A lot of these behaviors in men result from being terribly insecure. Insecurity arises when a person has gne through things in life that makes them feel unstable and unloved. These life events add up and make the person filter everything abnormaly and that everyone and everything is out to get them. If it's only been three months and he is exhibiting this behavior I would be weary about stayng with him. Many of these types of guys are abusers. If he's already yelling at you after only three months what do you think he'll be doing to you after one year, two years??
I could be totally wrong, and his unusual behavior could be from something else. But please, for your own safely, read about schizophrenia.
The defining feature of paranoid schizophrenia is absurd or suspicious ideas and beliefs. These ideas typically revolve around a coherent, organized theme or “story” that remains consistent over time. Delusions of persecution are the most frequent theme, however delusions of grandeur are also common.
People with paranoid schizophrenia show a history of increasing paranoia and difficulties in their relationships. They tend to function better than individuals with other schizophrenic subtypes. In contrast, their thinking and behavior is less disordered and their long-term prognosis is better.
Most of the people have simply suggested to get out of there to stop yourself from getting hurt. I have a few things to say on that.
Firstly, he does sound like he suffers from a wide range of issues. But he does not mean with full intention to be like that... So should he be punished for the way he has become? I think he needs help. I'm not saying you should feel obligated to stay with him and help, and put yourself through hell. But have you talked to him about these sort of things and why he always feels this way?
I have a very difficult boyfriend myself. He has manic depression, some sort of Multiple Personality Disorder, he's paranoid out of his mind, he's an extremely -deep- thinker which tends to make him delusional in ways. But he is actually the most wisest, caring being I have ever met in my life. Even though I have a wide range of my own problems, I do make an effort to help him, support him, and show him that I care about what he is feeling. He does the same for me, too. Even though it's quite rough on us sometimes, and our emotions become out of control, we have such a deep connection... such a deep love for one another that we always manage to talk through whatever issue has arose.
However, the others -may- be right. I don't know. And I really don't want to be responsible for ruining peoples lives by guilting them into staying in a relationship, but yeah. :\
That's my two cents there!
He has broken up with me at least once a month (he gets back with me usually after a few hours once his rage dies down) we've been together, saying I am cheating on him. He has taken my phone and read through every text message and concluded that I am deleting texts, meaning that I am cheating on him (I wasn't deleting texts and I am not cheating on him). Once I came home from work very early and he broke up with me because he thought I was coming home to sleep with another man in our apartment (of course I wasn't). He thinks very highly of himself. He also gained a lot of weight about 2 years, ago, before I knew him. He lived with his aunt and uncle and there was a lot of tension between his aunt and him regarding his inheritance that she essentially wanted to take from him. I am not sure what caused this, but he shot at her feet with a gun (the country he's from has been struck by a lot of war so gun possession is extremely common and understood). He is very argumentative, thinks his opinion is the only correct one, and displays other paranoid tendencies: I can't cross my legs under a table if there are other men at the table because he thinks I am going to play footsie and flirt with another man with my legs under the table. He broke up with me once because he thought I was touching his friend's leg (I wasn't) and then took me back later after he calmed down but told me his friend was trying to break us up. He often thinks other people are trying to destroy our relationship. He even gets jealous when I go to lunch with my female friends and thinks that I just talk ***edited by moderator*** ** inappropriate posting** about him to them (I don't). He essentially thinks that if I have good friends they could be a threat to us and our relationship. He took time off from school and is not even working, so he hangs out a lot and wakes up very late. He is often disoriented and doesn't know which day it is (this could also be because he has no schedule, though). I could go on and on.
But, of course, when he is in a good mood he is the best person in the world and I am deeply in love with him.
Please, if anyone has advice about this let me know. I am torn as to what to do. Confronting him about the possibility that he has paranoid schizophrenia wouldn't be a good idea. He thinks he has ADHD but hasn't gotten diagnosed for it. I always think his paranoia will subside but it hasn't. I am starting to compromise myself to make sure he is not threatened or paranoid about something. It is taking it's toll on me but I love him and part of me still holds on, thinking it will go away once he learns to trust me more or gets a job or something.
My boyfriend is also a very paranoid man. He has read my text messages and looked at my call log more than once, thinks I am unfaithful to him when in reality he was the one who cheated on me, cannot forgive me for a diary entry that I wrote, feels that I want revenge or am trying to hurt him for the wrong he's done me, has said that he wishes to control me, suspects that I smile or smirk when I am not, always suspects I am lying, stays awake all night on my facebook and stalks my friends looking for some sort of connection, believes there are hidden clues that connect me to certain shows I watch or have watched, thinks that someone is having sex with me as he listens, has a substance abuse problem, and etc etc etc.
