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My Step daughter is 13 1/2 she recently started her period I think this is her 4th or 5th one. She was having issues with using pads and decided to just wipe with tp, so we decided to try tampons problem fixed right?

On our way home from a family vacation she got her period she told me about it, but didn't want to do anything about it. I figured she was just embarrased I told my husband and  we stoped at a store to get her some tampons, so she could fix herself and change her clothes at the store or the next rest stop.

My husband had a talk with her about taking care of herself and that she needed to fix this right away. She started arguing with him and refused to get out of the car at the store. We stoped at a rest stop to try again. I asked her how bad it was she said she bleed through her pants. I told her she needed to fix this she said she would when we took her to her mother's house.. mind you we were a state away at that time. I tried just about everything with her to get her to understand that she is going to have a period for most of her life and needs to deal with it. Her thinking was that by crossing her legs and not standing up will stop it. I told her that won't work it's coming weather you like it or not and that it is disgusting to want to sit in it the rest of the way home and that she needed to fix it. Then she started arguing with me.. It took all my restraint as a parent to not yell at her and drag her out of the car to the bathroom.

What do you do? We can't force her to use a tampon, so we gave up and let her sit in it until she got to her Mom's house. Thank god for leather seats! We made her clean up the seat that night and the next day she had to scrub and sanatize the seat; hopeing that she would be embarrased enough to not let this happen again.

My husband and I are totally grossed out by this and so is her mother. What do we do to get her to use feminine products? I'm at a loss I've never heard of any little girl not taking care of herself. When I was growing up my friends and I were looking forward to getting breasts and having our periods. it was a rite of passage that we were proud of.....we were no longer little girls.

What do we do with her? Does anyone have any ideas or has had a similar problem with their daughter?

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Has she ever received any guidance or information on having a period and going through puberty?  Was anything taught in school?  If not, she likely does not understand what is happening and what she needs to do to care for her body.  It sounds like she would rather ignore it than deal with it.

Does she have a close relationship with any older women in her family?  Anyone that can talk to her that she will listen to?  If she is unwilling to listen to you, your husband, or her mother, then she needs someone to talk to that can really reason with her.
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Please do not take me the wrong way in this, I do not know what your step daughter is like. I'm just wondering if she could she possibly be having an identity/gender crisis?
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It could be a form of depression or anxiety ....or even bullying from kids at school.
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I realize that this is an old post...but, hopefully you have gotten things worked out with your step-daughter.

If not, as horrible as it is to think/say...she may have been molested.
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what are all these assumptions ??!

for all we know, perhaps she was trying to get a bit of attention.

when kids dont get enough attention, they try to get it any way they can ....

sometimes the parents only react (therefore, attention) when the kid's is doing something ''bad''.

they dont give enough praise for the ''good'' things they accomplish, and thats not psychogically healthy.

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i hope she starts taking her personal hygeine seriously.i dont kwow what advice to give bc i was not too long ago looking for the same answer.GOOD LUCK AND LET ME KNOW ANY REMEDIES THAT WORK

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Lots of assumptions here. But the fact is thatshe is not facing up to her responsibility. As a budding woman, her reproductive system is a responsibility that she must accept and take care of. If she doesn't accept counsel from family, when she goes to school her friends will harrass her about her menstrual cycle and how she smells. Because she will smell. She could just be wanting to not grow up. When I became diabetic I refused to check blood glucose or take insulin simply because I did nt want to be diabetic. Denial does not work.
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Congratulations, you have just made the evil step-mommie list. My daughter is on the autistic spectrum and just began her first period at the age of 13. Last night, she did not want to wear a pad to bed, arguing with me that it was okay if she bled everywhere. I calmly explained to her several times that she had to take care of it or it was just going to turn into a bigger mess. I feel that if I lost my temper and called her disgusting then she would've developed a complex. This could have developed into a dread every month accompanied by a feeling of disgust with her own body. I feel you have handled your step-daughter's refusal to change into pads very horribly. Forcing her to change isn't going to work. Think about how she felt when she realized she leaked and how embarrassing it would've been for her to get out of the car where anyone could've seen her leakage. Of course she didn't want to get out! My daughter didn't even want to walk into the grocery store with me to buy pads, instead she chose to sit on the grass outdoors. It is normal for a teenager to feel embarrassed about starting their period, and no teenage girl wants to be humiliated by their screaming parents (or worse, step-mother).

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Your sick! you have no idea what its like being a step parent my daughters biological mother is a deadbeat you should be thanking this woman for stepping up and reaching out for help by trying to open up a discussion you are the type of B that needs to be hit by a train your probably bitter B all alone/unmarried divorced. My niece is autistic and with little prompting takes care of herself quite good considering so why don't you go rot somewhere or JUMP!
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Your situation is not this woman's. How dare you call her evil! We can always behave better as parents, but instead of helping this woman who is seeking advice on how to be a better parent, you judge her and berate her, basically calling her a failure. You don't know why this girl refused to address the mess, but I also didn't see a suggestion for this mother to ask the girl if it was a matter of embarrassment or if she even could explain her adamence. No suggestions to have the girl sit on a towel to spare the seats, nothing supporting this mother's seeking of mental health help, nothing. Is herror daughter even on the spectrum? Mine isn't and yet, at twelve, her father and I have to address nightly bedwetting, intentional daytime wetting, playing with feces, and refusal to wear pads or tampons. We have seen doctors, psychologists, specialists, you name it, and put daughter is a mystery to them. This is difficult and frustrating and your response to this mother's outreach is a reason people stop asking for help. Mind your own issues if you cannot find a way to be supportive.

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I know this is old but incase another mom sees this, hopefully it will help someone. As a caseworker it is my opinion the OP is not correctly handling this at all. Nature doesn't wait until a little girl is not a little girl anymore to begin it's process. It can be terrifying for a CHILD to have to get it or insert something up there and even more so to a girl that is scared of growing up and may not be mentally ready to do so. Especially since you say her birth mother is a deadbeat. And you are not compassionate nor kind. No wonder she isn't mentally prepared. Nature's plans aren't in conjunction with the rate of aging in the mind. Especially after suffering from poor parenting on both sides. Treat her with love as a default, not from a place of shame
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