My daughter has told me she's gay. Now we have a problem. First of all let me just stress that I couldn't possibly care less that my daughter is gay! She's 16 and my world! If she's happy then I'm happy. She came to me a month ago with a worried look on her face and said "sit down dad". First I thought she's got into some sort of trouble. I asked what's up and she said she's into girls. I kept a straight face and the she actually apologised!! So I said something along the lines of "what are you sorry for? You've done nothing wrong! I don't care if your gay. You didn't choose to be gay any more than I chose to be left handed so don't be daft!!" She gave me a hug and thanked me. Then she told me she has a girlfriend..... I had noticed shed been spending time with this other girl from school (their both 16 btw) and she admitted that they are more than friends. I told her she is welcome in my house anytime an that neither of them feel awkward about it. The problem is my parents..... Her grandparents.... They are very much against the idea of homosexuality. They threatened to disown me when I was a kid if I ever turned gay!! My daughter loves them and doesn't want to loose them so she's decided to "live a lie" in order not to hurt them. I disagree...... I think they should know an if they don't like it then they don't deserve her in their lives. Should I try to convince her to tell them or let her carry on lying to them.... And herself. Thanks
Health Guru9578 posts
I know that can be a very hard thing for the older generation ie grandparents to accept because it wasn't a thing talked about in there day but they need to move with the times and accept your daughter for what she is because she is still the same person she always has been for the last 16 years. There is no reason in this day and age to be homophobic. You can't really false your daughter to tell them if she doesn't want to specially if she knows what they told you when you was young, let her make her own decision and just be supportive on what ever she chooses to do.
Health Ace6880 posts
I don't see why the subject should come up. I certainly wouldn't run to them and say "hey I'm gay". If at some point in time they happen to find out and they don't like it, that's their problem.
The way you handled your daughters coming out and your support for her is wonderful well done.
Her apologizing to you for being gay could indicate that she is having some difficulty coming to terms with her sexuality and she is most likely worried about how her grandparents would react to her being gay.
The choice should be hers and hers alone if and when she tells her grandparents she made a huge step in coming out to you and with such a wonderful accepting reaction from you it must have been a huge relieve for her.
Coming out is a process and she needs to have control over who she tells and when. Support her and love her unconditionally as you already do but don’t press the issue.
She may benefit from LGBT support group is there is one at her school or in the area where you live, you could ask her if she would like you to gradually try and educate her grandparents and hopefully they will realize the girl they have loved and supported for the past 16 years is still the same person and she needs them to understand and support as always and her sexuality should not change how they feel about her if they truly love her.