Hay guys I've been smoking on and of since I joined the army in the late 80's!!! You would think that I'd have joined the army to get clean not get dirty but it happened:( I am 43 now and before I joined the army I had such a colourful life. My parents we're very well of although I came from a council estate up bringing, let's just say they worked very hard and had some lucky breaks!! Anyways I lived in the Isla of man Spain and have travel a lot so I was very lucky in life experience!!! I was also a very good cyclist I even raced Chris boardman a fee times (who as gone on to win your de France stages and got hold meddles) my dad had the top professional cycling teams in the country so I was externally luck and got to travel a very lot!!! Anyways enough of that I'm just trying to build a picture so you guys know how fit and healthy I was:) The army!!! I joined out of pressure from my dad I started to get into a bit of trouble and it one point I almost got myself sent down:( but luckily my mum bailed me out and afterwards because they we're at there wits end wiv me the army was my nxt destination!!! I hated the army from start to finish I thought!! I was bulled I had ribs broken and my true self beaten out of me it was sh*t!!! It was around the time raving had taken of big style in the uk so when I was going on leave to different place in the uk because my family had moved to Spain I started to knock about with old friends I had before my army yrs. I soon go into e's acid and weed. I always new I wouldn't carry on with the e's n stuff but weed had a hold of me without me even knowing!!! I had list a sister in 85 so I had plenty of down in my life to turn to some sort if numbing agent WEED!!! Lots of sadness:(( I even went awl from the army n managed to stay awl for a few months before handing myself in!! I did a few month in the guard house the I was kicked out because on return from awl I told them I had been taking drugs and acid was one of them!! I used the acid one because someone told me that because I used acid they would surly kick me out!! Which they did!!! I was so happy to get my freedom bk I went straight into the rave thing n did loads more drugs!!! I ended up on a council estate wiv a c**p job!!!! Anyways my life to a massive hit I actually fell through a roof when working and broke my bk in six places. I'm ok I mads an good recovery due to my fitness from my early days. But I son gave up weed and even fags!!! I did 2 months on a special bed that moved 24/7 to keep me frm filling up with water on my lungs or I would have died!!! I ended up moving to the south of the country because I couldnt live on my own at first because my injures we're still to bad my family had moved bk from abroad prior to my accident n my mum took to taking care of me. After a little while I soon went bk to weed I was major pain killers as well so I soon got addicted to them!!! A few yrs went by I made a brilliant recover I started to work again but still smoked weed!!! It was my friend it had stuck by me through thick n thin!!! I son meet the love of my life I got married but when trying to have a child found out I had a low count so we went for ivf. We we're lucky and on our first attempt we fell and had beautiful little girl the love of my life:) I am now crying:(!!! Anyways at that point and just before my one true love came my wife had got me of the weed I did about 3yrs clean and never looked bk. anyways weed!!! Bye the way I had a massive pay out for that accident 100k we had a house did a house project I was doing ok!! I can't remember time scale but my life was good no weed:)) me and the wife had had a few ups n downs before my little girl due to the weed!!! I cheated on her but she forgave me so all was well and there I was with this beautiful little girl!!! Anyways my bk had started to get worse I had lost time at work due to and because my wife was really poorly too with a bowel problem for some stupid reason I started to grow the stuff!!! It was great I couldn't BELIVE it the return was amazing and I was very good at doing it!!! Life was amazing I had my dream family I could work less so not had much pain!!! But guess what I started to smoke it again:((( I had a beautiful family no worry's n I started to smoke it again!!! I started to hate my wife because she was always ill I even started to resent my little girl who at this point was just about walking!!! Anyways me and the wife managed to last out until my little girl was just turning seven then after lots of fights cheating and all sorts of dark times she finally split with me!!! We had done so much damage to each other and at one point my little girl actually told me to leave daddy!! That really hurt:( I now live in a flat I spent last yr running away from my problems not seeing my littlen for days n weeks on end and still the weed was in my life!!! I gave up for a few months last yr through the help of a special friend I meet through fate but I lapsed and got bk on it!! I don't grow anymore not that I would but my little girl said to me just before Christmas "daddy why do you always miss things I say" that hit home for me she now knows I act a little strange and it's enough to stop any man with child in there trax!!! I stopped just before Christmas but this time I know I can not go bk there my body is tired of the abuse my head is tired..I am also an amazing guitarist and have played lots of gigs lots of places!! I have so much going for me now and so much ridding on giving up!!! I have lost so much from weed I have no money now I do have a beautiful new gf who fate pointed me to but I will soon f@@k that up if I continue this weed thing!! I have to let this friend go now I have to find who I am and face this beautiful life!! I can feel my heart does not beat to good these days and I get paranoid even without the weed!! I have cried so many tears over the past my tear ducts are actually f@@ked to I don't feel the right things at the right times it's so sad of me!!! There is no happy end story for guys I this life statement except I am still alive I too tried the big h I have done the c and the Mandy!!! But they are not my friends!!! I don't even know why I am posting this but I know it feels better to put my story out there maybe this is a good bye letter to an my old friend weed!!! This it now I know this is my last chance to become truly human again and start to see things in the right way...I will post again in a yrs time and hopefully I will have I happy ever after story for anyone who is interested. Bye for now x