Despite this, he is my first boyfriend. He loves me for who I am, and I feel I should too. Yet, I want him to get better for his own health because it stresses him out and causes him much pain.
He is completely normal, he is just very distrustful of people, events, and things. So, we're going to counseling together where I will bring up his symptoms and ask for the therapist's opinion. If your boyfriend or loved one is not willing to go to therapy, there is really nothing you can do and nothing you will be able to do.
That's my two cents.
For more information I went on this site: ***edited by moderator*** web addresses not allowed
A pervasive distrust and suspiciousness of others such that their motives are interpreted as malevolent, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:
Suspects, without sufficient basis, that others are exploiting, harming, or deceiving him or her
Is preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of friends or associates
Is reluctant to confide in others because of unwarranted fear that the information will be used maliciously against him or her
Reads hidden demeaning or threatening meanings into benign remarks or events
Persistently bears grudges, i.e., is unforgiving of insults, injuries, or slights
Perceives attacks on his or her character or reputation that are not apparent to others and is quick to react angrily or to counterattack
Has recurrent suspicions, without justification, regarding fidelity of spouse or sexual partner
I have a paranoid boyfriend as well. He is a nice guy and very handsome but its jsut this side of him can be so evil. My boyfriend has been cheated on 4 times in his life. My boyfriend is super sensitive. He is the strong silent type and has difficulty expressing his feelings.
He can not let go of the past or any small mistake that has been done in our relationship. He final understands he has problems...But how do you treat this disorder?
So i've basically read through each post on this discussion. I am trained in dealing with psychotic guys, believe me. I have been with the same guy for almost 3 years now, and i actually think he has a problem. However, you can never, ever, ever ever (I cant stress this enough) tell him he has one. They need to realize on their own, or suggest it to their doctor. So, basically there is no cure for what every girl is going through with this, unless directed by a doctor, which usually means medication. I'm not sure the lengths you ladies have gone too, but i'll give you a little bit of background on what i deal with on a regular basis..
1. i get searched.. and i dont mean my clothes...
2. i get accused every single day of cheating or lying.
3. i am timed when i am doing something, somewhere he is not.
4. i have nearly gotten into a number of car accidents, because he proceeds to fight with me while i drive.
5. he refuses to text me first.
6. he is completeeelyyy stubborn and it's his way or the highway.
7. i am always wrong. everything is always my fault.
8. i had to delete facebook, msn, blackberry messenger, change my cell number, and email address.
9. he checks my cellphone more frequently than i do. literally my phone is to talk to him.
10. if i have a voicemail, i have to check it infront of him.
11. if i leave a location and lets say stop off somewhere on the way but dont tell him.. i am in extremely big trouble.
12. if my texts are not punctual, i am cheating on him.
13. i am not allowed to see my friends.. nevermind, what friends? i dont have any, anymore.
14. he wont let me go to family functions.
15. doesnt believe i am anywhere i say i am, so i have to take pictures to prove it to him.
16. tells me i have an attitude problem, when really its him and his psychotic b.s thats driving me mental.
17. tells me if he ever finds out i lied to him about anything he will k-i-ll me.
is this enough?
when he is good, he is INCREDIBLE, but when he is bad, oh man.. watch out, pack your bags and literally leave town. these guys tend to be extremists..
The best thing i can tell any of you to do, is to try and discuss how he is unfair to you and your needs, if that doesn't work, honest to goodness... LEAVE! it will only get worse the longer you two are together.. he has slept with god knows how many broads while we've been off and on, one right before he saw me.. he hasnt done this in 9 months or so, but prior to then, he would lie to me, swear on my life, and never tell me anything.. he would hide things from me. i mean i did the same thing.. but literally that was 2 years ago. when we became more serious about this and actually making it work.. i never lied to him once, i have NEVER slept with another person since i met him..
so yeah, sure.. give him the benefit of the doubt, for now.. but give him a time frame in which you want to see a change.. if this change does not last a month. Leave, before he begins channeling his anger from mentally abusing you into physically, trust me by the time this is all up, you will have experienced every aspect of abuse in one relationship.. i am speaking from experience here, however, i did not have someone telling me 3 years ago that this was the direction my life was heading in im not sure if i would have taken another path or not.. but the fact that i am unsure about it bothers me. Don't give up your entire life like i have, it will be the biggest mistake of your life.. i am all for helping people, i know they have problems, but this issue, is something a lot of convincing and love will not fix. he needs help, he needs to speak to someone about his problems so he can find the route of his anger.. which by the way, he'll say is you. if its not now, its in your future.
