I know this may seem long but i need some answeres and support so please take the time to read.
So im sure there are tons of other topics similar to this but in my case i just dont understand. So ive always drank but usually kept it to the weekends only. Ive always been pretty active and hit the gym during the week but when the weekends comes the fun begins. Well ive noticed each year i get older (just turned 32 in june) my body reacts to alcohol worse. I used to be able to do a 3 day bender no problem but for some reason this year my body reacts worse and worse. Anxiety runs in my family and ive had on and off battles but none like this. So heres to my issue and question.
Past 2-3 years i went through a phase of drinking pretty much daily. I was what i called a functioning alcoholic. Went to work, worked out at the gym and when i got home to kill the rest of the day i would drink at home. I was bored and i live on the outskirts of the city so when i was bored i drank. Went through a couple failed relationships partially because of drinking on both ends so ive decided i dont want to do this to myself anymore. I had not given my heart to someone for a few years before this last one that ended in March so although it was totally for the best it did hurt me and at times still does. So naturally i drank to numb the pain. Ive always liked to drink casually with friends, etc. so i told myself no more drinking during the week and limit it on weekends.
My birthday was the real eye opener on June 3rd because i literally felt like it was my time to die. Partied all weekend and on my actual birthday i was in such bad shape i layed on the couch day and night crying. A few months before i noticed i started to have major anxiety after drinking but mainly when i tried to start this new method of cutting it down. Ive never had shortness of breath associated with my anxiety but i feel i have it almost all the time now. After a night of drinking when i leave my house the anxiety hits me and i force myself to turn around and go back home and drink by myself or with my roomate. I hate this feeling and its making me really depressed. Im not a bad looking guy and im in pretty good physical shape but i feel like im wasting my life away. I have succeeded in working out harder during the week to keep me busy and just drink on the weekends but if i drink alot friday night, saturday and a bit on sunday come sunday night my breathing feels so shallow that it feels like im going to stop breathing so i force myself to stay up all night and go to work next morning. As im writing this i am so disconnected, dont feel well at all and just want to cry.
I used to always have friends to hang with and do things but now at my age they are all settled down or have kids. The single friends i do have all live more in city where i bought ahouse on the outskirts (long story why). So i guess i have a few issues and questions.
- Why suddenly does this anxiety and shortness of breath hit me after drinking 1-2 days in a row when it never did before? Is it because for a couple years i drank pretty much every day and now that i limit it to weekends my mind is re adjusting to the change but the anxiety is a result??
- Is the fact im confining myself to my house also causing this anxiety?
- How can i get rid of it or fix this issue im going through. I feel lonely, sad, helpless and at times figure why go on. Of course i would never do anything stupid but this is probably the longest and hardest low ive ever experianced to this point. I want to meet someone, i want a family but at the current moment i have no clue how i will get there going through all this.
Do any of you relate? How can i fix or beat this?
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