had sex after 12 years

Are you saying that you are 12 or you had sex 12 years after the last time? And the hurting/"split open" feeling could be from the guy being too rough and the itching could be from you healing. Like when you get a tattoo or piercing and one way you know it's healing is sometimes it'll itch. So it could be you healing or you may have a yeast infection. And the hurting when it pees can be from the roughness (roughness can cause swelling, which causes the "hurt or soreness")

:$ I am 67 lived with the say guy for 21 years,and we just never had sex for 12 years not my fault,I told him I was tired living like a munk and he had been checking out younger girls i said I was leaving all of a sudden he wanted sex.. :O

Well it could be because of your age, as you get older the vagina changes on the inside. Especially if you've went through menopause. Try using lots and lots of water-based lubricant.