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         Few months ago, i started dating this guy that i feel loves me more than i love him. in fact, i went into the relationship because i thought i would get to fall in love with him in the process. but things did not work out well as i thought. I broke up severally with this guy, but each time,.. he came on his knees, begging to have me back, it was so sympathetic that i was always left with no choice than to take him back. Because i felt pity for him, the relationship was based on pity, and not love, because i never loved him. But the tragedy here is,... i was still a virgin when i met him. i intended to keep my virginity to my dream man on the night of our wedding, so i had no plans of having sex with him because i never loved him. But so many things happened he was always demanding for sex. and each time,... i always say no to him, so he suggested fingering me which he said had no side effect and does not hurt at all. I gave in to the idea, and he started fingering me. The last time he did,... i lost some drops of blood, say two or three drops. I finally broke up with this guy, and started dating a new guy that i am so much in love with, and i completely adore. I told him that i was still a virgin, but i know he still has some doubts. and that is because i have never had any sexual intercourse with any guy. my question is,.............. will i still bleed if i have sex for the first time? please i really want to know. because that is the only evidence that will make him believe that i am still a virgin.,................................................ i will be glad to receive satisfying answers from you all.,.............................. THANK YOU FOR READING THROUGH. please leave a reply bellow.

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Dear Becky

I'll try and answer your two questions, and then try and deal with other issues relating thereto.

  1. "How do i know i am still a virgin, after bleeding from fingering?"You know you are still a virgin because you have not had penis in vagina sexual intercourse. Also you have declared your wise intention to keep your virginity until marriage. Hold on to that.
  2. "Will i still bleed if i have sex for the first time?"You may well still bleed after you have sexual intercourse for the first time. However that depends on a number of factors
    • The amount of damage done to your hymen, its structure, and the size if his penis
      1. Some hymens are tough and take a lot of rupturing.
      2. Some are elastic and stretch to accommodate all but the larger penises
      3. Some do not bleed when ruptured
      4. Some have already stretched (or been damaged) from vaginal examinations
      5. Some have already stretched (or been damaged) from tampon insertion
      6. Some have already been damaged) from vaginal examinations
      7. The size of the hymen perforation may accommodate a smaller penis.
      8. He might have a small enough penis not to rupture it.
    • The genital area is rich in blood supply. Any damage may have healed.
    • You can visually check your hymen anyway.

Some of the related Issues

  1. "i had no plans of having sex with him because i never loved him" So does this mean that if you did love him you would have had sex with him?
  2. "he was always demanding for sex" That should have been a warning. What will you do if it happens again? I have known of men who demand a virgin bride, but have sex with a virgin girlfriend, and then reject her for marriage.
  3. "i always say no to him" I believe you. So should your boyfriend.
  4. "he suggested fingering me which he said had no side effect and does not hurt at all" That was a lie, and I suspect was hoping it would break down your resistance.
  5. "I gave in to the idea" I think you realise that was a mistake. Never "give in" when it comes to principles.
  6. "i lost some drops of blood, say two or three drops." Blood looks worse than it is. It may be just slight damage. He was so unkind. I think I can imagine how that must have made you feel.
  7. "dating a new guy that i am so much in love with, and i completely adore." I am  so glad you have found someone to love. But be careful!
  8. "I told him that i was still a virgin" How (and why) did that come up? Nevertheless it is good that you told him. You have voiced your principles, I guess.

Now some things that concern me a lot for you.

  1. "i know he still has some doubts" This is where I start to worry for you. Why did he have doubts? Why does he still have doubts? It sounds like he has some serious reasons. They need to be addressed before you get hurt!
  2. "[bleeding on first sex] is the only evidence that will make him believe that i am still a virgin." This statement worries me. Think of the implications.
    • Does he want (even demand) you to be a virgin on marriage? What if you are not (or he thinks you are not)?
    • Does he want proof you are a virgin now? The only way to do that is to have sex with you. Don't give in to that. You will then no longer be a virgin anyway.
    • Does he not really care whether you are a virgin or not? Perhaps he is not a virgin? Perhaps he wants sex with you before marriage.
    • Does he not realise that he is requiring false evidence? I think he does.
    • Most importantly, he does not believe you. That means
      1. he does not trust and respect you. That is fundamental to any relationship.
      2. he does not love you.
      3. he is manipulating you, for it is almost impossible to prove virginity.

Becky, you sound a delightful young lady with high principles. Don't relax your principles for any man. There is someone, I am sure, who is worthy of you, who will love you and trust you. Love is an action, not just a feeling.

Are there any cultural or religious issues?

Please ask if you want to discuss it further ... by private message if necessary (you'll need to register)

Hope this helps. Hope all works out well for you.

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Dear Shepherd Thank you very much for your contribution about my post,.... this issue has kept me pondering days and nights without getting any satisfactory answers at all. i have searched for answers everywhere but couldn't find one until i stumbled on this site. your answer to my question was very great indeed. it gave me answers to most of the questions that have been giving me sleepless nights.,...... but you also asked me a number of questions like,... why and how i came about telling my new boyfriend that i was a virgin I don't really think that talking about my virginity with him was wrong. i did that so as to let him know the kind of person i am and what i want and do not want at the moment, i also told him that i do not want to have sex until the day of my marriage. Besides,... even if i tell him now or latter about my virginity, he will STILL get to find out someday anyway. so it makes no difference. Because we are both in love, he knows what i want and understands my policies, and it might lead to marriage someday. But all the same,.. i am very grateful for your answer,... i guess i am satisfied with that!!!

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Dear Becky

I am glad I could help.

I certainly don't think that talking about your virginity with him was wrong at all. I am also glad you did it to let him know the kind of person you are and that you do not want to have sex until the day of your marriage. What concerned me was the context it was in and the fact he would not believe you.

Take Care
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my friend sent one stick inside ovary bleeding lot is there any possibilities of getting blood at first n8
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You need to say exactly what you mean, as I do not understand what happened.
What sort of stick (shape/size/material)? How was it sent? What happened regarding her ovaries?
If you are talking about the state of her hymen, then she can check by using a hand-mirror.
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Hsnei djsnek ejenej
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