My boyfriend is constantly suspicious of me having an affair. He always brings up the fact that he believes that I am so "sexual" and obsessed with sex, therefor it is likely that I would have an affair. I don't really understand this, as I rarely want to have sex. I would say I actively desire it about 1-2 times per week. He seems almost obsessed with the fact that he wants to make me out to be this sexual monster that wants to sleep with everything. I had mixed up one of my brother's shirts in with our laundry when I had did our laundry there and he saw this shirt and immediately began calling me names saying he knew I was cheating and he couldn't believe it was with such a fat person. I said I don't particularly find overweight people attractive, and he insisted that I would sleep with anyone because of how sexual I am. I have begun to lose interest in having sex due to fear of his comments.
I also was keeping tampons in my purse for quite a while, as I always seem to not have one when I get my period. Again, this was a "sign" that I was cheating. He became agitated and spoke about the tampons for days. I told him I had no place to store them at work, so I kept them in my purse. He actually drove to my job to check to see if the bathroom had storage. I was upset with this, but he took my discomfort as an admission to guilt of his crazy accusations. I don't save receipts, to him this was a sign that I was secretly meeting men and taking them out to dinner. He has looked in my apartment window and told me he has seen men in my bed (not true) and he imagines conversations he had with me. Just the other day I asked him to stop coming to my office to meet me for lunch as I had work to do and I needed some time to hang out by myself. He started screaming saying I said I wanted to be with my "friend". When I said that is not true and I refuse to feed into these delusions he hung up and called me a pathological liar.
He has gone through my purse on numerous occasions, and even photographed my personal identification. He said that he believed I was trying to steal his possessions or falsely get him arrested. We had some break ups and legal trouble in the past due to him having drunken outbursts that got pretty heated and violent. He always underplays them, and never atones for them in any way. However, my reactions are always constantly brought up. He broke into my apartment and physically grabbed me in an attempt to get my computer away from me. I ended up calling the police. Once again, his behavior is OK but he for months speaks about me "ratting him out".
He has been attending counseling and I thought this would help, but the behavior seems to go in one month- two month cycles. He is great for a month, and then a very small thing will set him off and he will exhibit this paranoid behavior for days.
I am struggling with loving this person to my physical health slipping from the stress of these constant outbursts. Every time I end the relationship he demonizes me and makes himself out to be such a wonderful man that he could put up with deficient old me and I fall for it every time.
I believe he many be suffering from NPD (he is constantly talking about making millions yet he has worked the same sales job for 10 years and he always talks about how people want to see him fail) and a form of paranoid personality disorder.
There are times when he will not answer his phone and will only text because he wants "documents" of our conversations. He will push me and push me and bring things up for days. When I finally snap from the stress he says, "well if you're going to act like this maybe we aren't going to work out...what a psycho".
Sometimes I feel like he gets pleasure in pushing me so far off the edge to get a reaction out of me to validate his false belief that I am the true mentally unstable partner. He has often times told me that he doesn't truly need his counselling, and I am just the one that is pushing my problems and issues on to him. He tells me how horrible I have treated him but he still loves me so much.
My friends and family cannot stand this man, and he insists it is because of "lies" that I have told them. He makes up this fantasy in his mind that I am a pathological liar and downplays his verbal abuse. My friend actually got into an argument with him because he said he has heard him call me a w**** and other names, and he was so adamant that it never happened. Eventually when he felt defeated he admitted he did say it, but it was a "joke".
I have read that people with NPD mask their insults as jokes. He does this very frequently...he makes jokes about me being a w****, overweight, etc. When I say how rude these are he says I cannot take a joke.