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My boyfriend of 8 years is so jealous he accuses me of doing things and think i am always doing something when the only time we are apart is when we go to work. i work taking care of people and we have nurses and some are male. when he found out that we had a male nurse it was a big arguement because he said i was talking to him and i wasn't he only assume because we were in the same bilding we were talking . just recently we got into a argument because i went to vote with my sister and mother and he had to go by his self and he said that he thought it was special and the arguement lasted for two days he even threated to leave is it me or is he tripping. I have to watch what i say around him and how i do things around him every other day there is a problem i don't get it . oh by the way he is 43 years old.

 %-)

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6851 posts

WOW!!!!

He has a serious problem if he's that jealous. He needs help before his insecurity becomes worse.

You have a problem because you have him.

I'd be worried that he might do something to hurt you because of it.

At 43 he's been around long enough so he should know that he can't control everyone else and needs to have some faith in his girl. That's no way to live for either of you. Couples need to trust each other or life is h*ll.

My wife and I have been married almost 50 years and neither of us has ever had a problem like that. Years ago, Arthur Fiedler was doing a concert in our town. She was a super fan and really wanted to go but we couldn't get tickets. A buddy of mine did and was taking a girl. Just days before the concert we were in a bar when he mentioned she had backed out. I told him my wife would love to go if he didn't find a new date before then. My wife went to the concert with him and I stayed home to take care of the kids. A few years ago I had a friend (female) who was hiking the Appalachian Trail with another girl. I went to pick them up when they came to a trailhead near us to take them into town to do their washing and take a day off to sleep in a real bed and take about a dozen showers. We shared a room in a motel, as is customary with most thru hikers.  Motel rooms usually have 2 double beds. $75 a room. Will it be 2 in one room and 1 in another room for $150 or 3 in the same room for $25 each? That choice was pretty easy to make. The other girl's husband sent a bunch of stuff his wife needed along with me for her because he couldn't make it. He also knew what the sleeping arrangements were going to be.

So I think your BF is way too jealous and really needs some help.

How do you feel about living like that for much longer?

 

 

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Hey Zelmarie,

I have to agree with everything NJoynlife has written.

 

This person you write about- your partner- he sounds like a prison warden. Who is he to dictate who you speak to and who you spend time with? That doesn't sound like a relationship; a partnership, love- it sounds as if he owns you. You're his pet.

43 years old or not- your man sounds immature an very insecure. If there was a lesbian working in your building, would he also be paranoid about you talking to them? The root of his insecurities are nothing to do with you and if you are to have a successful relationship with this man, he needs help to deal with his issues without you around.

 

A relationship is based on trust- without it, you simply have paranoia where one or both parties want to control everything the other does for fear of losing that person. He fears losing you, yet in an effort to keep you close, he has to make sure you have no one else in your life and no possibility of leaving him for anyone else.

 

If you continue in this relationship, there is the possibility of the control going to the extremes (if it already hasn't) and violence. Men that exhibit the behaviours you have stated often exhert their control in stages. It starts off with cutting you off from friends and demanding that all free time is spent with him. This then goes on to arguments surrounding family members and accusing them of interfering in the relationship; putting blame on them for incidents and accusations of the family 'brainwashing' their partner. Eventually, the abusive partner demands the family be cut off or creates arguments when family members are mentioned/visited, etc. Alongside this cutting-off of friends and family will be other control tactics, such as rules about clothes and behaviour. He will also create arguments about your career and work in order to make you give it up. After all, working means you have some independence and he doesn't like that. When you are at work, he can't control you.

 

The long and short of it is, if you have any self-respect, self-love or respect and love for your family; get out. Get out now. 

He needs to work on his issues, but you need to be out of it before he can even realise he has issues. You need to go out and live your life, free from the control of a very screwed up man. If you don't, you could well see the inside of a morgue sooner than you anticipated. Check up a few statistics and facts about controlling partners and domestic violence, if you don't believe me.

 

Sending you lots of strength vibes. Eight years in a relationship with a controlling man is eight years too long, but please find the strength to go out and be You. You are a free person who doesn't deserve to live by the rules of a prison warden. When you find love again, it should be wonderful, light and free. It should be fullfilling and mutual, where there is trust and respect between two individuals who have an undying, beautiful bond. There is no control- no one owns the other.

Reconsider what you think of as love, if this man is it.

 

Best of luck & my best wishes

 

 

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zelmarie wrote:

My boyfriend of 8 years is so jealous he accuses me of doing things and think i am always doing something when the only time we are apart is when we go to work. i work taking care of people and we have nurses and some are male. when he found out that we had a male nurse it was a big arguement because he said i was talking to him and i wasn't he only assume because we were in the same bilding we were talking . just recently we got into a argument because i went to vote with my sister and mother and he had to go by his self and he said that he thought it was special and the arguement lasted for two days he even threated to leave is it me or is he tripping. I have to watch what i say around him and how i do things around him every other day there is a problem i don't get it . oh by the way he is 43 years old.

 %-)


Have u ever cheated on him? If not maybe he is cheating on you. There is an old saying "the chicken who laid the egg clucks the loudest" If u cheated on him he has not moved past it. You are a nurse could he possibly be schprofrania, can't spell for sh*t is he skits in the head. Does he talk to other female nurses (other than business) ? Also sounds like he is insecure about something. Been in that type of relationship got the tee-shirt.
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Sorry to say hun, but if you have a controlling boyfriend like that who accusses you the way he does and doesn't trust you around other men then he probably isn't the right one. I, myself, has had a controlling boyfriend (when I was 12; he was 15) and didn't trust me around anyone. We fought alot, and he ended up leaving me for someone else.

You could also need a break from each other. 8 years is a long time to be together with someone, especially if you two haven't gotten married or engaged yet (at least not that I know of). Maybe you two could sit down and talk; discuss about the feelings you two have in your heads when you both fight and try to work things out in a non-agressive and non-hostile way.

My parents had relatonship troubles after my little sister was born. They went to Hawaii (where they went on their honeymoon) for a week and came back and everything was fine between them. Maybe plan a trip with your boyfriend to a nice, peaceful place where you two can be alone.

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