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...ex-spouses and the ability to see children you had with your ex-spouse?

Our situation:

When the DH and I started dating it was only 3 months before his ex moved back to Guam with his son. They had joint custody but my DH didn't pursue anything legally (long story). Through the past 8 years we have seen Christian (his son) for two summers and a couple of weeks besides that. Fast forward to today...Christian and his family moved back to Maryland (about an hour drive from where we live) so we were thrilled to say the least. However, the ex is now playing these stupid games with us. Christian is 16 but is mildly autistic so he doesn't always act 16. He has a hard time adjusting to new things so it is understandable that he would have a hard time adjusting to being back here. But, the ex told us last week he could come spend the weekend with us. Then, at the last moment changed her mind and said maybe we could pick him up today and he could stay until Wednesday because she had a seminar to go to Mon-Wed anyway and Christian would be home alone (which he is capable of) during that time. So, we decided to go to our old church this morning which is about 10 minutes from their home. After church we thought we could pick him up and bring him home. Last minute change again...she said maybe we could pick him up tomorrow instead. So, we took him for lunch and took him back home. Now I'm wondering what the "change" is going to be when we drive up there tomorrow. I'm getting pissed just thinking about it.

My DH is normally a very calm, loving person but the moment he talks to (or even thinks about) his ex you can see this fire coming from his eyes. I know it is horribly painful for him because he loves his son so much but I just don't know what to do or say to make things better (not that anything I could do/say would make it better, really...).

Anyway, this is my first time ever having to deal with his ex in a real way. I have talked to her on the phone and emailed her before regarding other issues but now I'm pissed and I want to say something...but know I can't...because it isn't my place to say anything. UGH!

Anyone else have similar experiences?

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Diva:

You'll need to thread lightly here. If you get "too" involved you stand the risk of being branded the _____ in the situation.

However playing the "change of plans game" is a bit immature especially since there's a kid involved. I would suggest hubby have a chat with the ex and explain these "last minute changes" are having significant impacts on your side. You only want what's best so the best thing to do is work together on this issue.

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Exactly. That is why I don't want to be in the middle of this...besides other obvious things. However, the ex is very, VERY immature and plays these stupid "games" all the time. Her "game plan" changes each time and we can never read her to figure out how to "move" next. It is frustrating.

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Diva-

I would think these sudden changes are setting Christian off. I'm going to give the ex a benefit of the doubt for a moment....so do you think that maybe she might be a little intimidated by you getting to know her son more. i'm not sure how well you know him. But as you know, my son is like Christian and there's a fear/embarrassment factor about his behavior. I get a little flaky/anxious with him out of my reach because I lose control of the situation. As a mother of two, I don't think I'm overprotective, because I don't get this feeling with my younger son. I feel the need to be there and step in as I fear that he will embarrass himself and most people don't understand. I'm not sure if that is what it is, because I would think that if it were she'd want to be there for the first few meetings just to see the interaction between father/stepmom/brother and son. Maybe she just has irrational guilt that ex has a "normal" son. Who knows.

anyway...hang in there.....the best thing for Christian is to have as many people in his life that accept and love him, as is. Hopefully mom will realize this and stop playing games for her son's sake.
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I'm sorry sweetie.

We have issues.... lots of them....
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I can't really relate, thank goodness. Ian's dad and I have a great relationship and although I think his new wife is as numb as a hake, she loves my son and does the very best she can for him.
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