are you me? lol. I usually never post on these online forums but since our stories are so similar I decided to reply. Have you made any progress in terms of sorting out these feelings? In my case it's super annoying because I am very turned on by guys, but then if they ever show interest back then I start to feel really freaked out/panicked, and sometimes even a little nauseous. On top of all this I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that I'm also attracted to women as well as men... so maybe I'm just leaning more in the women direction? even though guys definitely turn me on and I want to touch them and be close to them. idk man. :-(
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Me too idk what to do im scrared that it will comtinue i thoght i was alone and i want it to go away
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If I may ask, how old are you? I used to feel so happy around any guy that I liked but after finding they have interest in me, I would feel grossed out and sick. This does go away! especially after you've had you're first boyfriend. But all that it means is that you are not yet ready to pursue anything with them. Take your time. It took me awhile before I could find a guy that I really liked that didnt make me feel nauseous. I got that way around 16 - 18 and then it went away. Also, hanging out with him just like friends also helps it to go away. If I had a guess it's just an anxiety that we feel that makes us feel super sick. Do not force it!! You will only feel worse after. Just take you're time!
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I'm in the same boat . . . 23F, here. I have yet to have my first boyfriend, but I've liked guys and occasionally they've returned the feelings. But then when it's mutual, I get so turned off by it--like everyone else has said, you just start to see all of their flaws and want to avoid them, etc. even when they were your greatest desire before. I also wish sometimes that people wanted me and desired me, but when they do--ick. And it feeds into the cycle of feeling worthless when I'm treated like the irresistible woman I craved being.
I've thought about keeping relationships low-key--you know, everyone is just chill and not too invested, though that's the complete opposite of how I usually feel on my end; I tend to go from 0 to 60 in intensity. But I know that would probably make me feel empty and used if I just slept with people or didn't officially date them, because no type of situation like that--no one else's affection or lack thereof--is going to fix the holes still in my self-esteem, something that has improved in the last couple of years, but clearly, relationships are still a bit of a sore spot.
I definitely agree with most who have said it's a self-esteem issue/defense mechanism. You can't rule out types of asexuality until you've ruled them out (and I certainly considered it), but I would say the nature of the behaviour--chasing someone and being interested in them, then repulsed when they return the favour--is psychological in nature. Talking to a therapist can help, but I found Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (not as scary/cultish as it sounds) much more effective for this, depression, anxiety, and everyday stresses. Plus, there are usually free resources for CBT.
I've thought about keeping relationships low-key--you know, everyone is just chill and not too invested, though that's the complete opposite of how I usually feel on my end; I tend to go from 0 to 60 in intensity. But I know that would probably make me feel empty and used if I just slept with people or didn't officially date them, because no type of situation like that--no one else's affection or lack thereof--is going to fix the holes still in my self-esteem, something that has improved in the last couple of years, but clearly, relationships are still a bit of a sore spot.
I definitely agree with most who have said it's a self-esteem issue/defense mechanism. You can't rule out types of asexuality until you've ruled them out (and I certainly considered it), but I would say the nature of the behaviour--chasing someone and being interested in them, then repulsed when they return the favour--is psychological in nature. Talking to a therapist can help, but I found Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (not as scary/cultish as it sounds) much more effective for this, depression, anxiety, and everyday stresses. Plus, there are usually free resources for CBT.
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I'm pretty much in the exact same situation! Good to hear that this isn't just me. I'm a 17 year old female and intimacy of any kind (kissing, cuddling, holding hands etc.) or even being In a tight space with someone I like, makes me feel so phsically sick. There's been times where my I've felt so sick, and so overwhelmed that I've even thrown up. I've been seeing a guy who I absolutely adore, but whenever he hugs me or tries to touch me, I have to hold back tears in my eyes and stop myself from throwing up all over him. I've never had any type of trauma, my parents divorced when I was about 10 but I've always had a good relationship with both of them and all of my siblings, never felt a lack of love or anything like that. i have stress, but nothing abnormal, same things most people stress over (money, family, the future etc.) I'm not sure if there's anything left for me to do, I've tried mediation, I've tried using certain methods to cope with my anxiety, I've even been on a few medications the last few years, but nothing seems to help with this situation or my anxiety in general, maybe it's just apart of who I am. I really like they guy I'm with, he's so good to me and we get along really well. I haven't told him about how I feel or how ill being intimate with him makes me sometimes. I'm hoping when the time comes, I can just push myself through it and grow out of it. im super thankful for this thread though! Thank you guys for sharing your expirences, it's great to finally relate to people, especially in such uncomfortable situations like these!
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Omgg yesssss .. i was just googling it to see if i am the one one.. thank godd .. i feel you all.. for one moment he is so cute and then he realizes i like him so he starts flirting and its soo like.. amm nooooooo and then i see his flaws and he just becomes so disgusting..
i think the time will make it better .. you are probably not ready for any kind of relationship so.. be patient!
i think the time will make it better .. you are probably not ready for any kind of relationship so.. be patient!
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oh this is so me :'( has anyone found the way out of this problem too?
it has happened to me 4 times already and i'm scared of getting close with guys now since i'm scared that i would hurt his feeling in the future. if anyone has found the way out please let me now, i also want to get out of this situation.
And also I'm glad I'm not the only one since my friends don't seem to understand my situation
it has happened to me 4 times already and i'm scared of getting close with guys now since i'm scared that i would hurt his feeling in the future. if anyone has found the way out please let me now, i also want to get out of this situation.
And also I'm glad I'm not the only one since my friends don't seem to understand my situation
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I'm the exact same way the pains I get in my head or then in my stomach dhakey nauseous... confused/ did u get help??
