I feel sick around the guys i supposedly like... but i have

I'm 32 and I have the same issue.  I've been able to override the sensation in the past by drinking.  As soon as I sobered up, I felt worse.  I've also forced myself to act like I was into being intimate for fear that I had 'led the guy on' and if I didn't put out, I'd be a b***h.  I have swallowed my true reaction and been physicaly intimate, supressed the nausea and disgust for months, and come out the other side in a relationship with a really good man, only to realize after years together that I have been treating him with disrespect he doesn't deserve, because deep inside I resent him for the way I felt when we first got together.

None of these strategies solve the problem, which is probably why I'm still dealing with it, and why I'm writing about it.  Strategies like these distance you from the problem temporarily, and distract you from dealing with the real issue.  If you don't want to be dealing with it years down the line, the best thing is probably to talk to a counselor about it and really do the work on yourself as soon as possible.  

For me, the causes seem to be a combination of things. 1) I get myself mixed up in seducing guys I'm not into because I have an unfulfilled need to feel loved.  It makes me feel temporarily worthy of love when men approach me...though at that point I've cut off all authentic communication and the guy is persuing sex because thats what I seem to want.  Which fuels my negative self image that guys only want me for sex, and I'm not worth anything more.  A self-fulfilling prophecy.  

2)The nausea also comes on when I am not standing up for or maintaining healthy boundaries for myself.  Its not limited to the sexual realm.  I first felt it around my Dad, and therefore wondered for a while if he’d molested me and I’d suppressed the memory.  I know now that is not the case, and it seems the nausea was resulting from him prying into parts of my life that I was trying to keep private, as part of my growing up and becoming a woman.  He did not respect my boundaries, and I felt sick and violated when he didn't because I didn't have the power to defend them.  I have that power now, but sometimes don't use it, and the same feeling comes up.

I hope that helps you.  Best of luck.  I'm sure if we work at it, we can all resolve it : )

I know what you mean. I am 17 years old and in high school and I used to like this guy who I still kind of have feelings for and the thought of seeing him makes me want to vomit. It's not because I think he's ugly. I think it's because I'm afraid of rejection or judgement by him that it makes me sick. That might be what you're dealing with too. i now realize I'm interested in this other guy and I feel like vomiting before I have to see him too. I think you just need to overcome your fears like I do.

Wow I get this Everytime

im literally the EXACT same way ive never related to anything more than this. i get all of those symptoms when i think about or see someone i like and then i distance myself from them because i hate feeling sick over the thought of them, but then once i cut everything off, i get really depressed because i miss them and wish i could take it all back. i dont know what to do im panicking i dont want this to go on for the rest of my life

I am now 25 and went through a terrible breakup16 months ago... Right before the breakup i started havi g panic attacks and body trembles as well as nausea..i still talk to him on occasions and i feel the same way everytime! I was with him for almost 6 uears b4 the breakup.. Now he wants to get back together and so do i but my body gets this way with him and i dont understand it... IT'S. JUST WITH HIM!!

Thankyou so much

I'm amazed at how much we have in common from these paragraphs you've written. Right down to the feeling that father might have molested me...oh my...even the drinking. My stars, I need to see a therapist ASAP, today was the last straw I need to heal now :'(

I know you posted this a while ago, but I've been having the same problem. I'm 17 and I'll really like a guy but then when he starts liking me back I start to see all of his flaws and pity him to the point where I'm just disgusted with him. I don't even want to be around him more. So I don't really have any theory for why this is happening but I just wanted to let you know you're not the only one this happens to.

I'm feeling the exact same thing. I really like this guy from school. I really, really like him, his smile, his voice, everything about him. I can barely hold back from grinning when he talks to me or just stands nearby. But I've been denying that he likes a person like me for a while now. I have low self-esteem, and I don't think I'm suitable for someone as good as him at all. I have a crush on him, that I understand. But the think of it progressing into a true relationship makes me feel nauseous for some reason. I do want to be with him. But it's contradicted by the feeling of wanting to vomit. I don't know why. Sometimes, I praying that he'd like me back. Other times, I just want to have no special feelings between us so there won't be a looming pressure. With this, I don't think I'd be able to date him even if he liked me back.

Honestly I feel the same way! I'm so glad I'm not alone I worried that i was weird or something was different! I'm 16 and everytime someone says the like me even if I think I'm crazy about them I get this horrible sick feeling and want to avoid them forever bc I think of every reason not to be with them... My advice try to just relax and not overthink things as much

sounds very simple, you are minding too much what other ppl may think. otherwise you wouldnt say "other may not like them".
and another thing, i would like to aplaud, its that you are honest about the fact that 85% of us suck.
sweety, no matter what culture and society tells us, not all of have contrusted ourselves to be a partner for a long time. most married ppl experience love as a "huh, f**k it, i have to do this to be a man / woman". But that is not true.

you can be a full person without another one making your life a miserable lie you to feel you did the right thing.

just enjoy it while it last, put an effort to make it last (that is very important), and have fun. thats it.
if you ever feel the need to move on, well... then move on. If you dont, well dont.

I had these EXACT symptoms last night with a boy and some friends!!! It was a quince, and I was sitting by an ex and I started shaking violently and I lost my appetite and wouldn't eat and was really quiet and tired. Everyone was asking me what was wrong. I went to the bathroom three times just to breathe.

all of you people sound like me. except I've never been through any trauma or anything. I have a great home life and when I had a therapist I never felt comfortable enough to talk about this. but I'm just happy to know others feel the same.

This happens to me too! I'm 20 now, and ever since I hit puberty and liked a guy, I would always freak out when I find out that he likes me back, and I'll find many flaws about him (e.g. the way his teeth are crooked, the pimple on his nose, the way he walks). The thing is, I usually would have already told myself to not be disgusted by these "flaws" if he ever makes a move on me.

I've never openly admitted this to any of my friends and family, but since this is kind of an anonymous online forum, I'd admit that I enjoy the thrill of being chased and desired by a guy. I'll experience genuine feelings for him, but once I find out that the guy likes me back, the "game" is over for me. I don't think it's a problem of self-esteem for me, because I'm quite confident with my looks and my kinda superficial qualities (e.g. social presence, academic achievements, physical fitness). I grew up a a pretty decent family, and my parents hardly ever quarrelled.

But I think the reason as to why I feel this way is due to the way I was brought up. Ever since young, the topic of relationships and boys was a taboo in my family. Nobody in my family discusses it (and my brother is already 22!) and when we watch shows with relationships in them, it is usually a little awkward. When my mum first asked me whether I was attached just a few weeks ago, I vehemently replied "No!" and pretended like being in a relationship at my age was something ridiculous. My mum actually told me that I shouldn't be in a relationship and should wait till I graduate from college (at 23) before I think about such stuff.

Also, when I develop a crush, I'd imagine movie-like romantic scenes, and I'd develop unrealistic expectations of the guy in mind. However, when the guy starts to treat me that way, I'd think that he's trying too hard and this will disgust me a lot. I try to get rid of all these feelings by overlooking their flaws, but they still return once in a while.

My sharing probably won't help much, but I do feel relieved that people are reading this. I always thought I was the only one experiencing this. To anyone reading this, how do I get rid of such feelings of disgust?

I feel it too when I am around boys and my problem is I think Boys. I am gaay