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Hello there. I'll have been married 6 years in may 2013. We got married a bit fast under normal circumstances because of my abusive family situation and i needed to get out of there. So we got married when i turned 18, he was 19. We've had a fine relationship these few years. however a few years ago i found out it will be harder for me to have children of my own if i wait to long. i have PCOS and my medical health isnt amazing. We aren't amazing for money and recently have been in quite a lot of debt when i lost my job. HOwever, things are on the mend..we cleared off half our debt and even tho i'm not medically fit to get a job yet we are still doing fine. He's been a student in physics for his Bach course. This is his last year. He had to take a few extra years of repeating due to medical problems and one year to take care of me. He has a mental problem, autistic spectrum disorder so we've never really had great communication. It normally ends with me pouring my heart out and him either shrugging or not speaking back. or me sitting there waiting and waiting and waiting for him to say something and ending up just walking away. I' made it perfectly clear when we got married that i wanted to have children young, because i was raised in a big family and five generations were still alive. Its something that is very important to me. Children have always been very important to me. He wanted us to get married first and do things ''properly'' so i waited. When we'd have these conversations i'd just ask for some sort of compromise. Sometimes he'd say, get a steady job while i'm going to school and we can start trying. I hold down a job for like a year and a half while being the maid of the house while he goes to university. i take care of everything, like laundry, bills, talking to people on the phone, cooking, shopping, etc.....while he played games or was doing school work. He's never worked a day in his life...and so i was really excited to be at work and moving towards getting our life on track. things were still good and we were still very close. Then unfortunatly i had surgery and got sick, found out i had a tumor in my head that was removed. I'm doing better now but i'm still not as healthy as i should b. Anyway, that was when i lost my job and we fell into debt because there was too many bills and not enough money since he didnt work. He got paid disability and his student loans. So we lost our flat, but i took care of it and got us a much better one. Two bedroom and really cheap. After that it was , he isnt ready...or he wants to get his PHD after he graduates. etc. this problem just keeps coming back and coming back. 

Somehow it turned into me being his mother and cleaning up after him while i'm home all day. Its' always, you need to get a job, or we'll talk about it when we are out of debt. So now...here we are...almost 6 years later and i feel like...i'm being led on, by my husband. This has always been important to me..and i love him so much that i've taken care of him and done EVERYTHING i can for him..But i'm running out of time to have kids...I have been waiting patiently...I've done everything i've asked. its just excuse after excuse. Now its...you need to get your health back up..to where you can POTENTIALLY hold down a full time job. I've worked all my life! I know what work is. I've been working my butt off in budgeting to get our debt down. I've BAILED him out of situations with his university because he literally almost quit after ''wanting this so much''. he almost quit in his last year..he has like 6 months left....We've started marriage counseling...but its like...i feel so cheated...I've done everything i can and i would do anything for him!

 

And tonight i just talked to him about it, and he came up with my health excuse and just...walked out so there was no conversation about it. So i'm just left crying here. He once said in therapy that he wanted to make sure we were commited. and i just thought..we are married! (we had almost split up) how much more commited can you get. EVERYONE i know is having children...and i've done what he's wanted, everything proper and its just...i feel lied too, i feel cheated, i feel led on....and i feel heartbroken. I've done everything i can, but the one thing i've always wanted and knowing that i could lose my chance at having kids, i said...dont youf eel bad if you take that away from me. He said to me he wouldnt feel bad if he took that away from me. Kids isnt a compromise he says. We aren't ready. Its all him, he gets to choose this. But, would he really wait so long that i would lose my chance to have the family i've always dreamed of. Whats so wrong with wanting a family with my husband. I duno what to do anymore. I have scheduled another meeting with our therapist...but i feel like this is it. I dont want to lose him, but i feel like nothing i want matters. Its all stephen stephen stephen. His mother once even said, why are you crying when he is so upset.. <---thats when he was freaking out about his exams and almost failed because he was irresponsible and didnt study til the night before. I'm trying to work on our relationship, i'm trying not to close myself off, we are being more affectionate , we do have problems in the bedroom department because i think its mostly just me reseting him. or maybe because i feel so pressured to finish. Sometimes i feel like he has problems staying hard too. Once he even said, whats the point cause you never finish anyway. 

 

i know this is long. i'm sorry. i'm just...so upset

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Before considering having a child, you must be financially prepared cause having a kid is expensive. And it’s important to be aware if you two are on the same page regarding how you want to have a child and If you two aren’t on the same page, it can affect your marriage. Especially you said he is always making excuses. Mean he is not ready yet. You must also consider if he is ready for Screaming, crying baby and sleepless nights every day. As you mention, He has a mental problem. Your husband needs to be emotionally ready. Is he willing to take on the challenges of being a parent? It’s a meaningful question to ask yourself. Sometimes people hope to have a child will make their marriage stronger. You must consider what your husband wants and his decision.Parenting is way harder than you thought it'd be.
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