to a sickly 90 pound's.

Like i said, our situation's are different, but eerily the same in a sense. Don't let the monster take your wife away from you and her children. Reach down and grab what ever gut's you have and give her the help she so desperatly need's. Don't listen to her complaint's and don't pay attention to her when she say's she is ashamed, it's all part of the game. She will play on your emotion's until she break's you. That is what an addict does. It's nothing personnel and she will try anything to get you to change your mind, including promising you that she won't take these nasty little pill's anymore. You say your wife will feel betrayed if you talk to her Dr. Really? What has she been doing to you all this time? Betrayel, sadness, denial, blah, blah, blah, goes right out the window right now. That ship has sailed and now you need to take care of business ASAP. Just do it for her, she will hate you for a while i'm sure. My daughter refused my visit's when she first went to jail. After she started to get better and got thru self detox, she asked for me. Our reunion was beautiful. She hugged me and thanked me over and over for saving her life. To this day, she thank's me, tho a thank's is never needed. My thank's is knowing that she is better, well she will never be 100% better and she will alway's be an addict, but she is doing her best to stay clean and drug free.

Take it slow and get it done. Get past the pride c**p once and for all. Just do it for her. She will love you and respect you once this is over, trust me.

If you need to talk i am alway's around here someplace. Good luck friend.

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Thanks again BB for your personal insight. It is very kind of you to share your past experiences. It is literately a day to day process over here. I have been called abusive, controlling, delusional, and insane as I cope with my troubled spouse. It's sad that I (the one that has been living and coping with reality) gets this side of the deal. In retrospect, this experience has muffled the great family years (two kids under 10) for me. My question is, why am I always the responsible one in our relationship. Lately, my wife has pinned my intensity on irrational behavior on my behalf. Our babysitters have bonded with her and make me out as a beast. When in fact, my behavior reflects the fact that I feel compelled to parent her, out of love. I was hoping a doctor or some others could provide some adddiotional feedback as well. Still hoping and praying though.
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i have, not the same, but similar problem with my spouse. I think he just not letting go of the past and doesn't have the will power to move on and to know he can do better for himself..its upsetting. but don't give up.
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It must be an inferiority complex which stems from low self esteem. I have been really trying to compliment my wife as she was her old self. It seems to be helping her realize that she is a very good person not needing to get away from that reality. I have been praying for her daily to face the facts and exercise better self control. Our young kids need her to set a good example and they are very observant. She is a smart woman who needs social interaction on a daily basis. I'm trying to suggest to her to find friends that are positive people with bright outlooks in life. She is very important to our family's strength and future. She must know that in her heart.
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Tim is back.

A new year same but same pill.

What does it take for an addict to come to the realiztion that there is an addiction?  Is it pride that battles the truth?  Is it pill envy?  Is it greed to accumulate more pills?  Or lack of self control (gluttony)?

This process of denial is powerful to see someone litteraly go to an addiction specialist several times and then claim that doctor says that the statement was made that there is not a problem.  The art of manipulating the truth is in the works and I have lost respect.   

BB are you a certified Rn or MD?

Tim

 

 

 

 

 

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