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So I don't want to look like a whiney girlfriend with her head in the clouds, but here is my situation. I am 22, have been with my current boyfriend for 2 years, he is 23. I am in pharmacy school graduating in a few years. We have lived together for 1 1/2 years, and it has been a WONDERFUL relationship. We rarely fight, we both are pretty much over our party phase, and just enjoy sitting at home every night watching dumb sitcoms and cooking or talking. About half way (a year) into our relationship I started probing around at his thoughts of marriage, not suggesting it, but just seeing what his views were on the topic. He would just kind of brush the topic off...laughing nervously and changing the subject. I am not dumb, this obviously means he is not mature enough to have that kind of commitment, or he just does not want it with me.
However, he is a very "non-conformist" rebellious person, you know one of those that claims that marriage is just "the governments way of tying you down", and I swear if getting married became unpopular one day, he would change his opinion and get married in a heartbeat, just to do the opposite of society. I respect this alternative nature of him...but sometimes I just can't decide if its his individuality and I need to deal with it...or just maturity issues. I know that girls mature faster than boys, so I am probably ahead of him age-wise in my head. So should I just give him time to grow up a little bit, or might it not happen?
But the last year we have been together, he incessantly talks about how I am the "only one" meant for him and he wants to "wake up with me for the rest of his life", never giving me any sign that he would ever cheat on me, and all that goo-goo ga-ga stuff.
So when I found out I might be pregnant a few days ago, he was all for it, ready to support and work harder to save money for it, buy a house and live together happily ever after and all...but when I brought up the subject again of wanting to be married when we have the baby...he was just calmly, sternly, against it. He claims that he doesn't need to sign a paper to be commited to me, and that getting married puts ropes on him that will change our relationship, and just is totally against it.
This is totally hurtful and disheartening to me. I know that he still loves me, because whatever idea he thinks marriage is, I just want to publicly announce our commitments to each other, and look at a ring on my finger every day knowing that I have a HUSBAND, and not a BOYFRIEND. Not to mention that our child will grow up confused. I know that this is a new day and age and people have babies out of wedlock all of the time, and the main issue with most people is the religious aspect of it, but thats not it at all for me. It just goes back to the fact that every girl dreams of her wedding day, and to know that it might not happen, and how it will dissapoint my family enough to find out that I am pregnant, let alone not getting married, makes me want to cry!

Thanks for letting me vent, and any advice or just empathy would be much appreciated.


Many couples do live happily ever afer now days with out that little piece of paper. Children are born everyday to moms and dads that are not married to each other. It all depends on the person. You want the whole white picket fence thing and Sunday dinners at mom's house, he might want the same thing, but not with the ring on his left hand. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink it, so true. A baby will not change his feelings about marraige and if it does, it will probably be out of guilt, which could eventually cause resentment. The lovely stroll down the aisle and whooping it up at the reception, does not a marraige make. It sounds like you two really love each other, and you fit well together. Your baby shouldn't have to grow up confused. This child will live in a home with two parents who will love him to pieces. Guidance, structure and love will be all he needs to grow into a decent person who will be able to give love the way he (or) she was given. Confusion is what we make it. I am sure your not going to constantly remind your child that his mommy and daddy aren't married. Why would you? Kids grow up with the values that they were instilled with. There are children with 2 moms in the same home, they may have 2 dads in the same home, they may have an absent mom or an absent dad. Does this mean that this child's sexual preference will be men or women? Or because dad or mom was absent thru his or her childhood that he or she grows to hate the opposite sex? Strong morals accompanied with strong values will determine this childs life, not whether mom or dad were married. can't base you life on a "dream" of getting married. And you can't live your life in accordance to what your family will think or say. And i'm sure it does make you want to cry. But if you knew that he wasn't marraige minded, why would you allow yourself to get pregnant(if you are)?? There are tons of men out there who refuse to get married just because they have a baby on the way. If you are not pregnant and knowing what you know about his lack of committment when it comes to getting married, i suggest that you get on some birth control. If you don't see yourself as being Mrs. Whatever... ever...then you need to search your heart and your head a little. If the whole ring thing is your idea of the perfect life and you know you won't get that with this man, ever, then it may be time to excuse yourself from this relationship with no hard feelings.