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I experience the same thing but worse. I get extremely sick and I feel sweaty, nauseous, shaky, and possibly can throw up. It's almost like a panic attack. When I even think of the person I get sick. But I feel this even around people that just happen to like me, but I don't like them back. Yet I still freak. But I also have extreme social anxiety and can't eat in front of people. I used to starve my self all through school. Until I couldn't take my anxiety and left. I also used to self harm, I suffer from depression. I haven't told anyone about any of my problems. And this has been happening for 3 years now. I even know my patterns. Like for example, Monday I feel lonely, Tuesday I feel uneasy and like I have no soul, Wednesday I start feeling as if eyes are watching me, Thursday's I feel almost like a sad zombie, Friday's I feel like I'm on cloud nine and then I feel like I fell of that cloud at full speed, Saturday I feel like a lazy slob and just wanna hide, Sunday I get extreme suicidal thoughts plus I have to go to church that day so I feel worse. But yea I literally went on and on didnt I
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Hi Same person as before the girl who used to self harm and has extreme social anxiety. Well everyone was saying there age and boyfriends and stuff, well I've had at least 14 boyfriends. I'm not a player I had a big problem with saying no to a guy, I felt bad and coulsnt take it. But only around 5 guys that have dated I actually liked. After I stopped self harming I felt with that problem I can say no know but I still feel pretty bad about it. I am also 14 right now but these problems have been since I was 11.
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Oh my god this is my exact scenario right now i can't believe it. I am 15 as well and i was crazy about this boy, he liked me back and now when he looks at me or talks to me i want to cry or puke. This has happened to boys in the past and is why i haven't had a boyfriend really. Im not sure why this happens but you are not alone.
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This goes away in time. I used to have it too. It's just your innocence and your bodies natural defense mechanism. Don't worry it will go away as you get more expierenced with handiling guys liking you, as you start kissing, holding hands. Never force it tho!
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This is exactly what is happening to me. Anytime I would like someone and they don't like me I would want to be with them but then when they actually start liking me I feel so disgusted. I feel like I can't even look at them or talk to them because I feel so gross. I'll start to see any flaws and that will be the only thing I look at. Sometimes I would get excited and think about being with them and then other times I feel so grossed out it makes my stomach hurt and I wouldn't even want to see them. It's been happening to me since 9th. My parents got divorced when I was 9 and I grew up with my stepdad and mom constantly arguing. We moved so many times because of their constant fighting and I'm not sure if that's why I'm feeling this way. I do like this girl. I think I do and she's a great person. But then I start to see her differently and it's frustrating because I really do want to be with this girl
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Hello, I am 14 and I feel the same way. You will eventually grow out of it. Thanks. I thought I was that wired person with that feeling!
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wow, I thought i was the only one. this feeling has honestly happened for me since I was little and I have been basically leading guys on and then throwing them away and its terrible. I always end up feeling like such a b*tch after and that I will never find anyone who will really make me happy.
So I recently got together with a guy and I really like him. I was the first person to tell him I liked him bc I was angry and I thought he needed to know. But then when he said he liked me back I was so overcome with joy that I didn't go through my normal emotional process in which I close myself off and walk away. Its kind of like I forced myself into it almost unwillingly. Since then (about two weeks ago) I have been suppressing my disgust, chalking it up to the fact that I am scared or nervous bc this is my first relationship. But then he kissed me and now its all flooding in and I have been nauseous for at least 3 days now. (also kissing is weird and kind of grossed me out.) I cant even look at him and whenever anyone says his name I want to throw up. I cant sleep or eat and its always on my mind. All I want to do is take it all back and curl up and hide. I haven't seen him since because of school but i really hope he doesnt think I am blowing him off. This thread really opened my eyes to the bigger problem and I think I need to figure that out first before I talk to him.
My parents got divorced when I was about 10 and I wouldn't say it was messy but I did have to mature really fast. There were a lot of mental problems that stemmed from it like, overthinking everything, thinking that I am the only one to look out for me, etc. that I have talked about with my therapist. It would not surprise me if that one f*****g event screwed me up in another way. I really want this to go away, its screwing with my head and I am worried that this will last for the rest of my life. I just want to be happy but I keep self sabotaging. Help please.
So I recently got together with a guy and I really like him. I was the first person to tell him I liked him bc I was angry and I thought he needed to know. But then when he said he liked me back I was so overcome with joy that I didn't go through my normal emotional process in which I close myself off and walk away. Its kind of like I forced myself into it almost unwillingly. Since then (about two weeks ago) I have been suppressing my disgust, chalking it up to the fact that I am scared or nervous bc this is my first relationship. But then he kissed me and now its all flooding in and I have been nauseous for at least 3 days now. (also kissing is weird and kind of grossed me out.) I cant even look at him and whenever anyone says his name I want to throw up. I cant sleep or eat and its always on my mind. All I want to do is take it all back and curl up and hide. I haven't seen him since because of school but i really hope he doesnt think I am blowing him off. This thread really opened my eyes to the bigger problem and I think I need to figure that out first before I talk to him.
My parents got divorced when I was about 10 and I wouldn't say it was messy but I did have to mature really fast. There were a lot of mental problems that stemmed from it like, overthinking everything, thinking that I am the only one to look out for me, etc. that I have talked about with my therapist. It would not surprise me if that one f*****g event screwed me up in another way. I really want this to go away, its screwing with my head and I am worried that this will last for the rest of my life. I just want to be happy but I keep self sabotaging. Help please.
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