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Health & Fitness

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live
longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
Need grain? Eat chicken. A pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily intake of vegetables.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled
wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you
get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of
grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one
to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more
vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around
the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!!
It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets and remember....... "Life should NOT be a
journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an
attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways -
Chardonnay in one hand - strawberries in the other - body thoroughly
used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO!......What a


words to live by!


Good stuff, when it doubt, link it somehow to vegetables


:LOL: I loved that last part! Woohoo!!!!!


Sadly there are people who believe this too. :|

Good stuff though.


Love it.

Unfortunately, too many people at my work site adhere to all of the guidance. Rough guess about 90%.



fubby. I love the ending too.


I've been doing it all wrong!!! :x :x

thank you so much for clearing that up. Pass the fruit from the Bon Bon tree please.


what an ending! lemme skid in sideways please