How do i deal with my bf's child's mother

Hi guest, you have to accept that he is connected to her for life as a co-parent with his daughter. You have no other choice. You also need to accept that his daughter is his first consideration. It is his duty as a father to put her needs first. If you can't accept that then find someone without children I know I may sound harsh but that is the reality. It is really important for his daughter that he has as healthy a relationship as possible with her mother. You needn't feel threatened by that. It should ideally be a courteous, business like relationship focussed solely on the daughter. I am speaking from both sides of the step parenting relationship here. I have children from a former marriage and so does my partner. If he couldn't cope with me having an ongoing parenting relationship with my ex that would be a deal breaker because my kids come first. Which doesn't mean his needs don't count and it doesn't mean I won't put him first in some things, but in the big picture the kids come first and he is a very close second. And it works the same way with his kids.

Sally's advice to you is VERY sound (above). Do take it to heart.

 

I'll add that it's wise for you to pick up a book on step-parenting, because that is what you will become if your relationship with this man continues. That child will be influenced - negatively or positively - by the way you handle that very important duty.

 

Try to look at the situation through the child's eyes. She has a mom, who she loves/adores/relys on and who loves her more than anything. She has a father who is and will remain everything to her. These are the constants in her life.

 

She will also have step parents (from both mom and dad). She has no choice over who the step parents are. No choice when they come and when / if they go, if they like her, love her or mistreat her. She is entirely at the mercy of the adults in her world.

 

So the adults have to rise to the task - and that includes you. To do that, you need to understand your BF's relationship with his ex MUST be the best it can be, in spite that they have parted and moved on.

 

Anything less robs that little girl of the stability she needs to develop into an emotionally healthy adult.

 

If you don't feel capable of taking on this role - you need to walk away. Now, not later.