Hello everybody, i am a 16 year old male and have for the past few years had gay (Mainly romantic thoughts). But i have for years watched strait porn not girl on guy but just girl, i have never been attracted to the genitals of a female or their breasts just the anal area /: (not sure if that is important but you get to read it anyway lol) nor have i ever had romantic fantasies involving a women. The thing is after having these gay feeling i decided to watch some gay porn but it didn't spark anything, if that's so why do these romantic gay feelings feel so right? Now im scared that i am a straight guy wanting to be gay or something, confusing right? I am still in the middle of trying to figure it all out and it is realy spinning me in circles here ): Also something that i don't understand is why i can't watch gay porn it just doesn't do anything for me it just doesn't feel like i'm involved (know what i mean? If not sorry lol) Also when these feelings kick up i start keeping myself cleaner and exercizing more i start eating better etc, but eventualy get back to watching the porn i did before and i get realy depressed and more confused and i just start thinking im strait... but then a few months later the feelings hit me again and the cycle repeats, over,over and over again. i have recently stopped watching porn altogether hoping that might clear things up a bit. But my questing remains, what the hell is happening to me? And thank you so very much for reading this (:
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During High school, Jr & Sr. yrs. I dated, but the objective was to get laid. As soon as that had been done I had no more interest and moved onto the next. I had always been curious about guys bodies. I met guys that became close friends,but was confused also. I look back and see things I missed. But more than sex, I was looking for a connection, someone who was intelligent, and valued me as well, having great long discussions. I met someone and fell in love, way hard, but it wasn't mutual, ,and I felt like my heart had been ripped out. I always found it hard, and still do, to make lasting relationships. Some were not ready to admit to themselves how they felt, were loving when we were together, but they called after a few beers, wanting to come over. I had my own apartment before I graduated, so I didn't worry about family, my parents divorced about that time. I met someone, I fell in love, but after a short time of dating, we became best friends for 15 yrs, and I never stopped loving him. I moved and lost contact. I met another friend, we never hooked up, but could always talk about anything. He had to have a transplant and was left with complications,and died of cancer about ten yrs ago. It is always confusing, and you have to respect yourself enough not to abuse yourself or let them take advantage of your feelings. You always remember romance is a two way street. I don't go to bars, or parks, and find it very hard to meet anyone that wants more than a one time thing. A lot of guys get married , have kids, even though they are attracted to other men. Because that is what family and society expect. But it is becoming easier to still have children and a family as a gay man. You should always take care of yourself, and exercise, eat healthy. It is easier to maintain, than try to correct later. But I was 3 or 4 yrs older than you when things became clearer. But today everything is easy to get access to on the internet. Hopefully you will get your feelings sorted out sooner than later. But sometimes it is not a clear cut path, and takes time. Hope you figure things out.
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