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Please I need some advice! How do I suppress my jealousy in relationships? It's a pattern!!! It always happens, with all of my boyfriends. Most of these relationships ended because of that problem that I have. I know that I have no reason for being jealous that much, but it seems that I just cannot help it. Is there a solution to my problem?


There are many things that could cause your jealousy, and most likely they are emerging from your subconscious part of mind. Perhaps you had a bad relationship in your past which is causing your present problems. Maybe you are expecting too much in the beginning of relationship from your boyfriends, and later get hurt because of that. And there is a possibility that your choice of partners is not that good. Did you think of that? Anyway, if you think that on your own you cannot fix this, maybe you should seek some professional help. There are a lot of therapists that deal with these problems successfully.


"A relationship is a partnership, an alliance, not some game with winners and losers. When the interaction in a relationship becomes a power struggle about who is right and who is wrong then there are no winners."
"The way the dynamic in a dysfunctional relationship works is on a come here - go away cycle. When one person is available the other tends to pull away. If the first person becomes unavailable the other comes back and pleads to be let back in. When the first becomes available again then the other eventually starts pulling away again. It happens because our relationship with self is not healed. As long as I don't love myself then there must be something wrong with someone who loves me - if someone doesn't love me than I have to prove I am worthy by winning that person back."
"The people that come into our lives are teachers. They enter our lives to help us grow. Unfortunately in childhood we did not get taught that life was full of lessons to be learned - instead we were taught that if something "bad" happens it is because we are bad, we have done something wrong.
We got taught that life is a test that we can fail if we don't do it "right." So, we live life in fear."

We attract into our lives those people who will perfectly push our buttons for us. Who fit our particular issues exactly. If we are looking at life as a growth process then we can learn from these lessons. If we are reacting out of our shame core then we will see these lessons as horrible "mistakes" and tragically "bad" choices on our part - so we that we will carry resentments towards ourselves, not trust our self, and shut down to the possibility of love.

We need to be willing to make healing a priority in our life if we are ever going to have a chance to have a healthy relationship. Unless we are healing we will fall prey to the very predictable emotional and behavioral dynamics that our emotional wounds and intellectual programming set us up to keep repeating.

We are never going to meet someone who doesn't have red flags, who isn't wounded - the healthy behavior is to pay attention and take responsibility for our choices. To take calculated risks that will not be "mistakes" or "wrong" but lessons. The more conscious we get of our choices, the more we release the grief energy/take power away from the childhood wounds - the more we can trust our self to listen to our intuition instead of the disease yammering in our head.

And we are never going to completely change our basic patterns - we get healthier within those patterns. If you are attracted to alcoholics - then progress is getting involved with a recovering alcoholic. We are attracted to certain energies for reasons in alignment with The Divine Plan - our choices in the past felt like mistakes because we weren't aware that we were at boarding school learning lessons.

"In our disease defense system we build up huge walls to protect ourselves and then - as soon as we meet someone who will help us to repeat our patterns of abuse, abandonment, betrayal, and/or deprivation - we lower the drawbridge and invite them in. We, in our Codependence, have radar systems which cause us to be attracted to, and attract to us, the people, who for us personally, are exactly the most untrustworthy (or unavailable or smothering or abusive or whatever we need to repeat our patterns) individuals - exactly the ones who will "push our buttons."

This happens because those people feel familiar. Unfortunately in childhood the people whom we trusted the most were the most familiar - hurt us the most. So the effect is that we keep repeating our patterns and being given the reminder that it is not safe to trust ourselves or other people.

Life is constantly changing. There are always going to be endings and new beginnings. There is always going to be grief and pain and anger about what we have to let go of, and fear of what is to come. It is not because we are bad or wrong or shameful. It is just the way the game works.

"Unconditional Love does not mean being a doormat - Unconditional Love starts with Loving yourself enough to protect yourself from people you love if that is necessary.

The problem isn't in what is happening now - the way the relationship has gone is a symptom of what happened to you in childhood. This relationship is a sign to you that you have some emotional wounds from childhood that need to be healed - they are a sign that you can't make anyone want to do the work - you can only do the work for yourself."