Hope this helped a bit, if not you can contact me.
I can't explain how the last post made me feel, I felt as though I was reading about my own life.
All of these things that you explained happen to you on a regular basis, are pretty much exactly what I go through. I have been with my boyfriend for one year and this is my life:
1. I must show him my car boot to prove that I do not have "spare clothes" to stay at another guys house.
2. If I wear make up, his first assumption is that I'm trying to impress someone else - when I've only put it on to impress him.
3. I am accused of lying and cheating several times a day. Even about the littlest things.
4. Everywhere I go, I am timed. If I take longer than he expected (ie. traffic or getting petrol), I am accused of cheating.
5. I had a car accident because I was fighting with him.
6. If I dont answer my phone every single time he calls, I must be cheating on him.
7. Same if I dont respond to a text within a specified timeframe - I must be cheating.
8. It's pointless standing up for myself anymore in a fight - he is always right, I am always wrong. And everything is my fault.
9. I have had to delete my facebook and myspace and msn messenger.
10. He checks my phone on a daily basis and still accuses me of 'deleting' text messages and 'calls'.
11. I am not allowed to socialise with my friends - as they are "bad" for me. If they want to go out for their birthday or a special occasion - there is no way in hell I am allowed. (Even though he can do what he wants and has lied to me several times about going out).
12. He never believes where I am. I have to take photos of everywhere I am (and each photo must be taken in a specific way ie. "holding a watch" to ensure I have not pre-taken the photo at another time).
13. If I get upset or yell back at him in a fight, I am the "psycho" - even though it is his abuse that gets me this way.
14. I just returned from my lunch break at work and sure enough whilst looking out the window I saw him drive past numerous times (to check on me to make sure I'm not having lunch with anyone).
15. He falsely accuses me of seeing other guys and even tells me that he has seen me with other guys (when I sure as hell havent been) just to try to catch me out.
The list can go on.
Last night he made me sit there whilst he told his mum that we were broken up and he couldnt be with me anymore. And then 10 minutes later proceeds to hug me and forget all about it. Does he just want to humiliate me? He has done this about 5 times now.
He verbally abuses me to the extreme on a regular basis... and apologises a few hours later when he has calmed down. He has physically abused me on occasion, which appears to be getting more frequent and worse. He has admitted that one day he thinks he will kill me. I dont know what to do. I know that something is just not right, and I know that what I go through is not right. I know that this is not a life I want to live forever. But I struggle to leave. I always come back. We "break up" on a regular basis. But when he is not being paranoid or mad, he is the nicest, sweetest most caring and loving most incredible AMAZING boyfriend in the world. And I think that it what makes it so hard for me to leave.
I have tried to tell him what he is doing, but its pointless. He doesn't listen and it's all my fault and it just starts a massive argument and I get kicked out.
If anyone has any advice on what to do, or what is the best way to deal with this, please post it here. I feel so trapped and lost. I know that it is not healthy and I know that it is bad for me, but I'm struggling to leave. What can I do? Is it possible to decrease this behaviour? Is it possible to continue a relationship?
I have been with my partner for 15 months. The first 6 mths were horrific with constant episodes as explained by all on this topic. I had no idea what was going on, I had never met anyone as wonderful and as paranoid as him before. It all came to a head when he accused me of having an STD when all it was, was a bacterial girl thing. The relationship was to end, but for the grace of a higher power, he agreed to see a doctor.
His local GP told him he was having anxiety issues and prescribed Lexapro. He was a changed man within 24 hrs. Everything was fine for 6 weeks, then he went off the medication for 5 days. He had a massive paranoid breakdown. His young teenage son packed up and went home to his mother. He has not had any contact with him since.
He went back to his GP and got another prescription and was told NEVER stop taking them. Things were great for 7 mths. He is an angel. Recently he forgot to take his morning tablet. By evening it was on for young and old and especially me. We all know how it goes. Its degrading, humiliating, frightening and all you want to do is run. You can't defend yourself against their imagination.
I don't want to leave him. If it was a heart condition or some other illness would you leave because it was having an emotional effect on you?. This is what I ask myself all the time. I don't want to hear from my family and friends yet again "gee you can pick 'em".
It sounds like some of you have this behaviour on a more regular basis than I. My suggestion to you is that when they are lucid and caring, you insist that if the relationship is to grow that they see a professional. Should they be prescribed medication ensure they know what and why they are taking it and all the side effects if any.